Affair with married lesbian/bi ended

[nycrunner]

I'm married and had an affair with a woman married to another woman.

We met on a dating site. Her location was 200 miles away. I was on the dating site seeking validation - I suppose I wanted to see if was still attractive and needed female opinions. We started texting and we connected immediately. We would texted constantly - Initially, I guess it would be called an emotional affair. All these terms are new to me. We decided to meet and I went to see her. The connection was immediate - we lusted for one and other. Our first sexual encounter lasted 7 hours in my hotel room and she visited the next for another 5 hours.

 

 

 

Continue later...

[Hope Shimmers]

Sorry, but are you a man or a woman? It wasn't clear from the post (or I missed it).

 

Are you asking for advice?

[lovinDKT3]

Sorry, but are you a man or a woman? It wasn't clear from the post (or I missed it).

 

Are you asking for advice?

I'm guessing male thus the BI. However it reads like a woman wrote it.

[nycrunner]

I'm married and had an affair with a woman married to another woman.

We met on a dating site. Her location was 200 miles away. I was on the dating site seeking validation - I suppose I wanted to see if was still attractive and needed female opinions. We started texting and we connected immediately. We would texted constantly - Initially, I guess it would be called an emotional affair. All these terms are new to me. We decided to meet and I went to see her. The connection was immediate - we lusted for one and other. Our first sexual encounter lasted 7 hours in my hotel room and she visited the next for another 5 hours.

Continue later...

Hmm.. It won't let me edit the original. So, here it is.

It's a long read. I've so much to write. I just discover this forum.

Oh the end result is I'm heartbroken and I need to deal with it.

 

 

Edit:

I've been married for 15 years. There is no intimacy or sex in my marriage in over 5 years. We have kids and there isn't any affection at all. It's the daily grind - work, take care of kids, argue - repeat.

I don't go out. I don't keep in touch with friends. It feels like my existence is to just provide for the family. I know I'm missing alot of emotional connection. I never realized it until my affair.

You can say I'm extremely lonely. Even though, Ive a family to take care of.

 

So I started seeking validation to see if I'm desirable. I guess it's a mid life crisis. Actually, reflecting back I wished I would have just bought a sports car like most mid life crisis guys.

Since, the affair has caused me alot of emotional pain and the realization that I'm not whole.

 

Onwards to my story.

 

I'm married male and I had an affair with a married bi woman.

I was on the dating site seeking validation - I suppose I wanted to see if I was still attractive and needed to flirt with women. I purposely selected a location 200 miles away from my hometown to keep the distance for safety. I was very surprised when I was matching up with alot of women and my texting game was working effectively. Remember, this is coming from a guy that don't flirt or pickup women in real life. It was beyond my dreams that I was having success on a dating site - I suppose I'm still good looking and Ive charm.

 

I had three women I was constantly texting, flirting, and sexting. Life was exciting again. I felt wanted and needed.

 

There was one that held the most interest was the OW - from her pics she is absolutely gorgeous.

We started texting and we connected immediately. We would texted constantly - Initially, I guess it would be called an emotional affair. All these terms are new to me.

A majority of my texting was directed to her. I can't get enough of her - she was addicting. Whereas, my interest in the others dissipated. I'd get bored texting the other two - so I'd just copy/paste texts I used with the OW.

 

So the OW suggested we meet in real life. I was so nervous. What if she doesn't like my appearance. What if she rejects me. So, I set up a trip to visit the city for the weekend.

Three days before the trip we had some heavy sexting during the daytime and nighttime - with videos/pics. The lust was unreal between us. In addition,I've setup to meet the other two women I texted.

 

When I met OW the connection was immediate - we lusted for one and other. I couldn't utter a word when I saw her. I was numb. I had all these lines in my head to say to her but all I could mutter was "you're beautiful". I must have said over 7 times to her.

 

We went to a restaurant for lunch and we couldn't stop touching each other. The attraction was out of control. Initially, she said no sex. I was fine. I didn't care. I just wanted to be next to her.

 

After lunch, we went back to the hotel so I can change my clothes. I purposely took off my shirt and she walked over and pushed me down onto the couch. She got on top of me and we kissed passionately for a lifetime.

 

first sexual encounter lasted 7 hours in my hotel room and she visited the next for another 5 hours.

 

Continue later...

[whichwayisup]

If you had put this much effort into your wife and marriage, try to reconnect with the woman you obviously loved years ago, enough to marry and have children with, maybe an affair wouldn't be an option.

 

Have you spoken to your wife about how you feel? Being unhappy and disconnected from her? You both have allowed "life" to get in the way and you chose to focus on certain aspects of your life, leaving you unfulfilled. That's on you, not your wife and marriage. Cutting friends and hobbies out of your life, things you loved to do before having kids, wasn't the right decision as now you're suffering for it.

 

An affair only magnifies the problems in your life. It's a quick band aid and not solving the real issues going on inside of you. If anything, as you probably know already an affair complicates things and your wife doesn't deserve you cheating on her. Either fix yourself, your marriage and try to make it work with her, or divorce. Cheating and betraying her is going to blow up your family unit as most affairs ARE found out about.

[nycrunner]

We stayed in the room for 7 hours before she had to leave. I didn't want her to leave. During the time, I started tearing because I knew Ive fallen for her. It was so confusing for me. However, at the same time I was so elated and happy. She visited the next day and we were together for another 5 hours. It was tearing me apart because I felt I wouldn't see her again.

 

The day I left to go back home. She texted to stay in touch. I said no emotions and it was all for fun.

 

We continued texting and voice chatting - night and day for three weeks. Then she visited me and we spent another 7 hours in the hotel room.

 

Our texting/voice chat continued as I was planning a trip to visit her for the weekend. Three days before my trip she called and she was tearing/upset for feeling guilty for cheating. The voice call was emotional. I said fine lets end this however she said her feelings are the same for me - that she loves me. We ended the call and texted at night - for over 4 hours. We made up - I guess the stage of "being in love" where the oxytocin is just too strong for any rational thoughts.

 

I should have known this was the beginning of the end because she was always freaking out for cheating on her wife.

 

However, I made my trip to the city. I met her and we had the most loving weekend. She said things like "where were you 5 years ago", "you're the man of my dreams", etc. After the weekend, I was simply exhausted - it took a week for me to recover from the activities.

 

The next episode - Heartbreak..

[nycrunner]

If you had put this much effort into your wife and marriage, try to reconnect with the woman you obviously loved years ago, enough to marry and have children with, maybe an affair wouldn't be an option.

 

Have you spoken to your wife about how you feel? Being unhappy and disconnected from her? You both have allowed "life" to get in the way and you chose to focus on certain aspects of your life, leaving you unfulfilled. That's on you, not your wife and marriage. Cutting friends and hobbies out of your life, things you loved to do before having kids, wasn't the right decision as now you're suffering for it.

 

An affair only magnifies the problems in your life. It's a quick band aid and not solving the real issues going on inside of you. If anything, as you probably know already an affair complicates things and your wife doesn't deserve you cheating on her. Either fix yourself, your marriage and try to make it work with her, or divorce. Cheating and betraying her is going to blow up your family unit as most affairs ARE found out about.

 

Yes, I realized it now. I'm planning on a seeing a therapist and help navigate through these issues. I simply don't know if I can get the attraction back into the marriage. Even if I can't fix it - divorce is not an option. I don't want to ruin the kids.

 

 

To be honest, I don't think I love her. I married her out of guilt because we were together so long.

She forced the marriage. Is it fair - no. But I didn't know any better.

Is this a mid life crisis I'm going through? Or am I simply lonely?

[whichwayisup]

You and your wife are ruining the kids now. What they see is a dad who has emotionally checked out and not connected to their mom. They are learning what a relationship is like by example.

 

You can still be a great dad and love your kids if you and your wife divorce. You two can co parent together and have well adjusted and happy children.

[jellybean89]

By your own admission, you spend hours texting and talking to women...do you not have a job? You obviously aren't being a parent when you are spending all your time "sexting" with strange women you pick up on a dating website.

 

I do not get this sexting and sending videos of sex acts to strangers! The state of your marriage is 50% your fault. Now you believe you were forced to marry and have sex/kids with someone?

 

So when one of these OW go bunny boiler on you, and threaten to expose your dirty texts to your wife and kids, will the thrill of "7 hours of sex" be worth the fall out? Will you be proud to tell your kids of your behavior?

 

Let your wife go. You are not invested in your marriage or your kids.

[nycrunner]

You and your wife are ruining the kids now. What they see is a dad who has emotionally checked out and not connected to their mom. They are learning what a relationship is like by example.

 

You can still be a great dad and love your kids if you and your wife divorce. You two can co parent together and have well adjusted and happy children.

 

Understood.. I need to figure out my next steps

 

By your own admission, you spend hours texting and talking to women...do you not have a job? You obviously aren't being a parent when you are spending all your time "sexting" with strange women you pick up on a dating website.

 

I do not get this sexting and sending videos of sex acts to strangers! The state of your marriage is 50% your fault. Now you believe you were forced to marry and have sex/kids with someone?

 

So when one of these OW go bunny boiler on you, and threaten to expose your dirty texts to your wife and kids, will the thrill of "7 hours of sex" be worth the fall out? Will you be proud to tell your kids of your behavior?

 

Let your wife go. You are not invested in your marriage or your kids.

 

Sexting was at night. That's a whole topic in itself. To be honest, I've text/sext alot of women and I don't think it's bad because it's the internet.

However, I'm wrong because I see numerous posts on here where people get all freaked out about that topic.

 

My affair with the bisexual has ended. I'm reevaluating all aspects of my life. I was going on the belief "you only live once and enjoy it". I never had the dating period when I was younger hence perhaps that is why I'm acting out.

 

I've stopped all contacts with everyone and everything I've done. The main culprit was tinder - it was simply too easy to meet/find women.

 

Perhaps, I was just in a state of what ifs.

 

Ive now realized the damage I've done for everyone involved. I've been reading alot on infidelity, affairs, etc..

 

Im just going forward and will determine the next episode

[nycrunner]

By your own admission, you spend hours texting and talking to women...do you not have a job? You obviously aren't being a parent when you are spending all your time "sexting" with strange women you pick up on a dating website.

 

I do not get this sexting and sending videos of sex acts to strangers! The state of your marriage is 50% your fault. Now you believe you were forced to marry and have sex/kids with someone?

 

So when one of these OW go bunny boiler on you, and threaten to expose your dirty texts to your wife and kids, will the thrill of "7 hours of sex" be worth the fall out? Will you be proud to tell your kids of your behavior?

 

Let your wife go. You are not invested in your marriage or your kids.

 

Life is short. Time for fun. I'm sorry you got hurt. But it is what it is.

[whichwayisup]

Life is short. Time for fun. I'm sorry you got hurt. But it is what it is.

 

Then divorce your wife or ask for an open marriage. You're having fun ON the expense of her.

 

Just my 2 cents, respectfully, if you want help and to be taken a bit more seriously when you post about your situation maybe think about not saying "will determine the next episode", "The next episode - Heartbreak.." "Continue later..." at the end of your posts as it makes your situation read as fiction.

[nycrunner]

Then divorce your wife or ask for an open marriage. You're having fun ON the expense of her.

 

Just my 2 cents, respectfully, if you want help and to be taken a bit more seriously when you post about your situation maybe think about not saying "will determine the next episode", "The next episode - Heartbreak.." "Continue later..." at the end of your posts as it makes your situation read as fiction.

 

all the spurn spouses think divorce is an easy. hello, theres a financial and emotional impact. the time and effort to navigate and unwind such a big decision. an open marriage would be ideal. i need to read the other forums and determine the best way to bring up such a sensitive topic.

 

i wish it was fiction. immaking light of it as a coping mechanism. like im going to cry on the internet and expect sympathy from all the cheated on spouses here.

[scatterd]

You should of tried to put effort in your wife. Now you have neglected your marriage. Us woman are smarter then men think your wife may of figured something is going on and has plans of her own. I would seek counseling for your marriage and your self. Is loosing your family worth it?