dealing with the end...tell the gf?

[SweetCharity]

I was involved with a coworker, who had a gf, for a short time. I had never been involved with someone committed before but was dealing with a break up and he instigated the whole thing. He told me his gf told her that if he ever cheated on her he could make for it by buying her something. He also did she made it clear she'd never break up with him if she ever found.out. he also went on to say he'd never leave her.

 

Flash forward a couple months later. I no longer work with him but stop by occasionally and chat. We also exchanged secret emails. He refused to keep my phone number so this was it.

 

One day I noticed he added me on Facebook after sending me a sexyemail, but after he snubs me at work because his gf was picking him up I playfully message him telling him he sucked. Then I noticed he blocked me. Then he unblocked me and apologized. Said his gf thought I was flirting with him on fb. He told me he quit his job but that we could still hang out.

 

Now I noticed he has blocked me again and won't return my emails.

 

Needless to say, I'm annoyed. My rule with him was not to be a jerk. His yoyo routine constitutes as that. He instigated the whole thing and is now dismissing me completely.

 

Im sick of men just taking and doing what they want.

 

My question is this: Should I tell his gf about his extracurricular activities with me? I'm not the vindictive type but this would bring me satisfaction. There's a part of me that also feels she should know. But then again, I was the side chick so I have no right to be indignant and self righteous now. We're all adults but I can't stand the thought of him getting away with being such a jerk.

 

I also don't plan on being anyone's side chick ever again.

 

Thoughts?

[Toddbt12y1]

You can try to tell her. Chances are. He would lie his way out....Make you look bad. I really feel for his g/f. Shame she is being cheated on. Think, would you want to know? That will surely be your answer.

[gettingstronger]

Although I am a big fan of disclosure as every person deserves to know the truth in their lives, I would only advise telling if you are willing to walk away clean-otherwise its purely revenge which is not a good thing-

[Goodbye]

Doesn't sound like it makes any difference either way. He isn't leaving, and neither is she.

 

Sounds like quite a pair...a match made in heaven. Maybe you should go ahead and tell her so she can confront him and get her "monetary reward" for his cheating. Yikes.

[SweetCharity]

Although I am a big fan of disclosure as every person deserves to know the truth in their lives, I would only advise telling if you are willing to walk away clean-otherwise its purely revenge which is not a good thing-

 

Well it's already over. I'm annoyed he cut off contact because he's probably afraid his gf will find out. Jesus,

[SweetCharity]

Doesn't sound like it makes any difference either way. He isn't leaving, and neither is she.

 

Sounds like quite a pair...a match made in heaven. Maybe you should go ahead and tell her so she can confront him and get her "monetary reward" for his cheating. Yikes.

 

I think he bought a car for the both of them...does that count?

[jellybean89]

Are you kidding?

 

He won't be flirty with you any more so now you want to tell on him? You had no problem doing this even though he has a gf but now you want to tell her cause he un friended you on FB?

 

I am blown away by the amount of people who:

 

1. Know when and how often someone blocks them on FB! Wish I had all that spare time to sit on FB to see who blocks me and who doesn't and when they unblock me.

 

2. Think the excuse "he/she initiated/pursued me" is a valid excuse to cheat. No one has the ability to force anyone to: sext/have phone sex/make out with/have intercourse/engage in an affair. So what if they 'started it'. Use the word "no" or the phrase "go away" if someone wants to have phone sex/sext/make out/have sex with you and you don't want to. It doesn't matter even a tiny bit if someone pursued you. You still have the God given right to day NO!

 

Seems like you are upset he doesn't want you anymore. You can chose to laugh it off, ignore it or go tell. Personally, I think ignoring it is the best option...and then make a decision to not get involved with some one who is already involved with someone else, even if if they pursue you.

[GirlStillStrong]

What is the point in telling her? Have you considered that telling her may actually hurt her? Or don't you care? It's like you are both just playing some cat and mouse game, and couldn't actually give a **** about anyone or your own selves for that matter.

[gettingstronger]

Walking away clean means no contact. You're mad he won't talk to you. That's not walking away clean, that's being a pest.

[eye of the storm]

I was involved with a coworker, who had a gf, .... he also went on to say he'd never leave her.

 

You knowingly got involved with someone who was honest that he wasn't leaving his GF for you.

 

...he added me on Facebook....Then I noticed he blocked me. Then he unblocked me...I noticed he has blocked me again and won't return my emails.

 

I got to get a job that allows me to stare at FB all day to see who is and is not friends with me at any given time. How do you even know? Do you stare at your friends list constantly? (I am probably showing my age on that one.)

 

...I'm annoyed. ...He instigated the whole thing and is now dismissing me completely.

 

Im sick of men just taking and doing what they want.

 

What about your behavior in all this? You were fully 1/2 of the taking and doing what you wanted.

 

I'm not the vindictive type but this would bring me satisfaction.

 

Yes you are vindictive. This is all because he took his toys and went home.

 

I can't stand the thought of him getting away with being such a jerk.

 

Again, you act like he did this all on his own. What about you being a jerk? You knowingly got involved and now he doesn't want to play anymore you want to suddenly stand on righteousness.

 

Own what you did. Accept it, learn from it, and move on.

[cif]

 

Im sick of men just taking and doing what they want.

 

Stop allowing it. We teach people how to treat us.

 

Sure tell.. drop her a line on FB then block them both and move on. But realize she won't care and/or already knows.

Edited November 25, 2014 by cif

[SweetCharity]

Has no one heard of notifications? When someone adds you on Facebook it notifys you. When someone messages you about wanting to go to Disneyland it notifies you. When you respond and don't get one, and check to see if they responded only to find out "you can't respond to this conversation" That's how you know they have blocked you. That's really besides the point anyway.

 

I like how everyone assumes I didn't own up to what I did. Yeah, I got involved with someone else's boyfriend. I won't make excuses. But you know what? Im. Not the one in a commitment. I could have said no? Of course! But so could he. I'm more annoyed by the fact that he just couldn't make up his mind. I'm here minding my own business and he's off emailing and messaging me.

[SweetCharity]

What is the point in telling her? Have you considered that telling her may actually hurt her? Or don't you care? It's like you are both just playing some cat and mouse game, and couldn't actually give a **** about anyone or your own selves for that matter.

 

I can think of a few things that could hurt her more.

[SweetCharity]

Are you kidding?

 

He won't be flirty with you any more so now you want to tell on him? You had no problem doing this even though he has a gf but now you want to tell her cause he un friended you on FB?

 

I am blown away by the amount of people who:

 

1. Know when and how often someone blocks them on FB! Wish I had all that spare time to sit on FB to see who blocks me and who doesn't and when they unblock me.

 

2. Think the excuse "he/she initiated/pursued me" is a valid excuse to cheat. No one has the ability to force anyone to: sext/have phone sex/make out with/have intercourse/engage in an affair. So what if they 'started it'. Use the word "no" or the phrase "go away" if someone wants to have phone sex/sext/make out/have sex with you and you don't want to. It doesn't matter even a tiny bit if someone pursued you. You still have the God given right to day NO!

 

Seems like you are upset he doesn't want you anymore. You can chose to laugh it off, ignore it or go tell. Personally, I think ignoring it is the best option...and then make a decision to not get involved with some one who is already involved with someone else, even if if they pursue you.

 

You seem to have selectively read my post. I specifically said I made a decision never to get involved with someone who is involved with someone else. Yes, i could have said no, but I was lonely and its a two way street. People are so quick to demonize the woman involved but never hold the male accountable for his actions.

[elaine567]

Don't get involved, you will be the slut and the harlot, and YOU seduced her loving bf into bed.

You could start a war here and that does no-one any good.

 

Just be grateful that you are out of the mess for good.

[spookysonata]

You seem to have selectively read my post. I specifically said I made a decision never to get involved with someone who is involved with someone else.

 

But you did.

 

Yes I could have said no

 

But you didn't.

 

but I was lonely

 

No excuse.

 

and it's a two way street

 

So, he's a creep who cheats on his gf. Why do you feel that means you get to lower your standards to match his?

Nobody is demonizing you, they're giving you opinions because you asked for them. Ideally HE should tell her, but she deserves the truth. Tell her, apologize sincerely, then leave them both alone.

[SweetCharity]

But you did.

 

 

 

But you didn't.

 

 

 

No excuse.

 

 

 

So, he's a creep who cheats on his gf. Why do you feel that means you get to lower your standards to match his?

Nobody is demonizing you, they're giving you opinions because you asked for them. Ideally HE should tell her, but she deserves the truth. Tell her, apologize sincerely, then leave them both alone.

 

You are right.

[jellybean89]

You seem to have selectively read my post. I specifically said I made a decision never to get involved with someone who is involved with someone else. Yes, i could have said no, but I was lonely and its a two way street. People are so quick to demonize the woman involved but never hold the male accountable for his actions.

 

I never said he wasn't accountable NOR did I ever demonize you. You stated quite clearly that you would never get involved with someone already committed to someone else, yet you did.

 

And only because it ended did you decide "Hmm...maybe the g/f should know".

 

Yes, the g/f should know -- she should know who she is investing her life and heart to. I know, I know...everyone will say it is his responsibility to tell her...but we all know that he won't tell her unless he is backed into a corner. He didn't tell her PRIOR to starting the affair, he sure as heck won't tell her AFTER the affair.

 

MY opinion is you should turn and walk away and close the door and nail it shut. No more contact, no more texting/emailing/etc. No more sex with him. No more ANYTHING with him.

 

Work on YOU. Work on why you allowed yourself to go against what you previously had never planned to do. Work on figuring out why you would want crumbs from someone; why you wouldn't want someone who you don't 'share' with someone else. Work on you. Ask yourself "don't I deserve better".

[SweetCharity]

I never said he wasn't accountable NOR did I ever demonize you. You stated quite clearly that you would never get involved with someone already committed to someone else, yet you did...

 

Work on YOU. Work on why you allowed yourself to go against what you previously had never planned to do. Work on figuring out why you would want crumbs from someone; why you wouldn't want someone who you don't 'share' with someone else. Work on you. Ask yourself "don't I deserve better".

 

I meant that I won't be getting involved with someone involved with someone else AGAIN. But the truth is I never thought I'd be that kind a person. Though it's not an excuse I was very lonely and dealing with depression at the time. I could barely get out of bed. The affair made me feel normal again. Its not an excuse and it was shortlived. The thought did cross my mind, "Is this really the best I think I can do?" And if I hadn't stopped working with him I would probably be in a lot more emotional pain now because it would have gone on longer.

 

Idk. I saw them together once by chance. I was driving home and saw him at a stop liggt on his motorcycle with her. She clutched him and leaned get head against his back very lovingly. I didn't know how to feel at that moment. Emotions were never meant to get involved.