Baldur Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 (edited) Hello everyone, Please don't be so quick to judge, I am only human and never expected something like this to happen. Ok. So in 2011 I was dating people and could not find anyone I really liked. I made a big list of every possible thing I wanted in a woman. Next thing you know, I meet her. So we start dating and a few weeks after we had been intimate she tells me she's married. I did not know what to say. I was dumbfounded because she matched my list perfectly. I know I should have ran but did not. It also turns out she had 2 children who were teenagers. She looks 20 but is in her mid 30s. I am 30, not married and don't have children. So we kept seeing each other and she helped me get into graduate school. I met her at a low point in my life and she helped me up greatly. So we have been seeing each other and I moved to another city about 1.5 hours away in 2013. I am in school and have been trying to focus. I live alone and lately I have been depressed and anxious because of school. I finish in may 2015. So, we had a conversation about the future and it got ugly and she said to never ever call her again. This happened about a week ago We had not been getting along too well lately because I am stressed because of school and she's stressed because of her work. We would see each other at least once a week. In my mind, I would finish school and she would divorce and we would marry. I know it all sounds so stupid now that I look at it. I know I should not try to call her back and I should move on because I will affect other people's lives in a negative way. I know that if she did that to her spouse, what would stop her from cheating on me. I know I should not have allowed this to happen in the first place. I should have ran when she first told me she was married but I couldn't. I do love her. She is an amazing person with a huge heart. I could write pages of all the good things about her. I think I am going to try to move on but it all seems so difficult right now. I know there are plenty women out there but last time I tried dating I dated a number of them who I would not have been happy with. I do exercise and try to keep my mind busy but negative thoughts always creep in. I read the no contact guide and I think that is what she's doing to me right now. I tried calling once, texting once, and email once. I should be the one doing NC but it is hard at first. Thanks for reading. Any helpful advice would be great. Edited July 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 (edited) It sounds as though she was future faking but when you got to specifics of what the future would be, she ran. When real life like work and school entered in the fairytale elusive fun affair stuff ended. It got real. That's what marriage is like. The beauty of nc is it gets easier once you accept it and keep practicing it. Im a fan of blocking numbers emails and facebook. It helps eliminate hope of hearing from your ap and helps you not to be tempted to write. Listen, you dont have to see it all as a loss. She was there when you needed to get cleaned up and get your act together. She had a time and season in your life. She needs to now get HER act together. Let her be. You have the hope of a promising career, are childless and single. Its gonna hurt but every day you spend apart, the old and new you will emerge and you will find a single girl who is able to compliment you freely and fully. Dont try to date now. Focus on school, fall out of love and fall in love with yourself and LIFE. It was meant to end. Your gonna go through withdrawal, but just press on. It gets easier and soon enough you will be grateful you let go. Block her and you will be okay, you really will!! Best wishes. Edited July 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baldur Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 Maybe she just had a season in my life like you said. It still hurts though but I walked into this one I guess. I know eventually everything will be ok but I'm in the thick of it right now. Thank you for your non-judgmental advice and I'll just have to become good friends with time and with myself. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) "So, we had a conversation about the future and it got ugly and she said to never ever call her again. This happened about a week ago We had not been getting along too well lately because I am stressed because of school and she's stressed because of her work. We would see each other at least once a week." That's your answer right there and cold hard proof regarding the true nature of your relationship with her. Both of you are under a lot of stress and the last thing a cheating spouse wants on her plate is another source of stress in her life. Don't take this the wrong way, but in her eyes your anxiety and stress is a becoming a burden. She's going through a lot of stress with work and what not, not to mention the weight on her shoulders carrying on an affair. I was seeing a married woman for many years, and I made it work by letting her call the shots and not bothering her with my daily woes. It's hard to do, but common sense told me way back when is that the easiest way to become an ex-lover is to make demands or convey that you are an anxious or stressed out person. WS' are selfish people........they choose how they live their "a la carte" of life's menu. That's why they go for the good stuff. You can make an affair last for a long time as long as long as you forgo trying to "take it to the next level". Edited July 21, 2014 by LoveTKO Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baldur Posted August 2, 2014 Author Share Posted August 2, 2014 So MW contacted me about a week ago and we talked. I told her that I never thought she would ever divorce and that I felt like I was wasting my time. I don't think she will because her kids will get depressed or that's what I think she will say. So when I finish school I would have to be pressuring her to get divorced and she said she does not know what is going to happen. She can't guarantee that she'll get divorced because of children and other issues. So I told her it would be best for us to part ways. She agreed, although not happily about it. I just feel like I will waste my time with her. I am too old to be fooling around and wasting time. I want to start a family. I know this is the best thing to do and I have been doing NC but it is so damn hard. Especially because I live in a city away from family and friends. There is stuff to do here but I am living on student loans so don't have lots of extra cash right now. I have classmates but we are all in different places right now and I don't feel too close to anyone of them. I try to exercise and try to focus on school but negative thoughts always want to creep into my mind. I know I need to love myself and to fix myself for a while. I have so many issues and burdens. Once that is done I'll be fine. I am not going to try to date anyone right now but dealing with this is so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 She's MARRIED! You've had unreasonable expectations from her because she's not leaving her marriage! Just don't ever communicate with her again. You were a willing participant. She used you but you allowed it - stop allowing it. Find an available woman to date... Link to post Share on other sites
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