OWoman Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 When I was a recurrent OW, my biggest fear was always that the MM would leave the M, and my biggest hope was that he would be satisfied with what he got and not want more. From reading LS, it seems that many OWs (and OMs) biggest fear is that the MP doesn't leave the M, and their biggest hope is that they end up together. Many WSs, it would seem, hope that they can exit one or both of their Rs without causing either partner any pain, and their biggest fear is that they get bust and land up with neither partner. And, obviously, there are many other possibilities too. So... what is your biggest fear, and biggest hope, about the A? (Anyone can play - past or present, any role in the "triangle of doom") Link to post Share on other sites
blissfullyoblivious Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Hope: That he'll miss me when I'm gone. Fear: That he turns up on my door step, bag in hand, expecting me to want him. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 When I was a recurrent OW, my biggest fear was always that the MM would leave the M, and my biggest hope was that he would be satisfied with what he got and not want more. From reading LS, it seems that many OWs (and OMs) biggest fear is that the MP doesn't leave the M, and their biggest hope is that they end up together. Many WSs, it would seem, hope that they can exit one or both of their Rs without causing either partner any pain, and their biggest fear is that they get bust and land up with neither partner. And, obviously, there are many other possibilities too. So... what is your biggest fear, and biggest hope, about the A? (Anyone can play - past or present, any role in the "triangle of doom") I want to play too! So, going back a few months, my greatest hope was that they would split up 'amicably', and that he and I would have the opportunity to explore the potential - the amazing potential - we both believed we had ahead of us. My greatest fear was that he and I would end and he and his wife would spend 40 more years 'managing' and 'tolerating' and dancing round one another. I knew I could find happiness in the future, but they never would. Not in my view, not together. I found that to be the most tragic possibility. Now... my greatest hope is that the job situations we are negotiating are resolved and we can go ahead with our longer term family plans. My worst fear is that my loved one suffers as many years of guilt as I suffered after ending my marriage. Guilt isn't rational. We both felt crappy about doing what was undoubtedly the right thing. Interesting thread, OWoman. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hope that I could trust again...this Affair has changed me as a person. I find myself more guarded and untrusting of people. My biggest fear is that I keep my guard up and not allow anyone else to touch my heart. I'm really guarded as I was the whole time I was with my xW. I don't think I can go through the pain of it all again. Link to post Share on other sites
mizliz Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hope that I could trust again...this Affair has changed me as a person. I find myself more guarded and untrusting of people. My biggest fear is that I keep my guard up and not allow anyone else to touch my heart. I'm really guarded as I was the whole time I was with my xW. I don't think I can go through the pain of it all again. I want to reach through the computer screen and hug you. I am not familiar with your story, but this made me sad. Affairs DO change you as a person -absolutely. But, they offer us an opportunity to grow in self-respect and personal awareness. We really have no choice as human beings but to move forward in our understanding and knowledge, especially when the lessons we learn involve deep pain and heartbreak. I don't mean this to diminish your pain at all - to the bolded, please don't do this. If you close off your heart, you risk more than heartbreak - you risk your soul. Don't do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 My biggest fear in the A was the thought of one of us dying or getting into a serious accident and how the other would cope alone, without having a soul to grieve with. Link to post Share on other sites
daisy love Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 My biggest hope is that he hurries up. My biggest fear is that she makes a big stink about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Finally Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 My biggest hope is that the mOW wants to leave her husband and we both can run off together. My biggest fear is that my biggest hope comes true (because then both or our marriages are completely ruined......) Link to post Share on other sites
Amour7 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 A month ago, I would have said my biggest hope would be for MM and I to be together exclusively, with no more secrets and to be able to spend as much time together as possible, maintaining the emotional intimacy and sexual chemistry that we had in the affair. Our love would never extinguish and we would happily grow old together. Now, thanks to some brilliant insights others shared with me on another thread, I now hope I can love myself as much as I have loved my MM. My biggest fear is that I will be alone and never again experience the love I have shared with MM- with him, with another, or within myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Rose1977 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Biggest Fear is not so much him cheating again, but rather feeling the way I felt again after Dday. I don't know if I could handle it again. Biggest Hope is that we will continue to move forward and continue working on our relationship and hopefully fulfill both of our dreams of marriage and (more) children Link to post Share on other sites
Grace2010 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 My biggest hope was that we could be together. Have a relationship out in the open, show our children what a functional, respectful, loving relationship looks like. My biggest fear was that we would be found out, our shameful secret blasted on social media and put out there for all the world to see and judge. Both have come true, one couldn't have happened without the other also taking place. We survived the worst, are getting through it together, and now my biggest hope is that all we are enduring now continues to be worth the life we have together. So far, it has been. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 So... what is your biggest fear, and biggest hope, about the A? My biggest hope was that he and I would always feel the same way about each other. (Didn't happen.) My biggest fear ... well, I don't recall being fearful at all. Until it turned into a nightmare. Not my worst nightmare, just ... twisted and sad, like it withered & died and ended up being so meaningless, for something that caused me SO MUCH pain over such a long period of time. I was so wrong about so many things. Many WSs, it would seem, hope that they can exit one or both of their Rs without causing either partner any pain, and their biggest fear is that they get bust and land up with neither partner. I disagree about their fondest hopes - in most cases the male WS (from what I've observed) wants it EXACTLY the way it is - he's got both women working hard to take care of ALL his needs, and he's adept at compartmentalizing it all. I agree about his biggest fear, though - losing it all. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 When I was a recurrent OW, my biggest fear was always that the MM would leave the M, and my biggest hope was that he would be satisfied with what he got and not want more. From reading LS, it seems that many OWs (and OMs) biggest fear is that the MP doesn't leave the M, and their biggest hope is that they end up together. Many WSs, it would seem, hope that they can exit one or both of their Rs without causing either partner any pain, and their biggest fear is that they get bust and land up with neither partner. And, obviously, there are many other possibilities too. So... what is your biggest fear, and biggest hope, about the A? (Anyone can play - past or present, any role in the "triangle of doom") Like you, my biggest fear when I was still in the affair was that MM would end his marriage and DEMAND that I end mine. I wanted to keep the status quo, naively. Of course, my fear came to pass and we are not both divorced from our spouses and are together. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 My biggest hope is for world peace. My biggest fear is nuclear armageddon. Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 My biggest fear is that I will never be able to trust anyone again in an intimate relationship. My biggest hope is that I heal completely, with no scars. Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 My biggest hope (except for a shoe closet) is that my lovely H will forgive himself, also that I can learn how to help him to do that. My biggest fear is (having to think hard) that we ever forget how important the small things are, the little bunch of flowers, the back rubs, and the impromptu ILY's. Link to post Share on other sites
mzdolphin Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 My biggest hope (except for a shoe closet) is that my lovely H will forgive himself, also that I can learn how to help him to do that. My biggest fear is (having to think hard) that we ever forget how important the small things are, the little bunch of flowers, the back rubs, and the impromptu ILY's. Hope your biggest hope comes true. Because the MM I dumped, even after having to tell his wife and kids (adults) and after talking about how tough that was. Continues to pursue me in spite of admitting that he does NOT have a bad marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Hope your biggest hope comes true. Because the MM I dumped, even after having to tell his wife and kids (adults) and after talking about how tough that was. Continues to pursue me in spite of admitting that he does NOT have a bad marriage. all you have to do is shut him down and it ends. Do you welcome his pursuit? Link to post Share on other sites
mzdolphin Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 all you have to do is shut him down and it ends. Do you welcome his pursuit? -------------------------------------------------------- I don't welcome the pursuit. He calls every few months, especially if he will be in the area (lives in another state). I never agree to see him. Doesn't stop him from trying. He begs. Yes, I find it a little flattering. Doesn't bug me. Feel no need to shut him down, other than not responding to illicit emails. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 My biggest hope is that he loves me as much as he says he does. My biggest fear is he will divorce, and everything with us would be a nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 My hopes are the opposite of my fears. They are that all the people I know and love, strike that, just know, have peace and happinness. Link to post Share on other sites
seeker2010 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 My biggest hope is that he has learned that nobody rides for free and that doing the dishonorable thing (lying and cheating) is not the way to end a relationship that began in love (our marriage). My biggest fear is that he hasn't and rather than deal with things openly and honestly, he will cheat again. Then I will lose all respect for him. That would be really sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 My biggest hope is that he has learned that nobody rides for free and that doing the dishonorable thing (lying and cheating) is not the way to end a relationship that began in love (our marriage). My biggest fear is that he hasn't and rather than deal with things openly and honestly, he will cheat again. Then I will lose all respect for him. That would be really sad. Well said...AMEN to this!!! This would apply to my xMW. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts