MatchStick Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I'm looking for a bit of feedback on this new development. I did the NC with xMM about 10 months ago. I did initiate the NC, and I know he would have gone with some kind of Long Distance contact had I allowed it. Recently, in a matter of 3-4 weeks, his first son has married (big old thing), and then his father-in-law just passed on (big figure in the community). All these things being on his balance sheet why he won't leave W, and why I will NOT be a secret 'thing'. Going NC was because him more than me, the sexual attraction would always be there. Ok, here it is: I knew father-guy was ill off and on, and no surprise he finally passed on. Nice enough man on the outside. Played up in media like a real family man, but ignored and cheated on his W (deceased) like crazy. Under normal circumstances, I would have contacted my friend and given condolences. I thought to myself: why should I? It's different for me, and it does feel good not to waste the energy.....or given him attention he doesn't really warrant. In an awkwardly written and expressed way, I've never seen an extension like that as really anything but decent (like not worth anything). Now I think that my good intentions and expressions do mean something, and if someone wants that and all other associated things, they have to treat me right. I mean, if I was eye to eye, I would be civil and acknowledge, but I'm not looking for an excuse, and my mind goes to paying attention to my life, and at the moment, not fraught with something heavy like a death in the family. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
RegretfulAlways Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Are you asking for justification to NOT reach out to him with condolences, or for justification to in fact do so? I'm not clear on that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 It looks to me that he had you on the hook for his personal peasures. So why bother with breaking NC because you feel the need out of consideration. Let go of your attachment, and start looking at living life without him. There are men who are better, just you will not see them until you clear your visions from the past. Live now, your future is waiting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MatchStick Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 Are you asking for justification to NOT reach out to him with condolences, or for justification to in fact do so? I'm not clear on that. No, no, I'm saying I'm not finding a way to justify it. It does feel strange 'not to'. sdrawkcaB ssA mentioned me being on the hook......yeah, he was my friend. This is what is feels like not to be that anymore. Thanks.... Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenAxe Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 No, no, I'm saying I'm not finding a way to justify it. It does feel strange 'not to'. sdrawkcaB ssA mentioned me being on the hook......yeah, he was my friend. This is what is feels like not to be that anymore. Thanks.... i spoke to my X-MW every day for almost 5 years. i considered her to be my best friend, but people come through our lives all the time, sometimes just for a lesson. idk what happened to me today, but i feel great (in this moment) despite only being day 2 of NC. will i have bad days? prob, but this world is way bigger than just two people. Damn emotions. Put yourself first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MatchStick Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 i spoke to my X-MW every day for almost 5 years. i considered her to be my best friend, but people come through our lives all the time, sometimes just for a lesson. idk what happened to me today, but i feel great (in this moment) despite only being day 2 of NC. will i have bad days? prob, but this world is way bigger than just two people. Damn emotions. Put yourself first. Great perspective! Thank you! This was a long-term acquaintance, and played a role in my early years. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will put myself first!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Yeah, he was my friend. This is what is feels like not to be that anymore. Ex friend, ex affair partner. Leave it alone as you're not in his life anymore. Plus, it wasn't his father who passed away, it was his wife's father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenAxe Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) try to think of it like, this person did not deserve you, or they would have made the moves to be with you. idk, im no shrink. THE PRICE YOU PAY, IS A BARGAIN TO THE LESSON LEARNED. Edited October 9, 2014 by GoldenAxe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MatchStick Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 Ex friend, ex affair partner. Leave it alone as you're not in his life anymore. Plus, it wasn't his father who passed away, it was his wife's father. WAS....and HE WAS. Kind of sounds like a twist on the Talking Heads song, She Was. WAS is a strange feeling. And its OK. Not the sadness, not pain, just WAS. His wife's dad, basically, gave him a life. That family gave him a life. Big fat IOU's. And he needs to carry through........and to me, he WAS. Link to post Share on other sites
hazy_shade_of_grey Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I agree, you've managed 10 months w/o contact, don't break the streak now. Congrats on making 10 months! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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