NC although we have a Son

[Rhema]

Everything has turned into a complete disaster. Just to update you: the wife figured he was having an affair with me. I don’t know how she got my name. And I ended up having to change my phone number. But after stalking me on facebook, she seen that I was pregnant. So she figured there was no way her H was fooling with a pregnant woman. In the meantime, I had gotten fed up with his crap. And he wasn’t even doing for our son forreal. When we were together, he was paying bills, buying stuff, doing housework….but at the end of my pregnancy that all ended. Then on top of that he was promising to take our son to meet his family, but that seemed like some lies he was feeding me. I told him that communication had to be strictly about our son. I laid down ground rules (no calls in the middle of the night, visitation scheduled in advance). He got angry, he was using the time to see his son, as time to try to get back with me. He would sit in my driveway, crying, and begging. I’m trying to make this story short as possible. Once I realized that he was doing all that, but still hadn’t told the W about our child. I called and told her myself. And I went on with my life, concentrating onbettering myself. I even started dating.

 

After a month of that, he calls me one night telling me hehad some money. He knew I needed money, but I’m taking care of his son all by myself. I opened the door and he was crying to talk to me. He said he told her that he can’t work things out with her because he loves me. In the midst of the mess, she pulls up and dumps his stuff, covered in bleach in my yard. She threatens me and my child. Do you know after all that he’s done and the moving on with my peaceful life. I took this man back and allowed him to stay at my house….just to find out that he was discussing going to counseling with her (from ease-dropping). And he would not admit it. This crap came out of nowhere. After I told W about our child months; I apologized and I have NOT been romantically involved w/ him. So this time, after seeing he's still a liar. I put him out and told him that I was filing for Child Support. I also filed a report on her coming onto my property and threatening me and my baby’s life. MM said she had a gun in the car. And I have blocked MM calls. I feel awful that I’m about to keep him from his son. But my family is telling me that because he is not separating his relationship with his son and me; and because of all his lies. That is not possible right now. I don’t know what else to do. Can anyone tell me how to keep myself steady on NC, although we have a child? It hurts everytime I look at my son (that’s sad). I know that I made this decision. But I’m trying to bea better person and minimize the effects it has on my son.

Edited July 17, 2014 by Rhema

[Lovemesomehim]

I'm sorry that a baby has to be mixed up in this mess.

 

There's nothing you can do that would prevent your child from not being affected. Even if you cut contact with his father, somewhere down the line, this mess will surface and your child will be hurt.

 

I wish your child the very best.

[whichwayisup]

Sounds like she dumped his ass, kicked him out and gladly handed him over to you. He didn't leave on his own at all.

 

Anyway, get yourself a lawyer and make a decision if you want him in your baby's life or not.

[jellybean89]

If You are in the USA, you are not legally allowed to deny him visitation with his child unless he has his parental rights revoked. The only way that I am aware of for his parental rights to be revoked would be if there is a man who was willing to adopt him (and of course the bio father has to give up his rights).

 

You definitely should be filing for child support. You can also set up visitation (as a reminder, child support and visitation are two separate issues). You can have a Neutral location set up for visitation. You are legally bound to allow him visitation, but he is not legally required to take visitation.

 

Your fight isn't with his wife. You have NO proof she allegedly had a gun. She was a pissed off wife who just found out her cheating POS husband not only had an affair, but also has a child with his mistress. Wouldn't that piss you off? You are pissed off with him and you knew he was married. Cut the wife some slack..you willingly involved her in your life when you had an affair. Should he and his wife reconcile, she will be the stepmom to your child and possibly be the one overseeing the child's care when the father has visitation.

 

Treat the father as a business associate. Stick to your child's best interests and welfare. No discussion of the affair, no resuming of the affair (at least wait until/if he divorces). Do t get emotional nor involved in his marriage. It can. Be done - divorced parents do it all the time.

 

Keep it cordial and get a written visitation schedule, approved by the court.