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physical affair vs emotional affair vs both?


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Old 24th July 2012, 9:19 PM   #1
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physical affair vs emotional affair vs both?

I'm curious as to how many affairs are purely physical vs purely emotional vs physical and emotional?

What about those that post in here?

My affair was both, but started emotional then became physical after 5 1/2 months.

For those that had both, when did you actually become physical? Did that make it harder to start nc and leave (when it was both physical and emotional)?
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Old 24th July 2012, 9:50 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stoneman70 View Post
I'm curious as to how many affairs are purely physical vs purely emotional vs physical and emotional?

What about those that post in here?

My affair was both, but started emotional then became physical after 5 1/2 months.

For those that had both, when did you actually become physical? Did that make it harder to start nc and leave (when it was both physical and emotional)?
Before answering, I would want to know what arouses your curiosity?
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Old 25th July 2012, 1:50 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stoneman70 View Post
I'm curious as to how many affairs are purely physical vs purely emotional vs physical and emotional?

What about those that post in here?

My affair was both, but started emotional then became physical after 5 1/2 months.

For those that had both, when did you actually become physical? Did that make it harder to start nc and leave (when it was both physical and emotional)?
I was involved with a committed guy once and it was purely physical. I met him, we were attracted to each other, exchanged info, we had a very flirty communication style and physical chemistry, he admitted to being in a long distance relationship and at the time I didn't care. I liked the banter and flirting and initially we'd only flirt, then I got more curious and so did he, then we went out a couple times and then it became physical. I was not interested in dating him, he was not the type of guy I could seriously develop feelings for. His personality, world views etc weren't in sync with mine so there was no emotional attachment...but we had physical chemistry. So it was only about sex. We got together when we were both "in the mood" and it was casual. There was nothing to leave. I had my life, he had his, we met up sometimes and hung out, but sex was always the unstated goal. We didn't text a lot and say sweet stuff to each other or pretend to be bf and gf. It was truly NSA and casual. Sometimes I wouldn't talk to him for months and it was very on and off and as the wind blew type of thing, and things just died out on their own without any drama, heartache or conscious effort to get over it.

My actual affair...I call it actual because in this case I was emotionally and physically involved and I was inlove with him and vice-versa and it was conducted for all intents and purposes as a "real relationship". We met, exchanged info, I kind of forgot about him and then months later we reconnected. It started as emotional and remained purely emotional for a little over a year because it was long distance. It then graduated to physical. I don't think adding the physical made it harder to leave necessarily. It was the emotional attachment that made it hard, as in the former case with the other guy, I slept with him way more than I did my exAP, because we lived in the same city, but I was not attached to him at all. I will say though that each time my exAP and I got together in the physical I'd want to be with him more and more for myself, without sharing, everyday. Initially when it was only emotional and long distance, I think part of me felt like it wasn't 100% real, but when I got the chance to spend time with him in the flesh, together, behaving like a real out in the open couple, it made me craaaaave it more and each time I'd have a harder time letting him go back home. After each visit I'd be even more frustrated with the fact that it was an A. On one hand we'd bond more or "consummate" our emotional relationship through sex and being together, but on the other, it brought me great dissatisfaction. But yea it was still as a result of the emotional connection why all of that was hard and not just because of sex.

Last edited by MissBee; 25th July 2012 at 1:58 AM..
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Old 25th July 2012, 8:54 AM   #4
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Mine was an EA, but I do not think that making it a PA would have made it any more intense. It was... intense.

I think that if emotions run deep--no matter whether your affair is EA, PA or EA&PA--starting and maintaining NC is always extremely difficult. It's probably easiest for people whose As are strictly PA (no love), but that's just a guess.

Any time emotions come into the picture, especially when it's love or what we believe to be love, there is a huge sense of loss when the A ends. Some people liken it to the death of a loved one. And I think, in many ways, that's true. We grieve, and we grieve deeply.

After my mom died, I would have given anything--ANYTHING--to talk to her one more time. To tell her once more that I loved her. To say how much she meant to me one last time.

I think it's common to feel that same way after starting NC with someone who still holds a place in our heart. And, in some ways, NC is harder. Because you CAN reach out. You CAN make contact. It's not like the person is dead and totally unavailable.

Someone here (forget who, sorry) told me to think of xMM as "dead to me." I think that is excellent advice.

So I don't know if that really answers your questions. But I guess I'm just trying to say that going NC is always hard when you love. That doesn't mean it isn't the best or right thing to do. It just means that it's going to be very, very hard.
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Old 25th July 2012, 9:01 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stoneman70 View Post
I'm curious as to how many affairs are purely physical vs purely emotional vs physical and emotional?

What about those that post in here?

My affair was both, but started emotional then became physical after 5 1/2 months.

For those that had both, when did you actually become physical? Did that make it harder to start nc and leave (when it was both physical and emotional)?
It was both pretty much from the beginning. It became physical almost right away in regards to when we started kissing. It wasn't fully consummated for a number of weeks.
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Old 25th July 2012, 12:13 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stoneman70 View Post
I'm curious as to how many affairs are purely physical vs purely emotional vs physical and emotional?

What about those that post in here?

My affair was both, but started emotional then became physical after 5 1/2 months.

For those that had both, when did you actually become physical? Did that make it harder to start nc and leave (when it was both physical and emotional)?
It started out physical, the emotional stuff came later.

There was no NC.
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Old 25th July 2012, 2:15 PM   #7
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I had a strictly physical affair that I ended with very little emotional pain.

The affair that brought me here, the affair that keeps me up at night was extremely emotional, full of love, respect, admiration, fantasies of being together, as well as physical attraction.
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Old 28th July 2012, 8:27 AM   #8
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I hope I understand your question. I believe an emotional affair is far more involved than a strictly sexual based affair. Emotion=feelings and once feeling are involved then the whole thing will become much harder to deal with for sure. As most people are able to just relate sex to the act of sex, doesn't necessarily bring forth the emtions.
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