oxfordsocks Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I knew christmas time would be hard but MM and I were able to talk right up till Christmas Eve--he left a message from his phone shortly after midnight his tiime to wish me a Merry Christmas too. His phone appeared logged in as mobile all day as I had several times logged in and left a few messages. No contact all day Christmas which i expected--first thing Boxing Day messages--all day he left messages--asked me how my christmas was going(so he apparently didn't get the messages I had left him) his message this morning said he would contact me today as networks should be not busy(he lives in UK) he has left his phone signed in before which is what i thought had happened. He left me messages all today too--hoping i was ok as this would be 3 full days that i have made no contact-according to him(only 2 really since i did leave messages on Xmas day but he didn't get them). why do i stare at these messages and not respond? I never figured any contact for christmas day--but it bothers me that he says the networks were busy -when i just think he left his phone logged in and never bothered with it all day. I got other texts from other relatives in Scotland. There is no reason for him to say that and it bothers me. maybe I am just fed up-why not just say too busy and that would be ok to me and understandably. I go online and i just can't type anything. I know they had company tonight too so there were no messages tonight. I seem to be able to find a moment anytime to send a message(i have even taken my phone to the bathroom(he could do that tooo) is this just the difference between men and women? He checked in 6 times today for me(i leave computer on-while i go about the day)) so i see him log in and out. I am horrible--if he had not left messages in 3 days i would be freaking out. I don't understand myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Maybe you are hurt he is with his wife and not with you. And that is why your fingers can't do the typing. (?) It can be a lonely time of year. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 i think it's a good plan... stick with not contacting him. make him wonder what you're doing while he's away. then get out and have some fun and see what awaits you. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) There is no reason for him to say that When a person thrives on lies like he does, lying is second nature. He can, will and does lie constantly I would imagine and not blink an eye or even consider it as anything other than 'business as usual'. I don't think it necessarily has much to do with his feelings, so much as lying is just second nature to him. He maintains relationships outside of his marriage and apparently has an active AFF lifestyle - he can only accomplish that by how well and often he lies. I think you would probably be horrified if every lie he told was laid bare to you for you to see clearly. As for what he was doing with his phone - well, he prioritized the way he felt was necessary and it does not look like anything having to do with his phone was near the top of the list if it was even on it at all. I don't understand myself. If you aren't able to respond, I don't think it is a matter of not understanding yourself. It is a matter of you beginning to understand the true nature of what you have with him. It can be confusing when the blinders start to come off. We grow accustomed to the blindness of love, and when we begin to see, confusion is the first symptom. Go back and read what you wrote multiple times. What I see is this: you are living your life message to message, and he is simply living his life period. How fair is it that you are left clinging to the possibility of a message over your computer and phone, and he is living a full life out there without you and fitting you in when he feels fit? Get angry, woman! Pull off the blinders and SEE. Edited December 28, 2009 by LucreziaBorgia Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 why do i stare at these messages and not respond? Deep down inside I think you know the answer(s). Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I think you don't respond because you are "punishing" him. You want him to know what it feels like for YOU to sit there and wait for him to respond. If I thought that you were going to continue 'not responding' I would say this was a good first step, but, I feel as though you are just "giving him a tatse of his own medicine" and will soon start answering, and the tables will turn again, and it will be you sitting there waiting again. I wish I could make it hurt less for you, I wish I had some words that would give you the strength to walk away for good and learn to put yourself and your needs above his or anyone else's. but I just don't have those great words of wisdom, for you, or for myself. All I can do is pray that you and I and everyone else here hurting, find a way to find the peace and love that we deserve. Until then, my friend, I am here for you... and am sending you my love... and hoping that it helps even if only a little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I understand what LB is saying, how when we are in love with someone we have blinders on and we don't always choose to see their behaviour for what it is. Maybe part of the reason you haven't replied is because you know he would have had a chance to at least send you a tiny message on Christmas day, if that's what kind of communication you're used to, and part of you doesnt want to confront the issue because the reason behind it is that on that day he put his family first. Maybe you're more tired than you realise of not being 'first' for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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