randomwoman Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 I'm a MOW having an EA with a MM. I find that I can't necessarily play the role of a 'girlfriend'. MOW, do you find it difficult to avoid nagging at the MM at times? I feel like the 'wife' in me slips out too much. He already has one of those:o Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 You think you're going to hear anything else? it's what you've signed up for, when you decided to embark on a EA. Second best. Which incidentally, is also what you are giving you H..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I think if you find you are a nagging personality, then that will likely follow you. It's not a wife thing, it's a you thing, and if it is something you don't care for about yourself, perhaps you need to work on changing that in all of your relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'm a MOW having an EA with a MM. I find that I can't necessarily play the role of a 'girlfriend'. MOW, do you find it difficult to avoid nagging at the MM at times? I feel like the 'wife' in me slips out too much. He already has one of those:o What is it that you're actually trying to control? What are you nagging him about? If you are nagging him about time spent together or asking him over and over if he is leaving his wife for you, ask yourself this: How would you feel if he was nagging you over the same stuff that you nag him about? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I don't understand why people want to be in relationships, any relationship, where they can not speak honestly and freely about their feelings- why put energy in to some thing that makes you feel insecure or unhappy? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 If he needs "controlling", what is the attraction? If you have to nag him, he clearly has different priorities to you. Making excuses that he "already has a W" is inadequate. If you were his priority, you'd know it - there would be no need for nagging or controlling. During the A I was never in any doubt that I was my lover's priority, even though he also "already had a W". You seem to choose men - your H and your lover - whose priorities don't align with yours. Either this is deliberate - something about that attracts you, in some way - or you land up alienating men so that your priorities are no longer their priorities.... or you're just a bossy boots in relationships and feel the need to exert control. Whichever way, some introspection might help to uncover why you've formed this pattern, so that you can break out of it if you really want to. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 What do you consider nagging? Examples would help. What I do find is that in "legitimate relationships" complaints and concerns are going to come up and sometimes I think people take any complain or concern as "nagging" but frankly, a lot of times it's a case of if you did what you said you would/know you should then there would be zero need for nagging. But it depends on what you consider nagging and also where you feel comfortable. If MM has a wife who by right if he isn't doing particular things "nags him" and you want to just be the fun, easy going non-nag, even if he is doing things displeasing to you...then you have to decide that. The title of the thread mentions being controlling...I don't see nagging and being controlling as the same...but what do you nag him about or try to control? One thing you can do is: remember you aren't his wife and think of it more as fun and that he is free to do whatever he wants. That can help you to not be controlling. But the problem is that if you are emotionally invested and actually consider him your bf....then that will be more difficult as I do think it is a natural part of things that if you have a relationship where you're invested you will have concerns, complaints and things aren't just about fun. However, if it is more like FWB it is a lot easier to be detached. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 You are not his wife or his mother. You are the ego stroke that he needs to feed. Knock off the nagging or start working on you marriage. In fact, before you do more damage...end it. If you want to destroy your own marriage, be my guest. But don't destroy the marriage of an innocent bystander. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 t/j - I laugh, you can definitely tell what "label" each poster has based on their responses. I agree with some of the others, what exactly are you nagging about? Why do you feel the need to nag? I don't agree that because of your "role" you can nag or not nag. I guess it is bigger picture why do you want to nag anyone? Nagging means you are being ignored and why would you want that? As a OW or a W or a MW or a girlfriend, I do not take kindly to needing to nag. If a situation is warranting that then that means my opinion is being disregarded or I am trying to force someone to do something differently than they are wanting to do. To me, that is an exercise in futility and I change my approach. I do not nag. It is so beneath me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I'm the OW, and as the secondary relationship, I don't see a reason/cause to nag. We run separate lives and households. We support each other, are sounding boards for the other, and give opinions when asked. Maybe its just us, but I don't even have enough time with him to nag. I think nagging is the role of his W, I'm quite happy to be the girlfriend role. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Maybe this is a thread jack but why does ANYONE feel nagging is appropriate/acceptable in any relationship??? People may nag their minor children to do things, having to nag an adult is a dysfunctional element in an adult relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 'Nag' is the male term for when a woman asks him to do something a second time. Don't call me a nag - treat me like the thoroughbred I really am. Link to post Share on other sites
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