Reversed Situation

[yxalitis]

So last year I was the OM in a bizarre relationship.

Short summary, he was after a permanent, part-time girlfriend, she was sick of his crap, but instead of dumping him (She tried several times, he just kept coming back, unconcerned with her requests, and she was so in love, and well, stupid, she kept letting him return) she resorted to finding a replacement.

 

That was me, but after 6 months, including moving in with her (Yes, he was THAT distant), I gave up, and left her.

 

I did it nicely, telling her that I could offer her the life she wanted, she just had to leave him for me, no more crap.

 

She didn't, so I left.

 

She was very upset about that (She really did care for me) so she finally dumped him, and contacted me to try again a few months later.

 

I was naturally full of doubts, but I was a fool in love, and after being assured he really was gone (He was) I started dating again.

 

We decided to move in together again, but just before that, the warning bells started.

 

I began to suspect she was seeing him again.

 

She lied to me about her whereabouts one night when she basically when NC for 18 hours, and changed her story 3 times. That was before I moved in.

She lied again about another night out "with friends" again, changing her story a few times.

He started calling again..like, 4-5 times a day.

She would answer them, even though she claimed she didn't know why he was calling all the time, and knowing that I wasn't happy about the calls, if you're not together with him don't answer..simple!

 

I lost it with her, pulled her up on all her inconsistencies, and started making arrangements to move out.

 

She was very upset and angry (She hates being caught out in a lie) but refused to admit the truth of it. She was devastated that I was going to move out, crocodile tears galore.

 

Now here's the thing, I have no definitive proof, just a 99% certainty.

Last time we were together I knew all about him, so that was my fault, this time she assures me she isn't together with him. She admits she lied, but that she can't share the real reason with me, not yet anyway.

 

So IF she is with him, she has to lie to BOTH of us, whilst living with me!

No way she can sustain that.

 

Here's what I think happened.

 

I suspect she slipped back with him, but really doesn't want him, is aware of her weakness, and desperately trying to pull away again.

She doesn't want to lose me, hence her denial in the face of overwhelming, if circumstantial, evidence.

 

She really did tell him to call less often, I have no idea what reason she would have given him.

 

But I saw another possibility.

I thought if he know about me, things would catalyse quickly.

He never knew about me last time, but I think he was very suspiscious.

Basically, I wanted to let him know about me, without letting her know I told him.

 

But, I had no plan or idea how to achieve my goal, so I basically gave up.

 

Now, she often drives my car, he asked her about that already "Isn't that [my name]'s car?

She said she bought it from me, although she clearly can't afford it, so he already had a seed of suspicion.

 

Then on Sunday, I knew he was dropping her off to her friends house after another night when she "Stayed at a party". This was the night she told me she was seeing him to discuss his constant calling, I really do think she said something. (I would clearly notice if the call volume was not changing.) so I knew she was with him at night, but her story was, meet him,. go to party, stay at party, go home. She claimed she asked him to pick her up and take her home because he was closer, so I knew what to do.

I drove up the street he would drive down, at about the right time. I didn't go back and forth for ages, I made one trip.

 

BOOM, he drives past, sees me, oh the look...PRICELESS!

He was literally staring at me. slowly turning his head as we passed each other.

 

My girlfriend didn't notice, and evidently, he didn't say anything.

 

He didn't call until that night, she spoke to me afterward:

"Funny, he asked how you were, I said ''I haven't seen you for ages'"

 

So, now he knows she is lying to him, I know she is lying to me.

 

Let's see what happens now.

 

Yes I should leave her like the plague, but there are other factors in our relationship I won't share here that allow me to accept her transgression this once.

 

Yes, most of you will think I'm an idiot, that's fine.

But whatever, I think this is an interesting story that will entertain at the least.

 

Yes, I do have a problem...

Edited August 4, 2014 by yxalitis

[herself]

What kind of guy doesnt step up to his gf and ex and address it head on? Tell him, tell her, calmly and face to face, get the truth out and get your life together. Your in a love triangle. Is this fun or something? The way your hanging back seems foolish and inviting drama. You only get one life...

[yxalitis]

What kind of guy doesnt step up to his gf and ex and address it head on? Tell him, tell her, calmly and face to face, get the truth out and get your life together. Your in a love triangle. Is this fun or something? The way your hanging back seems foolish and inviting drama. You only get one life...

Meanwhile, back in the real world.

 

Scenario #1 I tell GF I know, and to stop:

I've done that, I get denial. I have no definitive proof.

 

Scenrio #2 I call the other guy and ask him what's going on

GF has already requested I not let him know we are together, too soon, not wanting to hurt him, etc. This ON IT'S OWN is OK, I can respect that. So by going to him, she immediately is hurt, confronted, revealed, result, total separation no winners.

 

Scenraio #3 confront them together...

How, in his house? In his bed?

That is the ONLY place I can definitely state that I know they are together, and not just friends or acting as part of the business he legitimately does have with her brother, hardly a likely situation to engineer.

 

I want this to happen.

 

He realises that she is seeing me, that I am living with her, that we are together. He puts 2 and 2 together, and works out that was the situation before.

 

He ****s off for good, realising her request for reduced contact originated from that desire.

[Shadowburn]

I have Scenario #4 for you. How about collecting you belongings, walking out of the door in calm and collected manner like a grown man and never looking back?

 

What are you getting out of this juvenile drama? You really think this shady girl and her dysfunctional ways of dealing with relationships is the best you can do for yourself?

[Lovemesomehim]

What good is it being in a relationship with someone you do not trust?

It obvious that she's lying about something or someone, either way you look at it, it has you in doubt.

[yxalitis]

OK, So here's what I did.

 

I rang the ex-boyfriend.

I said we need to talk, as I think we are both being played for a fool.

Can you asnwer me one question, are you in a relationship with [her].

"Yes I am"

"Interesting, because so am I, in fact I'm living with her."

 

So we had a man-to-man talk, it was pretty easy, but I guess the upshot is she'll lose both of us.

 

Stupid girl, how on Earth she thought she could get away with it I have no idea.

 

I'm so numb I can't feel the pain..it will come though.

[Shadowburn]

The pain that you will feel will be a short-term one. If you'd stay with her, you pain will be never-ending.

You will heal and will find someone to love who'd love you back, someone who you'd be able to trust and have a real relationship with. But you need to work on yourself and see why you engaged with her for so long, knowing everything from the very beginning. Work on your confidence and self-esteem. Did you feel you had to win over that other guy? Did it give you an additional thrill, like you got something he couldn't have? Best of luck to you xo