Amelia81 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 ...that I need us to only talk about work related things and nothing outside of that. he said he understood and will make sure it happens and he will change. This was by text, was going to speak to him face to face but he forced it out of me by text. Was better that way actually, meant I kept any emotion out of it and kept control. This was last night. So he knew what I was talking about as I didn't have to explain, which makes me think I haven't been making things up in my head, probably read too much into some things but not all. I think he knows exactly what has been going on. We weren't in an affair, so why does this feel like a break up?? It hurts, I didn't expect this to be so hard. I've lost what I thought was a good friend. We grew too close. Today was miserable at work. We do not work on the same floor so I only had to see him once for a meeting but spoke on the phone a number of times. He's kept to his word for day one. Seemed a little moody, but I hope he finds this sh*t too! He's off work all next week now at least. Gives me space to get over it a bit and be stronger for when he returns. I hope. I'm so sad about it all, but I know that's the reason I need to do this. No advice needed really, just sharing to people that might understand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 You did the right thing... Trust me... Untangling after a full fledge A is so tough... Stay strong and post all you want 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelia81 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 Ok so he was back today after his week off. Last week was great to not have the pressure of him being around, reminds me how NC does actually work. Today is really day two of seeing him since I asked for only work related discussions. He kept to it again, I'm finding it so hard though. It just makes me so sad that it has come to this and how have I managed to get myself so emotionally attached to him. He's like the only person in the company I can't talk to, but the only one I want to talk to. I actually miss him and the friendship but it wasn't healthy for me clearly! I guess I just have to stick with it and accept it will take time but its so frustrating. I wish it didn't have to be this way Link to post Share on other sites
EnderA Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Ok so he was back today after his week off. Last week was great to not have the pressure of him being around, reminds me how NC does actually work. Today is really day two of seeing him since I asked for only work related discussions. He kept to it again, I'm finding it so hard though. It just makes me so sad that it has come to this and how have I managed to get myself so emotionally attached to him. He's like the only person in the company I can't talk to, but the only one I want to talk to. I actually miss him and the friendship but it wasn't healthy for me clearly! I guess I just have to stick with it and accept it will take time but its so frustrating. I wish it didn't have to be this way I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but you need another job if you are going to really heal. Being there is only tearing the scab off completely every day. Pretty soon you'll be rationalizing that being "just friends" is a good thing and you will never, ever, move on. Do you want to be perpetually stuck where you are now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelia81 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but you need another job if you are going to really heal. Being there is only tearing the scab off completely every day. Pretty soon you'll be rationalizing that being "just friends" is a good thing and you will never, ever, move on. Do you want to be perpetually stuck where you are now? It's ok as its something I'm aware of, however this is my dream job I moved 150 miles for, and I'd rather endure all this now than change jobs and regret leaving over some stupid man. I'm hoping over time this will just fade, it's just made harder by seeing him most days. Not wanting to leave is the motivation to sticking with this work only contact, as I think if I let the friendship continue it would make the situation even worse over time, or develop into something it shouldn't, and then there really would be no choice but to leave. Having said that at the moment I feel more sad than when I did when we were friends, which is why when I tried this before (without telling him) it was always too hard and I fell back into the friendship. I'm hoping it just has to feel worse before it can feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 I would focus on forming other friendships at work, so you have some people around who you look forward to seeing every day. It sounds like your social life at work has been too centered around this guy (at least in your head). I once had a pretty strong but very unrealistic crush on a coworker that dominated my work days. It ultimately made me miserable. However once that coworker left the job, I started to make other friends in the office and realized I'd been really neglecting that while obsessing over the one coworker. I regretted not putting more time into the other people sooner. In your case, even if your boss isn't going to leave, you can still treat it as if he has. It's like starting anew. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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