Why is he so CRUEL?!?!

[PurpleUnicorn]

Hi All, first time writing here but a long time lurker.

 

So, this is the second time he has pushed me to NC.

 

We met at work, I was his assistant. I hated him at first, but over time we became friends... He confided in me about his bad marriage over little lunch dates and what not. It was a 6 month EA. I got sick of the rollercoaster ride and decided to quit my job.

 

I caught up with him a few weeks after I quit, he cried and tried to kiss me.

 

We continued talking.

 

I moved to a different city

 

We continued talking.

 

I missed him, he missed me, I came back to be with him

at the same time someone close to me in my family died, no support from him, in fact he was being horrible to me telling me not to message him as we are only distant friends. It hurt me so much.

 

I went NC for 8 months. Then he added me on facebook, I accepted.

Then he wrote that he would like to catch up. I agreed.

I saw him again he told me that he really really liked me in a romantic way, and he thinks I'm beautiful etc so we were meant to catch up to turn the EA into a "PA" last week. He wanted too. "Be with me"

 

Then, no suprise-- he started ignoring me again.

 

Then he wanted to catch up again.

 

Now I have finally moved cities again and told him that I missed him, he then called me "demanding" ... He called me and hung up on me several times then had a short distant conversation with me.

I text him afterwards saying it hurts to much as I have feelings for him.

He rang me again and left a voice mail saying "don't worry about it we are just friends and that is all it is, I like talking to you but that's it.

 

So I text back ok no problems.

 

And he replies with "will call you tomorrow"

 

I'm so confused.

 

How is it.... He tells me he likes me, then ignores me then acts like it is ALL one sided??????

 

Am I missing some secret, non spoken OW memo here????????

[Quiet Storm]

He likes you, but only when it's fun and at his convenience. He doesn't want to feel responsible for your feelings. He doesn't want you to get too attached. He enjoys your company on his schedule, but doesn't want you to have any expectations.

 

He is not a good person to get emotionally invested in. You know he's mean, and you know he isn't considerate of your feelings. Be your own best friend- protect your emotions by cutting contact and moving on.

[whichwayisup]

I hate to say this but you're allowing this. You go NC for a long time then continue to let him back in! He will treat you like crap and use you for an ego feed for as long as you allow it.

 

You don't respect yourself so why should he respect you? Sorry if that sounds harsh but GET MAD and end it once and for all. This guy is not someone kind or someone you want in your life. He isn't a real friend.

 

Your first reaction/gut instinct was to hate him when you first met him.

 

I hope you find the strength cut him out of your life. Delete him off of fb too.

[PurpleUnicorn]

Thanks for your replies. I am starting to get mad. He just... has different sides to him. and I hate the side that I am getting from him right now.

 

HOW??? how is it possible for someone to turn ON and OFF their emotions towards someone, so easily?????????

 

HOW is it normal to tell someone to TELL you they "really really like you in a romantic way and want to be with them" - to suddenly a week later - "we are JUST friends" "always have been, and I am "demanding".

 

Is he forgetting that he told me he liked me first?

 

He's making me feel like I'm the delusional one. It's embarrassing. I'm making a fool out of myself.

 

Ugh I'm so over the highs and the lows.

[herself]

He is cruel and its perfect you described him this way.

He only wants you when he cant have you.

When you chase him back, hes not all that interested.

He is a cold hearted jerk to treat you this way.

You moved back to be with him?

Then he is hot/cold/hot/cold?

No way. Time to make a firm stand for you.

Ask for No contact in a breif email.

Before he can respond, block his email and phone.

Be SO mad and done.

[veryhappy]

baggagereclaim.com

 

 

You'll find your answers.

[randomwoman]

Hi All, first time writing here but a long time lurker.

 

So, this is the second time he has pushed me to NC.

 

We met at work, I was his assistant. I hated him at first, but over time we became friends... He confided in me about his bad marriage over little lunch dates and what not. It was a 6 month EA. I got sick of the rollercoaster ride and decided to quit my job.

 

I caught up with him a few weeks after I quit, he cried and tried to kiss me.

 

We continued talking.

 

I moved to a different city

 

We continued talking.

 

I missed him, he missed me, I came back to be with him

at the same time someone close to me in my family died, no support from him, in fact he was being horrible to me telling me not to message him as we are only distant friends. It hurt me so much.

 

I went NC for 8 months. Then he added me on facebook, I accepted.

Then he wrote that he would like to catch up. I agreed.

I saw him again he told me that he really really liked me in a romantic way, and he thinks I'm beautiful etc so we were meant to catch up to turn the EA into a "PA" last week. He wanted too. "Be with me"

 

Then, no suprise-- he started ignoring me again.

 

Then he wanted to catch up again.

 

Now I have finally moved cities again and told him that I missed him, he then called me "demanding" ... He called me and hung up on me several times then had a short distant conversation with me.

I text him afterwards saying it hurts to much as I have feelings for him.

He rang me again and left a voice mail saying "don't worry about it we are just friends and that is all it is, I like talking to you but that's it.

 

So I text back ok no problems.

 

And he replies with "will call you tomorrow"

 

I'm so confused.

 

How is it.... He tells me he likes me, then ignores me then acts like it is ALL one sided??????

 

Am I missing some secret, non spoken OW memo here????????

 

I've been involved with a MM that is this way as well. I feel for you because I know how awful it makes you feel as you're being pushed and pulled in different directions based on how he's feeling that day.

It seems that you may have some sort of issue with abandonment because from what I've read, that is why it hurts us so much and also why we let it play out as we sit feeling powerless.

You do have the power to stop this. As much as I'd like to say it's just because he is a complicated man emotionally speaking, I think these men have issues of their own and get off on the power they have over the emotions of others. I won't say they are complete sociopaths but damn near close to that.

The man I'm involved with also likes to reject me physically after he teases me. This causes me to feel unattractive and unworthy. While some people may say that this is because of his morals, I think that he's just a coward with huge emotional issues of his own. Matches made in hell!

Hang in there. Get to the bottom of what is causing you to put up with this treatment as opposed to analyzing his behavior. This is more easily said than done.

[KaliLove]

Because you allow him to get away with it. By continuing to put up with it and let him back into your life after walking away, you're giving him permission to treat you like garbage so he is.

[Zahara]

Thanks for your replies. I am starting to get mad. He just... has different sides to him. and I hate the side that I am getting from him right now.

 

There's just two sides. The side that is nice and sweet is when he wants you on his terms and his time. The other side is when he has no care for what you want or need, specifically your emotions because it goes against his terms and his needs.

 

HOW??? how is it possible for someone to turn ON and OFF their emotions towards someone, so easily?????????

 

He's not turning his emotions on and off. He's behaving pursuant to what satisfies his needs and wants at that particular moment. He wants sex - he butters you up. He doesn't want to deal with your emotional rants - he's cruel. He wants attention - he calls you. It's not about emotions, it's about what he wants.

 

HOW is it normal to tell someone to TELL you they "really really like you in a romantic way and want to be with them" - to suddenly a week later - "we are JUST friends" "always have been, and I am "demanding".

 

Sometimes people will tell you what you want to hear to get what they want. When it isn't consistent, it isn't real.

 

Is he forgetting that he told me he liked me first?

 

Sometimes people will tell you what you want to hear to get what they want.

 

He's making me feel like I'm the delusional one. It's embarrassing. I'm making a fool out of myself.

 

Unfortunately, you're the one that is allowing this to happen. You have to at some point realize that you're just going in circles.

 

Ugh I'm so over the highs and the lows.

 

Then cease all contact. Move on. And -- HE is not your friend.

Edited July 14, 2014 by Zahara

[wanting more]

You can't be friends with him. And why would you want to?? He's using you and you're letting him. Take a stand. And don't tell him you miss him. This can go on for years if YOU let it.

 

It's not an easy thing to do. But you can do it. Don't let him control your life.