Dog Woman Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I was sceptical a few weeks ago when my MM contacted me, wanting to see, telling me he had left his wife and wanted me. I did go to his new house where the neighbour confirmed MM was living alone having separated from his wife. MM even showed me the correspondence from his solicitor. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, told him how I felt about him but made it clear he had to be divorced before getting involved with me in a bona fide relationship. Since that visit, I unblocked his number from my phone but there has hardly been any contact between us until last week when he told me he was going on holiday with his wife, he'd had second thoughts, was very sorry, but decided to patch things up with her. So I have been well and truely used, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I want absolutely nothing more to do with him. I've changed my mobile number and only my close friends and family have got the number. My reason for posting is really a warning to anyone contemplating an affair - don't go there - it causes too much of an emotional rollercoaster. The only one that gets hurt is you. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I left my longterm A recently been strong for over a month. Cut off any resources from him for the first and longest time. He did take a pic of his starting D papers when I left. I never responded because like your story this can clearly happen to anyone. I always wonder if he will really go thru with it. For someone who held on to his M after a longterm A but then I wonder rekindling is more relevant when a trauma like a D is happening. It is why I am staying away from that storm and heading for better grounds. Thanks for sharing and so sorry this happened to you. It was clearly a benefit for you to find someone who will trear you better. You will see the better outcomes when you heal and move on!!! Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I left my longterm A recently been strong for over a month. Cut off any resources from him for the first and longest time. He did take a pic of his starting D papers when I left. I never responded because like your story this can clearly happen to anyone. I always wonder if he will really go thru with it. For someone who held on to his M after a longterm A but then I wonder rekindling is more relevant when a trauma like a D is happening. It is why I am staying away from that storm and heading for better grounds. Thanks for sharing and so sorry this happened to you. It was clearly a benefit for you to find someone who will trear you better. You will see the better outcomes when you heal and move on!!! I think were alot alike where we want to believe were over it (see your post from May) But I tjink the heart and the mind conflict. The mind tells you...be done... He contacts you again...your in cause the heart never let go. Its gonna have to be us that firmly slams the door to more chances to be used. For me...it would have to be closing my email account and blocking his number. For you, it would have to be stop going to these shows. It messes with your head to keep seeing him. It allows you to play the game (I mean this positively) as well "showing" him your done by ignoring him. But ultimately if were really done its gotta be in heart mind action...its gotta truly be meant in the soul. For all xaps struggling I think we all kinda keep the light on. Keep the emotional door open. Deep down theres that hope he will come sweeping in like they cant live without us. The self esteem has suffered in us and were so compromised it seems almost pointless to begin the uphill battle of moving on 100% without them. But we should and we could if we stop with the maybes, the romantic inside us, the reminiscing, and the what ifs...one last thought for you...his wife...shes got a husband sending another woman copies of fake divorce papers...is he worthy of you if he left her? This guy is the lowest. Dust yourself off girl...let this time be the slamming of the door. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 OMG, I am soooooo sorry to hear that... I can imagine how it hurts! I hope your feelings will fade away and you won't care anymore. Once a spoke to a guy who's sister had the OM. He told he she went back and forth 4 (!) times before she ended up with this OM. Each situation is unique, but I wish all of us to avod such kind of situations.... Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I can't say that I'm sorry things didn't work out with your MM but I am sorry you were "used and abused". No one deserves to be treated that way but as you said, that's the risk you take when you get involved with married partners. I hope you will take your own advice and stay strong in your new found conviction. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
escafeld Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I was sceptical a few weeks ago when my MM contacted me, wanting to see, telling me he had left his wife and wanted me. I did go to his new house where the neighbour confirmed MM was living alone having separated from his wife. MM even showed me the correspondence from his solicitor. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, told him how I felt about him but made it clear he had to be divorced before getting involved with me in a bona fide relationship. Since that visit, I unblocked his number from my phone but there has hardly been any contact between us until last week when he told me he was going on holiday with his wife, he'd had second thoughts, was very sorry, but decided to patch things up with her. So I have been well and truely used, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I want absolutely nothing more to do with him. I've changed my mobile number and only my close friends and family have got the number. My reason for posting is really a warning to anyone contemplating an affair - don't go there - it causes too much of an emotional rollercoaster. The only one that gets hurt is you. He'll find a way back Link to post Share on other sites
Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I think were alot alike where we want to believe were over it (see your post from May) But I tjink the heart and the mind conflict. The mind tells you...be done... He contacts you again...your in cause the heart never let go. Its gonna have to be us that firmly slams the door to more chances to be used. For me...it would have to be closing my email account and blocking his number. For you, it would have to be stop going to these shows. It messes with your head to keep seeing him. It allows you to play the game (I mean this positively) as well "showing" him your done by ignoring him. But ultimately if were really done its gotta be in heart mind action...its gotta truly be meant in the soul. For all xaps struggling I think we all kinda keep the light on. Keep the emotional door open. Deep down theres that hope he will come sweeping in like they cant live without us. The self esteem has suffered in us and were so compromised it seems almost pointless to begin the uphill battle of moving on 100% without them. But we should and we could if we stop with the maybes, the romantic inside us, the reminiscing, and the what ifs...one last thought for you...his wife...shes got a husband sending another woman copies of fake divorce papers...is he worthy of you if he left her? This guy is the lowest. Dust yourself off girl...let this time be the slamming of the door. I know it's over. This is by far the longest I cut him out and have cut complete contact. I don't go searching for him anymore. I can prove my worth on this. I know in the past I went back. The post in may surely was from last year when he did the other vacation. Yea I did go back then. However I have grown out of it. You do feel tired and for me to cut it off and not look back. I am just happy to feel better in not going back. So thanks herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 He'll find a way back I have a feeling in the back of my mind that he'll try to worm his way back in but I'm prepared for that. He won't get back into my life again. A couple of days after he told me he was going on holiday with his wife, we were both at the same dog show. He was judging and I was exhibiting in a different ring, but neither of us spoke to eachother and we kept out of eachother's way. I know he has moved up the ladder in the dog world and is doing more judging and competing at a higher level that me. So, we will probably very rarely come across eachother now. To keep within the Kennel Club rules, I just have to avoid being abusive, to a show official if ever he is stewarding etc. I'm always polite and civil at every show no matter who is officiating. I love my hobby and my dogs and noone is going to prevent me from doing something I enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Good on you. This guy just doesn't exist for you any more. Keep your chin up and keep moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Actually - you aren't the only one that gets hurt - everybody does. Especially the innocent children and family members who are supposed to be the focus of attention of the one who is doing the cheating. You are very correct though, nothing good is going to come out of an affair no matter what. I hope there are better days ahead for you as well as better choices. You do deserve to be loved and to be in a committed loving relationship. Hopefully, when that happens, your husband will not walk down this road. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 Actually - you aren't the only one that gets hurt - everybody does. Especially the innocent children and family members who are supposed to be the focus of attention of the one who is doing the cheating. You are very correct though, nothing good is going to come out of an affair no matter what. I hope there are better days ahead for you as well as better choices. You do deserve to be loved and to be in a committed loving relationship. Hopefully, when that happens, your husband will not walk down this road. Your right, everybody gets hurt in the majority of affairs. In my case, exMM and I made a pact, which was not to tell anyone including family and friends about our affair. His wife didn't know about me, if she had, she would have come knocking on my door. My ex husband was unaware of the affair, if he had, me and exMM would have known about the consequences. Neither me nor my exMM have children. I'm not excusing what we did, just saying, in our case, noone else got hurt. It will be a long time before I will have the confidence to get involved with another man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 Actually - you aren't the only one that gets hurt - everybody does. Especially the innocent children and family members who are supposed to be the focus of attention of the one who is doing the cheating. You are very correct though, nothing good is going to come out of an affair no matter what. I hope there are better days ahead for you as well as better choices. You do deserve to be loved and to be in a committed loving relationship. Hopefully, when that happens, your husband will not walk down this road. Your right, everybody gets hurt in the majority of affairs. In my case, exMM and I made a pact, which was not to tell anyone including family and friends about our affair. His wife didn't know about me, if she had, she would have come knocking on my door. My ex husband was unaware of the affair, if he had, me and exMM would have known about the consequences. Neither me nor my exMM have children. I'm not excusing what we did, just saying, in our case, noone else got hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
lovedandlostit Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Sometimes OW are part of the drama for the BS to really fight for their marriage. I personally wouldn't take shyte back after that, but it breaks the monotony for a bit when there's competition. My MMs BS started involving all the family and planning nice things to do, saying that the affair was her fault as she'd neglected him (heard that from family member). Don't be part of their drama. Hell be back anyway when the novelty wears off. They usually are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 Sometimes OW are part of the drama for the BS to really fight for their marriage. I personally wouldn't take shyte back after that, but it breaks the monotony for a bit when there's competition. My MMs BS started involving all the family and planning nice things to do, saying that the affair was her fault as she'd neglected him (heard that from family member). Don't be part of their drama. Hell be back anyway when the novelty wears off. They usually are. No doubt my exMM will try and get back into my life, but whatever tactic he tries, he'll fail. I gave him the benefit of the doubt when he said he had left his wife, was starting divorce proceedings and wanted me, but he'll never get the benefit of the doubt again. I want nothing to do with him. In my case I don't think I was part of the drama. I know he won't have told his wife about me, she would be knocking on my door if he had/does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Good! You deserve so much better than him. Keep your boundaries strong. Best of luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 He'll find a way back He tried today and I've blown him out of the water. He contacted me through facebook through my other inbox as we are not friends on there anymore. I'm more furious than anything because he was just playing games with me. He wanted to meet up. I said point blank no and told him never to contact me again. I've blocked him on fb so he can't see my profile nor contact me. I'm not a vindictive person but part of me is tempted to contact his wife anonymously and say her hubby is playing around but I know that will just open a can of worms and she will end up really hurt if is not aware of his past affair with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyRock Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Honesty is best. Im sure the wife is struggling to figure out what the heck is going on with him, blaming herself ect. At least she would know why. At any rate usually just threatening it to married men will make then slither away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 He tried today and I've blown him out of the water. He contacted me through facebook through my other inbox as we are not friends on there anymore. I'm more furious than anything because he was just playing games with me. He wanted to meet up. I said point blank no and told him never to contact me again. I've blocked him on fb so he can't see my profile nor contact me. I'm not a vindictive person but part of me is tempted to contact his wife anonymously and say her hubby is playing around but I know that will just open a can of worms and she will end up really hurt if is not aware of his past affair with me. Wow! He really had the nerve to contact you after what happened?? Unreal. I'm glad you said what you did. Good for you. I agree -- if a man did this to me, he wouldn't get another chance to do it again. He blew it big-time. His loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Cressida Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) What a huge a-hole this man is. Disgusting piece of $hit. I can't believe he'd be so indecisive, make decisions for today and forget about them tomorrow, buys a house, then changes his mind? Perhaps it was just an act. Or he's just fickle as hell and you're better off without him. What a douchebag.....first tells you that he's going on a holiday with his wife to patch things up, then he wants to meet....... you should tell his wife, just for the heck of it. It doesn't make you a vindictive person, it makes you honest...that poor woman has the right to know. Can you imagine what has been going on in her heart, separated, then being told she's back in the saddle again....unbelievable this guy. To just pop up and ask you to meet him. F**ing idiot. Go tell his wife....you'd be doing her a favor Edited October 26, 2014 by Cressida Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Yes hes had the nerve to try his luck which is why Im furious. Ive mulled it over all day about telling his wife. Im no better than him for going behind her back and getting involved with him. Because of that Ive decided not to contact her and keep any memory or thoughts of him out if my mind. Instead Ive sent one final text telling him that ihe ever contacts me again I will tell his wife about us. He wint be able to reply because Ive withheld my number. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Sometimes OW are part of the drama for the BS to really fight for their marriage. I personally wouldn't take shyte back after that, but it breaks the monotony for a bit when there's competition. My MMs BS started involving all the family and planning nice things to do, saying that the affair was her fault as she'd neglected him (heard that from family member). Don't be part of their drama. Hell be back anyway when the novelty wears off. They usually are. His wife was dumb to say it was her fault. She didn't do the cheating he did. She never should have taken the blame. Now he knows if he does it again she will take the blame. In my opinion she made a major mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Yes hes had the nerve to try his luck which is why Im furious. Ive mulled it over all day about telling his wife. Im no better than him for going behind her back and getting involved with him. Because of that Ive decided not to contact her and keep any memory or thoughts of him out if my mind. Instead Ive sent one final text telling him that ihe ever contacts me again I will tell his wife about us. He wint be able to reply because Ive withheld my number. Why don't you tell his wife? She deserves to know she's married to a lying cheater. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Why don't you tell his wife? She deserves to know she's married to a lying cheater. I will if he ever manages to contact me again. He told me she checks his phone so she may see my final message to him anyway. I just want to put everything behind me now and him out of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Just curious, exactly how long has he been separated from his BS? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Just curious, exactly how long has he been separated from his BS? I dont know he is separated now but he was living on his own in July and had been since May 2014. Why do ask? Link to post Share on other sites
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