ttfn555 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 i m new here, i had been seeing a man who is legally separated for 2 years, I am divorced 7 years, i wasn't looking nor was he, he just happened upon me. i understand that i should have been wiser, i've been divorced 7 years, but we just connected. It was intense but although they have been through counseling 2 times, their kids who are in college asked him to do it one more time. He couldn't say no and because we are all Catholic, i get it. We agreed to let it go, let him go through divorce and get to a place where we can be to ether. I can't go thru this with him, i have to let him go. But I feel forgotten, and hurt. I am single, I get that, I am open to someone new. But does this ever work out? we are trying to do the right thing. I don't want to break up a marriage so I stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnimon Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Hello. First off, sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry, are you saying he was seperated for 2 years or you were seeing him for 2 years? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttfn555 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 Sorry, no he has been separated for over 2 years, we had only been seeing each other for 4 months when we realized that trying to have a relationship while he is going thru filing for divorce etc would probably ruin any chance of our relationship lasting. His kids and wife would blame me and use me as a scapegoat even though they have been separated-they don't know about me which I was fine with because his wife is very confrontational. She now doesn't want a divorce because she would lose her health insurance etc and have to get a full time job. It's all so messy that we both felt that it is best to let him go through this, deal with the emotions etc(they have been married 20 years) and once he's free then see each other again. I feel like I'm doing the right thing but we have had NC for three weeks and I feel like I'm never going to see or hear from him again Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnimon Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Ah and awe. I'm sure this isn't easy for you, you've obviously gained feelings for him. I think you are doing the right thing. I don't really view you as being the other woman, especially since he has been seperated for 2 years. It irks me slightly that he would become involved with you if he wasn't ready to become involved with you, but it is what it is. I hope this works out for you if that is what you want. I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Sorry, no he has been separated for over 2 years, we had only been seeing each other for 4 months when we realized that trying to have a relationship while he is going thru filing for divorce etc would probably ruin any chance of our relationship lasting. His kids and wife would blame me and use me as a scapegoat even though they have been separated-they don't know about me which I was fine with because his wife is very confrontational. She now doesn't want a divorce because she would lose her health insurance etc and have to get a full time job. It's all so messy that we both felt that it is best to let him go through this, deal with the emotions etc(they have been married 20 years) and once he's free then see each other again. I feel like I'm doing the right thing but we have had NC for three weeks and I feel like I'm never going to see or hear from him again You are doing the right thing. You know that. You can feel that. I can tell by your writing. Now that you are available again, you may meet someone new who is single and more available to you. You will then instantly forget this guy and move on. Make sure you get out there and make yourself available to single guys. If none come along that fit your needs in the next couple years, maybe this guy will be free and come back for you. Until then, be available. Don't wait for this guy that is not now available and may never be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttfn555 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 Thank you guys, I really appreciate it. I know it's the right thing to do and I am not going to wait around for him. I just wish I hadn't gotten involved in the first place and started falling in love with him, when I realized he was not really free. I hated hiding and feeling like I was a dirty secret he had to keep. (He didn't say those things, that's just how I felt) I am just having a hard time moving on I guess...would be easier if I was 25! Link to post Share on other sites
Biere123 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 ttfn, if he is in love with you, he'll be back. imo, assuming and labeling yourself as the scapegoat is incredibly unfair. if people question it, his marriage obviously failed a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttfn555 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 I think not knowing what's going on is the hardest part and hard to move on. I just feel so sad that I finally met someone I really connected with and i had to let it go. Their marriage has been broken for a long time but I understand from experience that sometimes you keep trying to figure it out but the same issues exist. The OW/OM is the first to be let go when everything is too much to handle. I've been on both sides of it, my husband left(really for other reasons) but was cheating on me anyway. No side of it is easy Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttfn555 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 so we have been NC for 4 weeks without officially declaring NC-we decided to not see each other until he is divorced and worked thru this. It's strange not hearing from him. His birthday is monday, would it be okay just to text a quick Happy Birthday- I don't want him to think I had forgotten or I didn't care. We never fought or had an argument so I don't think he'd take it other than I was thinking of him. Is this a really bad move? I am open to dating others but I am hoping he doesnt forget me. Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 so we have been NC for 4 weeks without officially declaring NC-we decided to not see each other until he is divorced and worked thru this. It's strange not hearing from him. His birthday is monday, would it be okay just to text a quick Happy Birthday- I don't want him to think I had forgotten or I didn't care. We never fought or had an argument so I don't think he'd take it other than I was thinking of him. Is this a really bad move? I am open to dating others but I am hoping he doesnt forget me. You gave the answer to this question in your OP when you said "I can't go thru this with him". How will you feel about holding on if he doesn't end his marriage? I know you believe him, but if your honest with yourself its unlikely he will leave and divorce. He didn't have to go back to do MC. Step back and look at the whole picture. Protect yourself Link to post Share on other sites
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