clairbear Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I posted here several months ago saying that I had gone NC with MM, unfortunately I wasn't strong enough to stick it and let him talk me back into resuming things. He was close to leaving his wife last week (or at least he said he was) I didn't encourage this because as much as I want to be with him i didn't want to be the reason that he walked away from his step kids. So we both agreed last week that he needs to work on his relationship- he said the guilt was making him unwell. So NC has resumed apart from very minimal contact due to work. It's killing me this time round though, it's only been 9 months that we had been 'together' although we have been friends for much longer. Please someone tell me that this is for the best because right now I can't see it. Can't eat, sleep etc. Why do I feel I have lost something which could have been amazing? I don't know how to get through this Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I posted here several months ago saying that I had gone NC with MM, unfortunately I wasn't strong enough to stick it and let him talk me back into resuming things. He was close to leaving his wife last week (or at least he said he was) I didn't encourage this because as much as I want to be with him i didn't want to be the reason that he walked away from his step kids. So we both agreed last week that he needs to work on his relationship- he said the guilt was making him unwell. So NC has resumed apart from very minimal contact due to work. It's killing me this time round though, it's only been 9 months that we had been 'together' although we have been friends for much longer. Please someone tell me that this is for the best because right now I can't see it. Can't eat, sleep etc. Why do I feel I have lost something which could have been amazing? I don't know how to get through this Sure it could have been amazing, or you could be on the very same end as his wife is. You could be at home, thinking all is wonderful and okay and he's stepping out on you. You don't have a choice but to get through it. Does he pay your bills? Take you to work? Tell you what to eat or where to go? If not, then the power lies with you and he is now someone who you once knew, nothing more or less. Many of us have felt like you, we've heard the words I need to work on my marriage, or I love you so much "but" .... just let him go, cause the bottom line is, you can't have lost something or someone who was never yours to begin with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clairbear Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 Rick you are correct he wasn't mine to start with. I miss him terribly though, I miss my friend and him not being there anymore. I hope in time I can get over it all and wish him every happiness. I suppose the most loving thing I can do for him is to let him go. I've never experienced anxiety like this before though. The thought of being without him makes me feel sick Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Rick you are correct he wasn't mine to start with. I miss him terribly though, I miss my friend and him not being there anymore. I hope in time I can get over it all and wish him every happiness. I suppose the most loving thing I can do for him is to let him go. I've never experienced anxiety like this before though. The thought of being without him makes me feel sick I understand fully. I too mourned the loss of a friend and someone I thought was more, but who wasn't mine either. Not just best for him, but for you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clairbear Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks again Rick I have read bits of your story... intellectually I understand that this is best. Just feels extremely rough right now. Can I ask how long it took for u to start feeling better? Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 You lost nothing more than an "amazing" fantasy. Imagine his W. Her hurdle in marrying him was probably higher than most. I imagine it's very hard to marry when u already have children. The promises he must have made. The vows he took to love and look after her and her children. Don't be part of him hurting his family ( that may have been abandoned by someone already?). It hurts like heck and I hope this 2nd round of NC will be easier now that you know the consequences of breaking it. More pain! The immediate advantage is you are no longer a cheater. In time it frees you up to meet a guy who can be yours in fact, not fantasy. Yes it will get easier and your feelings will fade in time. I would place myself in the slow- to- get- over- it group and after 3 mos I felt so much better. At 8 mos NC now I can say I think about him several times a day but not 24x7. I also don't long for him even when I do think of him. It's more of a cringe. Better days lie ahead, clairbear!! Best of luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clairbear Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Thank you sunburned your reply was really helpful. These are all things I already 'know' but need to accept. I need to keep his wife and kids at the forefront of my mind and make sure I no longer participate in hurting them. I have a strong feeling he will be back at some point so I need to build my strength 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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