wanting

[Ap05]

So after my last thread made for some interesting reviews, I really am in need of just some advice.

 

Everyone's situation is different and being the om/OW we put up with a lot. Being on the back burner and not 1st and hoping that we won't be in an A forever and that person will be with us.

 

With that being said, I am in therapy for my depression and it is getting the better of me. My A/R isn't the only thing going amuck in my life.

 

But even after she's been served and they are talking and working what they need to out im still super insecure and the only thing I can focus on is when are u going to move out. I feel like you served her and she's agreeing to it then why are you still there. We agreed on July 20th as a deadline. Bc that's 3 months since she was served and I know that she was I've seen paperwork and I know the attorney he is using.

 

I know it's right around the corner but I'm so.obsessed with it, how can I just take a step back ans get my mind off of it bc it is driving me crazy and causing fights and pushing him away. I'm constantly questioning and needing reassurance and i see him pretty much on a daily basis we talk all the time. I just need help to calm my mind.

[Scarlet2]

Distractions help. For me if I start overthinking I'll go exercise, or read or play xbox, or clean my house.

[christine1958]

I know what you're going through. My MM has moved out and begun counseling with his wife. He says he wants counseling to help make up his mind as to if he should stay with his marriage. In the meantime, I spent a very nice couple of days and nights with him this week. The plan is to return next week for a repeat performance.

I don't have any sure fire ways to distract myself. Working helps, cleaning to a lesser degree. Have you had any luck trying to get angry with him about the situation? That's the only thing I haven't tried.

Since you're seeing your MM more, more exposure to him may unearth stuff about him you really don't like. That's what I hope will happen in my case.

Good luck. I'm pulling for you.

[whichwayisup]

So after my last thread made for some interesting reviews, I really am in need of just some advice.

 

Everyone's situation is different and being the om/OW we put up with a lot. Being on the back burner and not 1st and hoping that we won't be in an A forever and that person will be with us.

 

With that being said, I am in therapy for my depression and it is getting the better of me. My A/R isn't the only thing going amuck in my life.

 

But even after she's been served and they are talking and working what they need to out im still super insecure and the only thing I can focus on is when are u going to move out. I feel like you served her and she's agreeing to it then why are you still there. We agreed on July 20th as a deadline. Bc that's 3 months since she was served and I know that she was I've seen paperwork and I know the attorney he is using.

 

I know it's right around the corner but I'm so.obsessed with it, how can I just take a step back ans get my mind off of it bc it is driving me crazy and causing fights and pushing him away. I'm constantly questioning and needing reassurance and i see him pretty much on a daily basis we talk all the time. I just need help to calm my mind.

 

Yup, keep busy. This is completely out of your hands, you have no control over what will or won't happen. It's up to him and his wife - Either he'll follow through, do the divorce and move out or he won't.

 

July 20th isn't that far off.

 

Allow him a bit of breathing space though, pestering him so much isn't good for you or him.

[Ap05]

I know what you're going through. My MM has moved out and begun counseling with his wife. He says he wants counseling to help make up his mind as to if he should stay with his marriage. In the meantime, I spent a very nice couple of days and nights with him this week. The plan is to return next week for a repeat performance.

I don't have any sure fire ways to distract myself. Working helps, cleaning to a lesser degree. Have you had any luck trying to get angry with him about the situation? That's the only thing I haven't tried.

Since you're seeing your MM more, more exposure to him may unearth stuff about him you really don't like. That's what I hope will happen in my case.

Good luck. I'm pulling for you.

 

oh yes the angry approach I wouldn't try lol....it just really stressing me out the therapist is saying to write what I want to to him but not actually say it to him, to just get it out of my head.

I see him and I love him and I just want this waiting period over. Distractions are Def nice but I need more.

I hope it works out for you as well!!! This limbo stuff is for the birds!!

[Ap05]

Yup, keep busy. This is completely out of your hands, you have no control over what will or won't happen. It's up to him and his wife - Either he'll follow through, do the divorce and move out or he won't.

 

July 20th isn't that far off.

 

Allow him a bit of breathing space though, pestering him so much isn't good for you or him.

 

 

I know I need to give him some space but it is just so damn hard and I'm a control freak.....

I'm just trying my hardest but I everyday I'm asking are you sure it's me u want and are u sure and he's so annoyed and im.so.paranopid lol its so close but yet so far. I just need a big distraction

[whichwayisup]

I know I need to give him some space but it is just so damn hard and I'm a control freak.....

I'm just trying my hardest but I everyday I'm asking are you sure it's me u want and are u sure and he's so annoyed and im.so.paranopid lol its so close but yet so far. I just need a big distraction

 

Go visit and spend time with friends and family. Stop making your whole world and focus on just him.

 

If you can't back off, you're going to push him away further. Asking him so many times if he's sure he wants you IS frustrating for him. Either have some faith and trust in him or end this, walk away until he's moved out and been on his own for a while, then 'date' him. Continue on like this, you'll just make yourself feel nuts and (again) push him away.

[Ap05]

Go visit and spend time with friends and family. Stop making your whole world and focus on just him.

 

If you can't back off, you're going to push him away further. Asking him so many times if he's sure he wants you IS frustrating for him. Either have some faith and trust in him or end this, walk away until he's moved out and been on his own for a while, then 'date' him. Continue on like this, you'll just make yourself feel nuts and (again) push him away.

 

I've been trying to make a fee more friends im.still new to this area and I've been here a tad over a year.

Can't really hang out with ppl at work bc I don't want ppl finding out and then I have a handful of friends here but not a lot and my family is in a whole other state so if I had more friends to do things with I don't think it'd be as hard but with working 10-7 my life is kinda hard to meet people

[jellybean89]

So what happens when July 20th (or whatever date it is you have picked) goes by and no changes?

 

I can see why he gets annoyed with you -- I wouldn't want someone constantly asking me "are you sure you want me" and that type of stuff each time I spoke with them.

 

You sound very 'needy' with regards to him - that he needs to assure you constantly, he needs to make you feel better, etc.

 

He either wants to be with you or he doesn't. Bugging him about it all the time isn't going to change things.

 

If you trust him, let him handle his business without your constant badgering. Leave him alone. Build your life - show him you aren't needy; show him you are strong and independent and your life will not end if he chooses to stay with his wife.

[daisydook]

I know I need to give him some space but it is just so damn hard and I'm a control freak.....

I'm just trying my hardest but I everyday I'm asking are you sure it's me u want and are u sure and he's so annoyed and im.so.paranopid lol its so close but yet so far. I just need a big distraction

 

You're being ridiculous. It's like 2 weeks away. It isn't far. It is close. Just stop it. Lol. Flip out when he doesn't leave but for now, just relax.

 

If you keep that up, he will not only divorce her, but he will drop you as well. He can only handle very little of both of you tripping out all the time. He is going through a divorce. He doesn't need a shyt bat crazy OW tripping out on the side.

 

You are ultimately creating what you fear the most. Losing him.

[whichwayisup]

I've been trying to make a fee more friends im.still new to this area and I've been here a tad over a year.

Can't really hang out with ppl at work bc I don't want ppl finding out and then I have a handful of friends here but not a lot and my family is in a whole other state so if I had more friends to do things with I don't think it'd be as hard but with working 10-7 my life is kinda hard to meet people

 

Do you think life is going to be much easier once you two DO get together (that is, if he actually leaves and divorces her)? People will still judge and snicker about how you two got together. There will be gossip. But, if what you two share is that special and strong, then you'll work through it and come out stronger as a couple.

 

Just put yourself out there. Join a gym, work out, or take a course in the evening somewhere. At least you'll be meeting new people. And, make time for the friends you do have.

 

You CAN hang out with people at work! If you don't want them to know about your situation, just don't talk about it with them. Going for a drink or two, or a late dinner with co workers can be fun and conversation doesn't have to go to your personal life.