My Little Crush

[Crystal_the_Vixen]

TLDR; I think My Boyfriend doesn't love me the same anymore because of my little crush & I think he was about to break up with me because of the little crush, but maybe it's just my anxiety disorder. I feel really guilty & upset about my little crush, I really need advice to make me feel better.

 

One day my boyfriend started getting really jealous of my male friend on XBOX, because he seemed really cool & I seemed alot happier around him.

He told me~

"I've really lost my color lately, I really get such a strong feeling of that Bandit is so much better for you then me, like he keeps you ALOT happier then I do, and i'm just old, negitive news that everyone would be better on without

I just want to be the best I can do for you, and I see that I don't seem to be able to do better at that then someone else

And seeing someone else who's ALOT cooler and better then me come in and make you have such a greater time really makes me see I don't do a good job at being a good man for you."

 

Then later on we have this conversation~

Him: honestly, would he make a better boyfriend then me? and do you like him more then a friend at all?

honestly

i'd so understand if you said yes to both

 

Me: He's kinda cute, but he's just my friend. He's not my type. I really don't wanna lose you.

 

Him: I don't want to loose you either, but I don't feel very worthy of being keepable

you didn't anwser my first question

 

Me: Probably not.

 

Him: or really my second, do you like him is any way possible then a friend?

okay

*more then a friend

 

Me: He's just my friend, look I really care about our relationship. Him and I are willing to not be friends anymore for our relationship to work ok.

 

Him: I know, but you seem upset about him offering to do that.

Which is why I don't want you to talk to him about any of this

 

Me: Because he's a really good friend of mine, but I care about our relationship alot more.

 

Him: I really want you happy tho, so keep him around

 

Me: I might ask Tyler to delete me on facebook and xbox, i really don't want to deal with this drama anymore in our relationship. But I'm gunna sleep on it for now.

 

Him: no, it's fine, I want you happy, I don't talk or say anything at all about it anyways, I want you happy

 

Then later that night I thought about my friend and if I really did like him more than a friend. Then I realized "Yeah, I think do have a crush on him... But only a little crush, I need to tell My Boyfriend."

 

The Next Day...

Me: I don't know, I guess I kinda very little bit like Tyler/Bandit more than a friend. It's because he makes me feel wanted, he wants to spend time with me, he wants to talk to me. And for you it's just Blazing Hooves and Tori, I'm not your priority unless he's around. But I just want to be friends with him only, these are just feelings I can't help.

If my feelings does get stronger for him, I might have to stop being friends with him. I wish I didn't have little feelings for him, but I'm just too unhappy in the relationship that my brain is pulling the grass is greener on the other side thing. If i felt more of a priority to you, I probably wouldn't have gotten feelings for him in the first place.

I really want our relationship to be successful, breaking up is NOT a option for me. But a relationship is a 2 way street, I'm happy you're trying.

Tyler mainly sees me as a friend, which is a very good thing. I told him about me having a little crush on him because how I'm starting to be unhappy in my relationship.

Do you think I should stop being friends with Tyler, just for the sake of our relationship? I think it's disrespectful for me to be friends with a guy I kinda like, I love you too much to hurt you. I really wish I didn't have a little crush on Tyler.

 

Later on we "Me & My Friend" make the decision to delete & block eachother on facebook & xbox.

Then I send My Boyfriend another facebook message.

 

Me: WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!!! I really care about you and our relationship being successful. Okay?

He's even blocking me too, I hope you appreciate what were doing for you.

 

I even send him pictures of proof that we did block/delete eachother.

Later that day My Boyfriend finally gets online, he says.

 

Him: I knew it...

ugh, oh my god... like I keep ****ing saying... I try to include you as well, but you don't follow, or are you ever interested in what we do

so you would prefer him over me as a boyfriend

 

Me: I was telling the truth, but later on I thought about it. And I thought I kinda do like him k?

 

Him: so assuming you'd rather have him as a boyfriend then me right?

 

Me: I still want you "BF name", even though I'm kinda unhappy in the relationship. I believe you will get better, I believe in you. I won't give up on you, since you didn't give up on me when I was giving you a hard time in the past.

 

Him: ugh

having your girlfriend have a crush on another guy while being in a relationship feels so weird

 

Then we argue about he does make me a priority....

 

Me: Getting a crush on someone is not a choice, if it was I would have never gotten a little crush on Tyler.

I don't wanna lose you "BF name".

Go ahead play games with your friends, please. I want you happy, I'm not even online.

 

Him:

it's okay... I don't want to loose you either

and I don't want too

so do you still like Bandit, and are you still un-happy being with me?

 

Me: I don't ****ing give a **** about bandit, he WAS just a little crush because he was giving me something you weren't for a little while. I'm okay now.

 

Him: But I was trying to give you attention and involving you, but you aern't interested in what we were doing

 

Then later on I realize exactly why I got a little crush on my friend. It's because he likes to talk to me & he talks to me alot, but My Boyfriend mostly talks to his friends not me on XBOX. I realized I love it when people talk to me, I'm like a parrot. Parrots love being talked to, so I was unhappy because My Boyfriend wasn't giving me exactly what I needed, which was talking to me more often.

 

Me: I love you a lot even though the relationship isn't bright right now, he was talking to me alot. It's not the game activity, it's talking to me. I love being talked to, I rarely did game activities with him just talked to him.

 

Him: I love you alot tooand sorry, depression and life hasn't made me very talkitive lately, I wish I could talk more, but I just can't

 

Me: I'm sorry, sweetheart.

 

The next day My Boyfriend starts talking to me alot, the way he talked to his friends. I message him on facebook.

 

Me: I'm very happy now that you're giving me the attention I've been needing. I only liked Tyler a little bit because he was giving me something I needed in the relationship, but I DON'T have that little crush on him anymore now that I'm happy in the relationship again. It's okay to talk to Blazing Hooves, as long as you include me too. I love being talked to, I'm like a parrot.

But even though I DON'T have a little crush on Tyler anymore, I still want him blocked forever. Because I respect and love you a lot.

I'm gunna go back on Abilify, because me stopping Abilify was kinda a fail. I think Abilify makes me a better girlfriend, not being on Abilify kinda makes me go back to my old ways. Right?

My therapist told me I need to go back on Abilify so I'm less of a burden on you and my family.

 

Him: aaww, that's good you're happy

and alright, if you want mew, I want you to do what makes you happy

 

TLDR; I think My Boyfriend doesn't love me the same anymore because of my little crush & I think he was about to break up with me because of the little crush, but maybe it's just my anxiety disorder. I feel really guilty & upset about my little crush, I really need advice to make me feel better.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Crystal_the_Vixen

[IfWishesWereHorses]

You need to finish high school, go to a great university, graduate and find a good job! THEN worry about boyfriends! They are barely a part if the equation at this point!

[whichwayisup]

Me: WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!!! I really care about you and our relationship being successful. Okay?

He's even blocking me too, I hope you appreciate what were doing for you.

 

This sounds like you're playing a game with your boyfriend and doing him a huge favour by ending the friendship with your crush and making him feel bad about it too.

 

This whole thing sounds dramatic. This guy you're crushing on, have you even met him or is he someone only online?

 

You and your boyfriend need to spend more time together and go out/do stuff as a couple.

[Crystal_the_Vixen]

This sounds like you're playing a game with your boyfriend and doing him a huge favour by ending the friendship with your crush and making him feel bad about it too.

 

This whole thing sounds dramatic. This guy you're crushing on, have you even met him or is he someone only online?

 

You and your boyfriend need to spend more time together and go out/do stuff as a couple.

 

I didn't mean to make him feel bad, I just wanted him to appreciate what I did.

The way I worded it came out wrong.

[gettingstronger]

Your screen name and your actions say a whole different story than what you wrote- have you spoken to your therapist about your need for attention and your self image- that may be a good start to a healthier you-

[DKT3]

Validation has to come from within, its not any guys responsibilty to "make you happy". Your partner should only enhance your happiness not be the foundation from which it grows.

 

PS, you handled that about as poorly as you could. You totally pushed your actions off as being your boyfriends fault. This is a dangerous habit to have in life period not just in relationships.

[whichwayisup]

I didn't mean to make him feel bad, I just wanted him to appreciate what I did.

The way I worded it came out wrong.

 

Appreciate that you gave up a friend that you had feelings for? Honestly, it seems you really don't want to end the friendship, he probably knows this too.

 

And your crush like feelings are still there, they don't just disappear over night so please don't tell him that it's all gone. You're lying to yourself (and to him) by saying that.

 

Also if you have to go on anti depressants to be a good girlfriend to him, then maybe you need some counseling as well. I say that respectfully... You two haven't been together that long, less than 2 months so really there shouldn't be so many issues/problems going on so early. it could be that you two aren't great as a couple.

[Crystal_the_Vixen]

I told my boyfriend: Loveshack is saying that I guilt tripped or made you feel it was your fault, did I? If so, I'm really sorry.

[chelsea2011]

Validation has to come from within, its not any guys responsibilty to "make you happy". Your partner should only enhance your happiness not be the foundation from which it grows.

 

PS, you handled that about as poorly as you could. You totally pushed your actions off as being your boyfriends fault. This is a dangerous habit to have in life period not just in relationships.

 

^^ this.

 

Telling your BF the way you did was very passive aggressive. You throw him a compliment and then passive aggressively slap him by saying you are still crushing on the OM. What sane person would want to hang around after being treated like that?

 

Apologizing is one thing, but do you truly understand or feel how hurtful your actions were to your BF? If you don't feel the impact of your actions your apology means squat.