Criedallout Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) So last night I spoke to MM, he said something that totally set me off and I lost it. I sent text and text and even tried calling him. I was so mad how he was able to brush me off earlier and then in my melt down he just flat out ignored me. Why do they get to us so badly? I never act like that and today I woke up, sent him a goodbye message and blocked everything. I'm so ashamed I've allowed someone with zero control over my life to effect me so badly. Now I know to him I am that crazy girl, I never wanted to be known as that. Edited June 27, 2014 by Criedallout 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Don't be embarrassed. We all do things we wished we hadn't. We're human. It's best to stay NC once you start it. They can't hurt you again without contact. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Your frustration with being limited to his timetable and needs just asserted itself. It sounds healthy to me to feel you've had enough of it. It seems your whole being is telling you this is not good for you. You may have just saved yourself a lot of torture. I'm sure you can do better than wait for the attentions of someone only half there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I'm so ashamed I've allowed someone with zero control over my life to effect me so badly It's because you have allowed yourself to be led by your emotions. You can train the logical part of your mind to babysit the emotional part of your mind. For example, when he was ignoring you, you got angry & reacted to that anger by sending texts that you regret. Your anger was justified, but you can use logic, self talk and distraction to reign yourself in & control your reaction to the anger. I use the term "babysit" because wording it that way really helped to instill this "coping skill" in my kids, but it really is just basic "self talk". It's about recognizing when you are emotional or weak, saying STOP when you feel the need to react, and talking yourself into being strong again. It is an important skill to have, IMO. Don't be embarrassed, we all do things we regret. Ignoring him and not allowing your emotions to drive your behavior will give you your power back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 The question is...what are you going to do different today as a result of your realization? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Criedallout Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 The question is...what are you going to do different today as a result of your realization? I not sure to be honest...I so want the validation of him not ignoring me but I know sooner or later I'll be right back where I am at..in tears. I wish I could forget the last 2 years, I think I've cried more tears over this situation than I ever have over a relationship. It's totally asinine and I know it but like mentioned above I completely let me emotions control my reactions...I may seek a councilor to help me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I not sure to be honest...I so want the validation of him not ignoring me but I know sooner or later I'll be right back where I am at..in tears. I wish I could forget the last 2 years, I think I've cried more tears over this situation than I ever have over a relationship. It's totally asinine and I know it but like mentioned above I completely let me emotions control my reactions...I may seek a councilor to help me. Well...your choices are pretty simple. Continue on in the same cycle...or end it permanently. Not much go between ground in there, really. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Criedallout Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Well...your choices are pretty simple. Continue on in the same cycle...or end it permanently. Not much go between ground in there, really. No you are right...I've blocked all forms of communication. Thank you for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author Criedallout Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 So it has been a month since the last I heard from ExMM, he gave some short answer why he just disappeared. Last week I was really down and sent him an email, he replied with a one word short answer and all the progress I made was gone. Once again I felt that pain of rejection. I promptly decided then and there I was doing myself harm, contacted a therapist and deleted the email account we use to use. I did this to force me to not contact him. It truly is like a drug, that one word gave me a high when I saw his name in my inbox only to have terrible withdrawal later. I am hoping it's over, he had another email address for me and my phone number but I don't think he'll ever try to contact me and it is for the best. I am working now on me...therapy I am hoping will help. I need to get myself straight and then look for a healthy relationship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingHope Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 So it has been a month since the last I heard from ExMM, he gave some short answer why he just disappeared. Last week I was really down and sent him an email, he replied with a one word short answer and all the progress I made was gone. Once again I felt that pain of rejection. I promptly decided then and there I was doing myself harm, contacted a therapist and deleted the email account we use to use. I did this to force me to not contact him. It truly is like a drug, that one word gave me a high when I saw his name in my inbox only to have terrible withdrawal later. I am hoping it's over, he had another email address for me and my phone number but I don't think he'll ever try to contact me and it is for the best. I am working now on me...therapy I am hoping will help. I need to get myself straight and then look for a healthy relationship. I'm so sorry to hear that you are still going thru this, criedallout. However, sometimes we need that final "push" to start to realize it is over and start to move on. I applaud you for getting rid of that app, but I would also block his number and email address. Even though you *think* he won't contact you, he could have a moment where he needs an ego stroke, and hearing from him could open a wound that is in the process of healing. I know that we all hold out some small hope that they will contact, and that is why we don't completely block them from all forms of communication, but it only sets us back when/if they do. and that small but hard to ignore part of you won't always be wondering if it is him when your phone beeps or you see a new email in your inbox. Stay strong--it gets worse before it gets better, but it does get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Pinklotus Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Don't be embarrassed! You have taken steps to remedy your error. Stay strong. Believe me, I'm embarrassed too, for what has gone on with me. But we have to try to do better everyday. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EnderA Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 First, forgive yourself. Then live. Progress in these matters is never linear. Expect setbacks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Criedallout Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 So I made it 4 WHOLE WEEKS! I honestly am super proud, I haven't reached out or checked up on MM in any way, no social media look ups...nothing. Therapy is going ok. I am learning to process my emotions better and to not place my self worth in others hands. I also about 2 weeks ago meet a new guy who seems very interested and available. I told him I am not really ready to full on date but we have met for coffee. The new guy is very sweet but I'm still comparing him internally to MM. Lately I have started to try to compare his positives to MM negatives and it helps some but not enough. I just wanted to give an update as life does move on...one day at a time. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Pinklotus Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 So I made it 4 WHOLE WEEKS! I honestly am super proud, I haven't reached out or checked up on MM in any way, no social media look ups...nothing. Therapy is going ok. I am learning to process my emotions better and to not place my self worth in others hands. I also about 2 weeks ago meet a new guy who seems very interested and available. I told him I am not really ready to full on date but we have met for coffee. The new guy is very sweet but I'm still comparing him internally to MM. Lately I have started to try to compare his positives to MM negatives and it helps some but not enough. I just wanted to give an update as life does move on...one day at a time. Good job!!!! Remember, the date doesn't have to be your one true love. You can just go out and have fun, it's just a date. No doubt he will be a far better companion, even if just for casual dating, that your exMM. Keep it up. You can do this. I know I feel so much better....to the point where I really dislike so many things about my EA guy. Manipulative, cavalier, egotistical. Ugh I am so glad I went NC. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 So I made it 4 WHOLE WEEKS! I honestly am super proud, I haven't reached out or checked up on MM in any way, no social media look ups...nothing. Therapy is going ok. I am learning to process my emotions better and to not place my self worth in others hands. I also about 2 weeks ago meet a new guy who seems very interested and available. I told him I am not really ready to full on date but we have met for coffee. The new guy is very sweet but I'm still comparing him internally to MM. Lately I have started to try to compare his positives to MM negatives and it helps some but not enough. I just wanted to give an update as life does move on...one day at a time. Good for you! You should be proud of yourself. No contact = no new hurts and you are doing the best thing for YOU. Remember that if you start to feel like contacting him...see him for the flawed, dishonest, disrespectful man he is. I think it is very mature of you to not jump right into a new relationship. That shows that you do not define yourself by another person - you don't "need" a man in order to be happy within yourself. Great job! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I not sure to be honest...I so want the validation of him not ignoring me but I know sooner or later I'll be right back where I am at..in tears. I wish I could forget the last 2 years, I think I've cried more tears over this situation than I ever have over a relationship. It's totally asinine and I know it but like mentioned above I completely let me emotions control my reactions...I may seek a councilor to help me. I do know what it's like. I opted out when the pain got too much. Looking back, he was an attractive character, fun and interesting, but he wasn't sufficiently interested and absolutely no-one is worth that kind of pain. Going no contact really helped in that instance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Keep up NC. If you break it you will go back to the beginning and the cycle will start all over again. Been there and done that many times but no more. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
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