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Divorce debt sent him back to his wife after 3 years


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BambooSticks

My story is a long one, and I will try to keep it short. I just need a place to get it out, and get some positive feedback in return. My ex-fiance (if I can call him considering he wasn't yet legally divorced) has just gone back to his marital home after 3 years of trying for divorce and accumulating major debt which overwhelmed him.

 

I'm so unbelievably lost by all this. We met 7 years ago online. Even then, everybody knew how unhappy he was in his then 13 year marriage. He felt he had married her too young and way too quickly, and within a few short years knew she wasn't his "One". He vowed that once his children had grown he would get out of the marriage (they are now approx 20 and 18).

 

He and I instantly felt something, and remained on/off online friends for the next few years (he didn't want to burden me down with his baggage). After years of avoiding what we'd known in our hearts from the start, we confessed our feelings. End Dec-2007 we finally meet and it was perfect. End Jan-2008 he moves out of marital home, and commences with divorce.

 

That was 3 years ago. Since then it's been an upward battle trying to get to togetherness. Being a LDR, we would only see each other every few months and do the usual online communication which declined as his workload became increasingly overwhelming for him with this huge debt he was now accruing. He had to cover bills for his household, his x-marital household plus mortgage, children's bills, car, bike, his mothers medicals bills, while dealing with a lazy non-communicative lawyer, and hearing my "when is it going to happen?" etc.

 

All the while, the BW just would not sign the final papers wanting him to hand over the house, and claiming she had changed, realised what she had lost, and kept wanting him to return.

 

At this point in his life, he is utterly soul destroyed. Piles of debt, health issues, mother's health issues, working almost everyday for almost a year, his children don't want to know him because he left their mother, work and finances on his back, no feed to eat, nil electicity, and so on. He just can't see a way out.

 

The last week has been particularly tumultous for him, and he caved in. He wrote me last night saying to leave him alone, he was utterly sorry, and filled with self-hated with what he has to do next which is to drop the divorce because he can no longer afford it, and after much persuasion from his BW and children, to move back in the family home.

 

2 years ago, this man, asked me to marry him, ask my parents for their approval to have my hand in marriage. I'm in my mid 30's and not interested in someone new. He was my One. My happiness is over. How could he do this to me, I'm so absolutely devastated. Wasn't there something he could have done to see us through? I had never felt like the Other Woman until today.

 

He said today that she hasn't changed. That "mocking" in her voice is still with her, and he loathes what he has to do, plus how he has hurt me. Though he tells me he loathes, I can't help but wonder if they've had a reconciliation as it all blew up finally where all their thoughts came out in an argument last week.

 

Anyhow, thanks for reading me. Been crying non stop this last 15 hours. I just can't believe it.

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Wow, your story is almost exactly like my story. My break up happened in Sept and I'm still working on my recovery. When it first happened, the heartbreak was so bad I felt it burning through my body as physical pain.

I lost 12 lbs, which may be one of the benefits of this break up.

 

My ex had been separated for 3 years as well. His "kids" were 20 and 16.

His wife quit her job as soon as she found out he was planning to marry me after their divorce and she made him feel guilty that his kids would be losing the house they grew up in because of their divorce. Originally, she was the one who initiated the divorce.

 

He pretty much gave me the same sob story your ex gave you. He cried, saying how much he loved me but he felt like he had to keep his 16 year old in the same house she grew up in until she graduated high school.

 

He also said that his wife was wanting him back now, and he knew it was just for financial reasons, but he still felt an obligation to her.

 

I know she just wants him back for the money, but regardless of why she wants him back, she's still his wife and I don't want to spend the rest of my life fighting a wife for a man. If I'd chosen to put up a fight over what was happening, I'd spend the rest of my life fighting to keep him and she'd have the trump card because she's the wife and the mother of his kids.

 

I'm still hurting and part of me wishes I'd fought hard to keep him, but deep down I know that the time isn't right for us to be together.

I know it won't work out with the two of them and a year or less from now, he'll be out of the house, but until I can have him in a healthy way, I'm going to stay clear of the situation and let fate work it out.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. My pain has subsided a little after 4 months, but it's still there. They say time is the best healer. Good luck and blessings to you!

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BambooSticks

Thank you for your response. It's so utterly devastating and I'm sorry to hear you have gone through the same thing. I thought after all this time, the divorce had to be near. How it ended up this way, I have no idea. I feel so betrayed by him. I lived every moment for the last 7 years just for him, lived and breathed him. He had said just this October that he would always walk toward me, and 2 months later, he's dropped the divorce.

 

Being a LDR, I just couldn't up and leave my location due to visa constraints, however I so much wished too. Then we could have comforted each other more and seen each other through it over the years, or I could have moved in to help with the financial strains he had.

 

It just devastates me so much. I dropped everything for him, friends, opportunities, lived completely for my moments with him. I do believe he loved me just the same, and if he had the finances he wouldn't have gone back to the marital home. But at the same time, I imagine the pressure from her and the children just got to him at his weakest moment. Now he's gone back to the hell he had before I met him. What a waste of 7 years for me, and him. All that effort and hard work he put in to making a change for his happiness down the drain. Or so he says. He had said when I saw him last in October that if she'd had treated him better, he wouldn't have left (was news to me). I wish them well and hope she does as she has said, though he claims he hates her, and hasn't changed. I don't believe him completely. A part of me feels he's giving her a second chance and that is utter betrayal to me. My dearest and only friend tore me to shreds.

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That was 3 years ago. Since then it's been an upward battle trying to get to togetherness. Being a LDR, we would only see each other every few months and do the usual online communication which declined as his workload became increasingly overwhelming for him with this huge debt he was now accruing. He had to cover bills for his household, his x-marital household plus mortgage, children's bills, car, bike, his mothers medicals bills, while dealing with a lazy non-communicative lawyer, and hearing my "when is it going to happen?" etc.

 

And you have verified this right? I mean, you have seen his pay stubs and seen the bills right?

 

Why can't his kids support themselves now? Why can't he sell the car or bike?

 

And how didn't his lawyer get a more equitable decree? Most courts have standing orders when it comes to D and typically the party staying in the marital home is still jointly responsible for half. How did he "get" all these bills and the W owes nothing?

 

Heard too many stories here to swallow this - it sounds like a grossly unfair settlement.

 

All the while, the BW just would not sign the final papers wanting him to hand over the house, and claiming she had changed, realised what she had lost, and kept wanting him to return.

 

This makes even less sense. No one can force anyone to remain married. And she refused to "take the house" which I presume means he still "had" to pay it. Which, per my above, sounds pretty far fetched unless his lawyer was named Ima Moron.

 

I mean, you did look online to see his divorce case on the county clerk's website right? No doubt he actually filed right? I mean...you have seen proof right?

 

At this point in his life, he is utterly soul destroyed. Piles of debt, health issues, mother's health issues, working almost everyday for almost a year, his children don't want to know him because he left their mother, work and finances on his back, no feed to eat, nil electicity, and so on. He just can't see a way out.

 

I hope its true...but my bullshyte radar is going off (on his story).

 

The last week has been particularly tumultous for him, and he caved in. He wrote me last night saying to leave him alone, he was utterly sorry, and filled with self-hated with what he has to do next which is to drop the divorce because he can no longer afford it, and after much persuasion from his BW and children, to move back in the family home.

 

And that eases his money pressures how?

His expenses remain essentially unchanged, his income the same (?) yet now its financially better that he was persuaded to go back home? Not buying that either.

 

2 years ago, this man, asked me to marry him, ask my parents for their approval to have my hand in marriage. I'm in my mid 30's and not interested in someone new. He was my One. My happiness is over. How could he do this to me, I'm so absolutely devastated. Wasn't there something he could have done to see us through? I had never felt like the Other Woman until today.

 

I cant say this nicely and I do NOT mean it as an attack...but you always were imo. The reasons he gives for going back make no sense to me.

 

He said today that she hasn't changed. That "mocking" in her voice is still with her, and he loathes what he has to do, plus how he has hurt me. Though he tells me he loathes, I can't help but wonder if they've had a reconciliation as it all blew up finally where all their thoughts came out in an argument last week.

 

Bullshyte. Plain and simple. The more I read the more convinced I am. Her actions make no sense. HIS actions make no sense given what is posted. I conclude the truth is different from what you say (or have been told I mean).

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Thank you for your response. It's so utterly devastating and I'm sorry to hear you have gone through the same thing. I thought after all this time, the divorce had to be near. How it ended up this way, I have no idea. I feel so betrayed by him. I lived every moment for the last 7 years just for him, lived and breathed him. He had said just this October that he would always walk toward me, and 2 months later, he's dropped the divorce.

 

Being a LDR, I just couldn't up and leave my location due to visa constraints, however I so much wished too. Then we could have comforted each other more and seen each other through it over the years, or I could have moved in to help with the financial strains he had.

 

It just devastates me so much. I dropped everything for him, friends, opportunities, lived completely for my moments with him. I do believe he loved me just the same, and if he had the finances he wouldn't have gone back to the marital home. But at the same time, I imagine the pressure from her and the children just got to him at his weakest moment. Now he's gone back to the hell he had before I met him. What a waste of 7 years for me, and him. All that effort and hard work he put in to making a change for his happiness down the drain. Or so he says. He had said when I saw him last in October that if she'd had treated him better, he wouldn't have left (was news to me). I wish them well and hope she does as she has said, though he claims he hates her, and hasn't changed. I don't believe him completely. A part of me feels he's giving her a second chance and that is utter betrayal to me. My dearest and only friend tore me to shreds.

 

Well crap...I feel like an utter cad now.

Please just disregard my first post to you - it was terribly inconsiderate of me to ignore your current state.

 

Look, I have little to offer in terms of comfort...no one can offer that for you now - it simply doesn't exist in your world.

 

So cry.

Get it out. Like some cancer. Get. It. Out.

 

All the emotions are normal and part of the healing process. You are not unworthy or bad or tainted or any thing like that so don't think it .

 

Now, call your friends and family. Circle them around you. Those friends you have drifted from...reconnect. Open up to them. Get THEIR aid. Enlist your family. Your support group...the ones who can hold you.

 

Right now...just survive. Eat. Drink. Breathe. Sleep.

 

I promise nothing but this: you WILL be happy and you WILL love again.

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Bamboo, I totally, completely relate to what you are feeling. I assumed that 2 people who had been separated, not living together for 3 years, would be for sure getting that divorce. It's not like he was living with his wife and promising me he'd leave her. He'd already left. I thought it was safe to assume that a man separated 3 years, would get divorced since lots of separated people do get divorced. Thats why the divorce rate is so high, because people do get divorced.

 

As in your case, my ex's kids are too old to be used as an excuse to go back, yet he is saying he needs to take care of them.

 

His wife refuses to work, even though he put her through college. He kept telling me that he had to send her the amt of money he was sending her and he was desperately broke. When I reminded him it was (then) 2010, not 1950 and that women can hold jobs now, he would get mad. He also got mad when I said that even lawyers draw a line with alimony these days and that even a lawyer would suggest she work and that he didn't have to give her all that money.

 

He was actually borrowing money from me as he could not take care of himself once he'd given her 80% of his pay check. He'd never consider giving her less, but would borrow from me. He paid me back, but still..

 

I'm sure there are things that both of our exes are hiding from us. After hearing your story, which is so similar to mine, it makes me realize this. We'll never get the answers we need. All we can do is let time heal us and try to help each other in the mean time.

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First of all, I am sorry you're going through this. I can imagine how you must feel and how difficult this is for you.

 

After that... I don't know Bamboo... it's difficult to say with just the information I have. I hate to make judgments based on guesses. I think if a person wants something bad enough, they find a way to make it work.

 

With him moving out - he knew from the very beginning what the financial burden would be. It may or may not be that with him working more, he was making more money. Maybe it was just poor planning on his part, maybe he didn't think it through, maybe he bit off more than he could chew. Not sure. If the option existed, he may have done better to move in with someone else - a friend or relative - until the divorce went through.

 

His lawyer... if he wasn't getting the job done, your Fiance should have fired him and found another lawyer.

 

I don't know Bamboo... either I'm missing something, this guy is lousy with money and planning, or he's not quite telling you the truth. That's the way it looks from here.

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BambooSticks

Hi Jwi71, and thanks for your response. I appreciate your consideration to my feelings but will answer what you have queried also, so I can get my head around it, also.

 

RE BILLS:

And you have verified this right? I mean, you have seen his pay stubs and seen the bills right?

- Haven't seen the bills but he is an honorable man in that regard and would tell me the truth on it.

 

RE KIDS:

Why can't his kids support themselves now? Why can't he sell the car or bike?

- He sold the bike but needs the car to get around in, travels long distance to see mother, also.

- He offered one kid to move in with him as rent has been hiked up, and was told "no". The other is going away and didn't want to know his Dad.

 

RE EQUITABLE DECREE:

And how didn't his lawyer get a more equitable decree? Most courts have standing orders when it comes to D and typically the party staying in the marital home is still jointly responsible for half. How did he "get" all these bills and the W owes nothing?

- Yes, she was still paying her share, but the accumulation of his bills was too much for him to bare. Some things were in his name also that she was meant to pay off but didn't, leaving him with poor credit rating.

 

FORCED TO REMAIN MARRIED:

This makes even less sense. No one can force anyone to remain married. And she refused to "take the house" which I presume means he still "had" to pay it. Which, per my above, sounds pretty far fetched unless his lawyer was named Ima Moron.

- She is contesting the divorce and this is (or was) prolonging it.

- No, she wanted the house. He wanted to split it fairly.

- Yes, he and she both still paying the mortgage.

 

PROOF OF DIVORCE APPLICATION:

you did look online to see his divorce case on the county clerk's website right? No doubt he actually filed right? I mean...you have seen proof right?

- I have seen the actual documentation but not the country clerk's website which I didn't know about but may as well see if it's there.

 

bullshyte radar is going off (on his story):

Same, part of me does too. I can truly understand the life stresses he was under, saw it with my own eyes. As for the reconciliation, whether they discussed trying again... though he claims to hate her with a passion, I'm suspect.

 

His expenses remain essentially unchanged, his income the same (?) yet now its financially better that he was persuaded to go back home? Not buying that either.

- his lost 1 of his 2 jobs and by moving back to the marital home, he won't have to pay the rent to the home he stayed which was just to be increased in January, plus there'll be food on the table, and rather than help in bills to both households he'll now share only one households bills.

 

The reasons he gives for going back make no sense to me.

- Me also, I can only justify the financial portion being hard for him, being highly stressed and thinking dropping everything and heading home would bring some level of peace (though he tells me he's returning to life in hell)

 

the truth is different from what you say (or have been told I mean).

- I am beginning to concur the more time passes, also.

 

Thanks for allowing me to look further into this.

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BambooSticks
I think if a person wants something bad enough, they find a way to make it work.

 

With him moving out - he knew from the very beginning what the financial burden would be. Maybe it was just poor planning on his part, maybe he didn't think it through, maybe he bit off more than he could chew. Not sure. If the option existed, he may have done better to move in with someone else - a friend or relative - until the divorce went through.

 

His lawyer... if he wasn't getting the job done, your Fiance should have fired him and found another lawyer.

 

I don't know Bamboo... either I'm missing something, this guy is lousy with money and planning, or he's not quite telling you the truth. That's the way it looks from here.

 

I agree with everything you've said. Poor planning, move in with someone else... He fired the first lawyer two weeks ago, and tried for another, but when they gave him their fees, he just about crumpled and burst into tears at the price. He then considered his debts and losses, and decided, ultimately, after trying and trying and getting no where with the case, it would be better to return home and just drop the whole case. I'm waiting for him to tell me straight that they're giving it another chance, but being that he's heading back there, I may as well consider, even though he says he hates her and the thought of making love to her sickens him and her suggestions of changing her ways hasn't happened, that it's a yes.

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2themoon&back

BambooSticks

 

just FYI, in my state you must have a divorce before a property settlement can be done and a divorce cost about 700 and it sounds like if he has been out for 3years he has been separated long enough for any waiting period before filing.

 

Your experience is heartbreaking to me ... really!

 

But at the end of the day ... and with it all here in black and white....

 

he is doing what he wants to do ... freewill and all and that to me is the most perplexing part about it ... as they say forget his words and look at his actions ... they speak volumes !!

 

And if he hates her as much as he says maybe she needs to be concerned for her safety. When you are backed into a corner you never know what a person is capable of?

 

I don't know if you and he are still communicating or not, but for the sake of your own heart maybe NC would be good for now, the idea of my xMM telling me such things like "it sickens him to think about making love to his wife" is not normal conversation and not good for your psyche IMO, it feeds the hurt you are feeling in a very unhealthy way and not a seed that needs to be planted. It almost sounds cruel.

 

I hate this for you I do …. ((((hugs))))

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BambooSticks, I'm so so sorry for what you're going through. It must feel like your whole life and future has crumbled around you and you've lost all your hopes, and it's all so raw and shocking right now.

 

You don't even know what to believe any more.

 

I understand why you never felt like OW until now. He didn't live with the W and did everything to make you believe he was serious. I mean if a man goes and asks your parents about your hand in marriage, one can hardly get more serious than that.

 

All the more shocking that he couldn't see it through.

 

I have to say that I greatly admire you and I think you're incredibly strong the way you're coping with it. Your posts are so balanced and calm - not many people would be able to remain that way.

 

How has he left it with you? You don't seem to know what to expect. Are you still in contact? What does he say about the future?

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Confused4Now
It all goes back to that old saying...."It's cheaper to keep her."
hahahaha isn't that the truth!!! I have to say I lost a grip load of assets and money....I'm in debt, but you know what? I'm so happy where I am in my life right now and no money can replace that for me now.

 

Yeah I will climb out of debt eventually. I have so much to be thankful for too!!!

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Confused4Now
I mean if a man goes and asks your parents about your hand in marriage, one can hardly get more serious than that.

Which is why it's always said on these forums...it ain't over till it's over. Best have those papers in hand before you even think about anything serious in the future.

 

All I can say this story really saddens me and I hope everyone reads it...cause it coulda happened to any of us. Please maintain your boundaries and guard your heart if your AP is getting out of a situation.

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Originally Posted by SunsetRed viewpost.gif

It all goes back to that old saying...."It's cheaper to keep her."

 

 

 

hahahaha isn't that the truth!!! I have to say I lost a grip load of assets and money....I'm in debt, but you know what? I'm so happy where I am in my life right now and no money can replace that for me now.

 

Yeah I will climb out of debt eventually. I have so much to be thankful for too!!!

 

Funny that you posted that comment after sunset reds comment because to me........confused4now just proved that if you want OUT badly enough assets and debt and obligations will not stop you. :)

 

I realize that I'm not exactly objective because of what happened to me, but take this as you will. I listened to over a year's worth of my xmm whining about how he was nothing but a paycheck to the wife and how he was trying to do the right thing by the stbx and not leave her broke and responsible for more than her share. He had also told me many times that during the marriage he was the one who paid the bills and she had her money to do with as she pleased. Well guess what......he lied as what he told me was no where near the truth. In fact she had the responsibility for the majority of the household bills and also she was the one who was being taken advantage of in the financial aspects of their marriage...........and this is a man who paid for his daughter's boob job without consulting his wife. Yes my conversations with the bs were greatly enlightening. You may think that your man would not lie about stuff like this, but think again. Also in a prior post I recall the OP mentioning what a honorable man this was........well that is exactly what I thought xmm was.....honorable and now that I know the truth, he was the most dishonorable man I've ever known.

With all I've said, I'm not absolutely saying that you've been conned........but you should at least consider the possibility and it does happen. At the very least your mm has portrayed to you that he is a victim (classic behavior, btw) and he has twisted some facts to make himself look more favorable.

I would suggest to the OP that if you want the real truth, call his wife and you just might get the real story. After all, if they were REALLY separated for 3 years, she shouldn't mind talking to you if he had been truthful and made it clear that he was over and out.

One more thing..........I don't buy that he hates her, come on..........you don't go back to someone that you truly HATE. I'm afraid there is a lot more to the story that you have a clue about and I'm sorry because I know what a shocker it can be.

Hugs..........

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Sorry to hear what you are going through BambooSticks.

 

Sadly your 7-year adventure only validates once again why affairs are so dangerous and uncertain. Simply shy away from married or "separated" men/women. That seems to be the only way you can be sure you're not going to be thrown under a bus months.. or years later.

 

It's now time to go total No Contact, maybe try some counseling, and give yourself ample time to regroup and heal from your MM's decision.

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Bamboo, You and I could have come out of this much worse...

 

We could have ended up living with our ex's and sharing expenses with them, only to be thrown under the bus at the last minute. Then we'd be left with our finances/credit in shambles and of course, our ex who is already burdened with his own finances would not be able to help us.

 

I have a very inexpensive, but also very small, cottage by the ocean. My ex wanted me to give up my place and get a bigger place with him so that we could "share expenses". I wasn't the one who needed to "share expenses" so this idea was solely for his benefit so that he could keep his wife in the life she wanted.

 

I was smart enough not to do this, but what if I had...then I'd be out of the affordable place on the beach I have now.

 

Yes, I agree, separated men, no matter how long they've been separated are a high risk relationship because there's always someone else besides the 2 of you in that relationship and that person has the power to make your world come tumbling down.

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Bamboo, You and I could have come out of this much worse...

 

We could have ended up living with our ex's and sharing expenses with them, only to be thrown under the bus at the last minute. Then we'd be left with our finances/credit in shambles and of course, our ex who is already burdened with his own finances would not be able to help us.

 

I have a very inexpensive, but also very small, cottage by the ocean. My ex wanted me to give up my place and get a bigger place with him so that we could "share expenses". I wasn't the one who needed to "share expenses" so this idea was solely for his benefit so that he could keep his wife in the life she wanted.

 

I was smart enough not to do this, but what if I had...then I'd be out of the affordable place on the beach I have now.

 

Yes, I agree, separated men, no matter how long they've been separated are a high risk relationship because there's always someone else besides the 2 of you in that relationship and that person has the power to make your world come tumbling down.

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I still can't quite put my finger on it. Something is off.

 

On the surface, his story seems so plausible and real. I'm as skeptical as they come and truly can't find definitive fault here. Some of the money issues I posted have equally valid alternatives that would support his story. (But not likely)

 

He showed you papers but we don't know if they were filed - however being shown papers would satisfy 99.00% percent of people out there and why wouldn't they.

 

He claims money is an issue. I can poke holes in it but there are equally valid reasons his story could be true as well. I seriously doubt his money is THAT bad. From a cash perspective, he should be BETTER off from when he had the house. But he isn't. Maybe he is just plain incompetent when it comes to money. But something with his finances is not kosher. If you wish to move forward, demand access to his financial records. And yes, that's a reasonable request.

 

So...the bullshyte radar is still going off but I cant find it.

 

Oh wait...yes I can.

 

What man, after three years of living apart, moves back in with his W and then, despite three years apart and hating her, makes love to her.

 

WTF.

 

Either way you slice this...its bad.

 

One, he has been feeding you a sack of lies about this and he is gleefully making love to his W.

 

Or, he truly hates her and, to make life easier for him (and to hell with you), he makes love her for FINANCIAL GAIN. Yup, in order to ease his financial burden he lies, gas lights and basically steals from his W (and makes love to her) so she will pay his bills. Wow, that could be you - count your blessings.

 

He either lied or he is using his W to make things easy on him. And who wants a person like that - a manipulative, lying, do what it takes to get what he wants man.

 

Discounting the money, his actions of going home clearly uncover some REAL undesirable traits.

 

You only THINK you lost...hun, you are the big winner here.

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I'm sorry, but something is rotten in Denmark (just a figure of speech, folks). When a D gets finalized, and it CAN get finalized if someone just uses their attorney properly (and it doesn't take a HUGE retainer to get one) they can get things taken care of in a MUCH more timely fashion than three years! Then the bills are split pretty much 50/50. I can't, for the life of me, imagine ANY person staying in a marriage because of bills. More people in a household means more living expenses to pay.

 

I'd really be wondering if I'd been fed a story if I were you, OP.

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Oh wait...yes I can.

 

What man, after three years of living apart, moves back in with his W and then, despite three years apart and hating her, makes love to her.

 

WTF.

 

Either way you slice this...its bad.

 

One, he has been feeding you a sack of lies about this and he is gleefully making love to his W.

 

Or, he truly hates her and, to make life easier for him (and to hell with you), he makes love her for FINANCIAL GAIN. Yup, in order to ease his financial burden he lies, gas lights and basically steals from his W (and makes love to her) so she will pay his bills. Wow, that could be you - count your blessings.

 

According to BambooSticks he said the THOUGHT of making love to his W sickens him, not that he has made love to her!!

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According to BambooSticks he said the THOUGHT of making love to his W sickens him, not that he has made love to her!!
The bolded is the key.
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Which is why it's always said on these forums...it ain't over till it's over. Best have those papers in hand before you even think about anything serious in the future.

 

All I can say this story really saddens me and I hope everyone reads it...cause it coulda happened to any of us. Please maintain your boundaries and guard your heart if your AP is getting out of a situation.

 

Papers are no guarantee either. If MM is so undecided he can get a D and after living with OW for some time he can go back to xW and no papers can stop him, if both he and xW agree to give it another go.

 

As we read here many of these BW are willing to take WS back.

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Papers are no guarantee either. If MM is so undecided he can get a D and after living with OW for some time he can go back to xW and no papers can stop him, if both he and xW agree to give it another go.

 

As we read here many of these BW are willing to take WS back.

But if THIS BS is such a HORRIBLE person, and having sex with her is SO very distasteful (as reported by the WS), then why in the world would he EVER want to go back to her after a D? ;)
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The bolded is the key.

 

We can speculate whether this is true or not, but we don't have to misread something and then go on and on commenting on what we have wrongly understood.

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