Healing and what it means to you?

[ladydesigner]

I saw a thread like this on another site and it was very refreshing to read the many responses to it and to give hope to others still in the healing process.

 

I have been NC for 7 months now and being healed to me at this point is:

 

 

- I no longer think about XOM for long-stretches of time if not days at a time.

 

- Feeling happy with the way things worked out no matter how painful this lesson has been.

 

- Knowing the answers to some of the why's and not caring about the why's that went unanswered.

 

- Accepting the ending for what it is and recognizing the lesson learned throughout. Hopefully applying them as I go and not repeat them again, knowing I will never put myself in that position again.

 

- Feelings of indifference for XOM

 

- No longer feeling resentment towards him, not forgiving or forgetting, but a real feeling of acceptance and letting go.

 

- Finding joy in life again.

 

and most important of all

 

- Loving myself again

[Confused4Now]

I saw a thread like this on another site and it was very refreshing to read the many responses to it and to give hope to others still in the healing process.

 

I have been NC for 7 months now and being healed to me at this point is:

 

 

- I no longer think about XOM for long-stretches of time if not days at a time.

 

- Feeling happy with the way things worked out no matter how painful this lesson has been.

 

- Knowing the answers to some of the why's and not caring about the why's that went unanswered.

 

- Accepting the ending for what it is and recognizing the lesson learned throughout. Hopefully applying them as I go and not repeat them again, knowing I will never put myself in that position again.

 

- Feelings of indifference for XOM

 

- No longer feeling resentment towards him, not forgiving or forgetting, but a real feeling of acceptance and letting go.

 

- Finding joy in life again.

 

and most important of all

 

- Loving myself again

I remember when I went NC the only one which I had trouble with was this one.

 

- Knowing the answers to some of the why's and not caring about the why's that went unanswered.

I can honestly say this is not a problem for me anymore. Cause I've come to realize the MP will never be able to answer those questions honestly anyway. So it's not important for me to get the answers.

 

As for the rest of your list I'm there with you. My focus is on me and my kids.

[silverplanets]

I remember when I went NC the only one which I had trouble with was this one.

 

- Knowing the answers to some of the why's and not caring about the why's that went unanswered.

I can honestly say this is not a problem for me anymore. Cause I've come to realize the MP will never be able to answer those questions honestly anyway. So it's not important for me to get the answers.

 

As for the rest of your list I'm there with you. My focus is on me and my kids.

 

I agree with the bolded part - learning just to accept that somethings would always be unknown has been the hardest part.

 

Other things that have been important for me:

 

- finding myself changing from doing things because they kept me busy and stopped me thinking about her, to doing them because I really wanted to

- finding new things (that I never did with her) and creating new memories that have no triggers attached

- learning that I can still get on with my life even whilst allowing my mind and heart to heal in their natural way

- learning that the healing comes in waves .. sometimes it seems to take a a step back, but it's not, it's just a precursor to a real leap forward

- learning that it doesn't mean that I can't trust anyone

 

- coming to acceptance that she never actually thought "Hey - I wonder how I can play havoc with Chris" but instead was just always acting to maximise her own benefits ... ie it was nothing personal

 

Through the pain and hurt of it all I also learnt a few things about myself:

 

1) I've never had any boundries (not just with this A) .. and I deserve some

2) I cannot be responsible for fixing some else's life

3) I am the best father I can be and always striving to be better

4) I'm actually ok with being on my own

5) My life is worth as much as anyone elses

6) My childhood means I am vunerable to certain things

7) I trust myself

8) That I was as responsible for the A as her and that the repeated hurt was caused as much by me wanting it back as it was by her

9) That I like myself much better now I am not in it

10) That I will NEVER be in that situation again

11) That when I actually take responsibility for my life I'm not too bad at it :rolleyes: (for a beginner !!!)

 

be safe

Chris

[Confused4Now]

I agree with the bolded part - learning just to accept that somethings would always be unknown has been the hardest part.

 

Other things that have been important for me:

 

- finding myself changing from doing things because they kept me busy and stopped me thinking about her, to doing them because I really wanted to

- finding new things (that I never did with her) and creating new memories that have no triggers attached

- learning that I can still get on with my life even whilst allowing my mind and heart to heal in their natural way

- learning that the healing comes in waves .. sometimes it seems to take a a step back, but it's not, it's just a precursor to a real leap forward

- learning that it doesn't mean that I can't trust anyone

 

- coming to acceptance that she never actually thought "Hey - I wonder how I can play havoc with Chris" but instead was just always acting to maximise her own benefits ... ie it was nothing personal

 

Through the pain and hurt of it all I also learnt a few things about myself:

 

1) I've never had any boundries (not just with this A) .. and I deserve some

2) I cannot be responsible for fixing some else's life

3) I am the best father I can be and always striving to be better

4) I'm actually ok with being on my own

5) My life is worth as much as anyone elses

6) My childhood means I am vunerable to certain things

7) I trust myself

8) That I was as responsible for the A as her and that the repeated hurt was caused as much by me wanting it back as it was by her

9) That I like myself much better now I am not in it

10) That I will NEVER be in that situation again

11) That when I actually take responsibility for my life I'm not too bad at it :rolleyes: (for a beginner !!!)

 

be safe

Chris

Wow!!! I could have written this myself...this is totally me!!!

[Getting_stronger]

I am so inspired by you guys. These are the things I want to feel- hope I can get there . I'll struggle most with allowing unanswered questions to remain that way. But as someone said above, I probably wouldn't have got truthful answers anyway, so I may as well let go of the questions.