Why am I weakening?

[dannie19]

AW! Had been doing so well with NC after things ending badly with MM at weekend (posted in Hitting rock bottom and ashamed of myself) but just texted him asking him why he had never given us any consideration and why he was so thoughtless? Why did I do that I already know the answer: he's selfish beyond normality, I don't want him back, I know he won't reply so am just so angry with myself. Ug. Am starting to feel nervous too as will be back at work on Monday and will have to see him again. I know there isn't a lot anyone out there can say just needed to write about it, am enjoying banging the keyboard keys really hard!

[MizFit]

AW! Had been doing so well with NC after things ending badly with MM at weekend (posted in Hitting rock bottom and ashamed of myself) but just texted him asking him why he had never given us any consideration and why he was so thoughtless? Why did I do that I already know the answer: he's selfish beyond normality, I don't want him back, I know he won't reply so am just so angry with myself. Ug. Am starting to feel nervous too as will be back at work on Monday and will have to see him again. I know there isn't a lot anyone out there can say just needed to write about it, am enjoying banging the keyboard keys really hard!

 

Hi dannie...NC is tough. I haven't read your story, but will do now. Just remember it's a blip...you sent a message and it was a mistake. Don't kill yourself over it...just move on from it. If you make another mistake move on from that as well...you will get through it.

 

Write...write some more...then write a little bit more. I have a facebook account that MM and I used to share. It has some things on the wall that we sent and posted...it's familiar. We had our second DDay in January and since then (actually since well before then) I have written to D (Diary) at that account. No one reads them, but I probably send 6 or 7 messages a day. Some are about MM...some about my son...some about my parents...some are full of heartache and others are full of the minute details of my day. It gave me something to focus on when I missed him...granted it was only a few weeks before he was back in contact, but I'm still writing to that account. It's for me...it's real...it's the one place no one can reach me and I can say anything. Try it...try something like that. It might be the catharsis you need...keep at it here as well because you will get support. Good luck...

[skywriter]

dannie19,

 

Sounds like you have many fresh wounds regarding this guy. Time may be your best medicine.

 

You need to try to forgive yourself for the text mssg. Just try to wait next time you are tempted. If you can call someone or leave your phone at home and get out for a bit, maybe that'll cure the urge.

 

I do feel for you, having to see him at work. That has to be very difficult.

 

((Big hugs danniegal)) hang in there.

[skywriter]

danniegal,

 

If you happen to check in on the LS site, I am thinking of you.

 

I realise how you are struggling and if there is anything I could say to

help I would.

 

Don't consider yourself a failure dannie if you have contact. The most important priority is to decide what you believe is best for you. If this relationship is unhealthy, toxic, draining you, keeping you upset, all the above. The first step to healing is acknowledging it. That's a step and give yourself credit.

 

If you backslide, dust yourself off and don't wallow in it. Let it go and strive to stop repeating the behavior. Decide what you want and demand it. If he won't comply, let him go, wish him well and move on.

 

These are all discussions I've been having with a certain mm I've allowed into my life. It's not about how he and I feel about one another , so much as it is about what actually is.

 

I've accepted that we came into one anothers lives for a brief time, we learned some very valuable lessons and experiences that we will never forget.

[fooled once]

AW! Had been doing so well with NC after things ending badly with MM at weekend (posted in Hitting rock bottom and ashamed of myself) but just texted him asking him why he had never given us any consideration and why he was so thoughtless? Why did I do that I already know the answer: he's selfish beyond normality, I don't want him back, I know he won't reply so am just so angry with myself. Ug. Am starting to feel nervous too as will be back at work on Monday and will have to see him again. I know there isn't a lot anyone out there can say just needed to write about it, am enjoying banging the keyboard keys really hard!

 

You did it, IMHO, to get a reaction out of him. You want him to remember you, pay attention to you, contact you.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. I need to research your posts and see how/why things ended.

[dannie19]

Thank you Skywriter, it's really thoughtful of you post again. I am experiencing all of the things you mention and just trying to follow my gut instinct which is to not get involved again (however, he's not been in touch so it probably not even an option) Fooledonce you are also right because despite what I've just written I do want his attention, maybe I want to know if he's missing me. It's been a week now and I am feeling low today but mostly terrified about about seeing him at work on Monday, especially upsetting since he told me (before we split) that he finds a new colleague 'absolutely gorgeous', that's awful to hear. Anyway, I mustn't go back to him even if it becomes an option because he isn't the one (if such a person exists!) and I don't want this last week to have been for nothing or to go through it again. Thanks again for helping to keep me strong, it really means and helps a lot.