nama Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I was involved with my best friend who was my MM on/off for five years, knew him for 10. I have been NC for 2 months and have not seen him since August. I know the NC will last as through therapy I have 'worked it out'. I no longer desire him in any shape or form. My question is to women who have been involved with MM. Did you tell bfs after this relationship that you had been involved with a MM? I ask as I am now ready to date other men and when they ask me about my history I know I will feel uneasy. It's not something I'm proud of, but I will never regret it. I guess I'm worried they will categorise me as untrustworthy. Despite what has happened in the past, this I am not. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 It's noone's business about your past and don't feel pressured by going into any detail. If anything, just tell him your previous relationship wasn't a healthy one for you, and that you're so glad to be done with it and moved on with your life.. Then compliment the guy you're with. No need to go into details about your past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nama Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 I understand and agree with past details. I hate keeping things from people and feel as if I'm living a lie. I guess saying my last relationship wasn't healthy is a good way of getting past it. It's just that this man was a massive part of my life. And my best friend. I mean, i had a few relationships whilst we were not 'seeing' eachother but he was a massive part of the last 10 years. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Once you get serious enough with a specific boyfriend, it will likely be most natural to tell him. That is actually part of establishing a relationship, to tell of the past. It helps us unload burdens from the past, a unique chance to do so, is what I have read. Until then, I wouldn't tell. You can just say you dated this guy and it is over. No need to share with everyone that he was married. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I agree, it is not their buisness if you are just casually dating them... even if it becomes more serious, do you usually tell your new romances all the details of your past relationships? I am quite sure that it need never come up, unless it is something you just feel you want to share... but, if you dated someone of a different race, or a different religion, or someone who was bi-sexual, or any number of other little details used to 'label' your ex, do you tell it to your current? I would think if you talk about past relationships, it is in generalities, not specifics. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Nama... as a single guy, who is open to new relationships. I'm sure that this far down the road (I'm 58) I am positive that I would not want to know in detail about previous relationships a lady was in. This would include "questionable" ones. It's enough for me to know that every mature person owns baggage. The size, color, and condition of that baggage isn't a productive piece of knowledge, especially if that old baggage has been donated to Goodwill. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I was involved with my best friend who was my MM on/off for five years, knew him for 10. I have been NC for 2 months and have not seen him since August. I know the NC will last as through therapy I have 'worked it out'. I no longer desire him in any shape or form. My question is to women who have been involved with MM. Did you tell bfs after this relationship that you had been involved with a MM? I ask as I am now ready to date other men and when they ask me about my history I know I will feel uneasy. It's not something I'm proud of, but I will never regret it. I guess I'm worried they will categorise me as untrustworthy. Despite what has happened in the past, this I am not. No, I didn't tell dates I was with a married man prior. My H does know, as once we knew we were in it for the long haul, we shared our 'secrets' with each other. In our situation, since we were both divorced, that was our main past we shared. But in time, I told him of a few less than proud moments I had had. When he gave me support and understanding for those things, it was then I knew he was "THE ONE" for me. I personally don't think you need to disclose the fact that the last man you dated was married. You can just state the facts - you were in a 'relationship' with someone and it didn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Hi Nama, Welcome and congratulations for getting out of your A and also for finding out why you ever went there. Wish I had those answers for myself. I'm like all the previous posters on not telling your dates about your A. None of their business unless you get into a serious relationship with someone and mutually , for whatever reason, decide to share your past dating history with one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nama Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 Thank you so much for all your replies. I guess my problem at the moment is 'making peace' with my self and accepting what happened. I feel quite guilty rather than accepting what happened wasn't one of the greatest moves I have made! I am not in a relationship at the moment, I don't know if I'm ready but this has been playing on my mind. Maybe I'm making too much of this; not sure yet. xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
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