temple Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 The A is over. He told her about me right at the time he was supposed to tell her it's over. He kept asking me if I'd be 'okay'. I told him I forgave him, that I will be fine, I'm strong. I didn't to tell him how much he had hurt me. A day later he sends an email asking the same thing. Saying that he would want a relationship with me but not until this one is over, while at the same time saying he wants to make a go of his M and cannot ask me to stay (even though he is, of course, indirectly). He was really twisting the knife in my heart. Then he sends a text hours later asking if I had read his email and 'could I please respond to let him know I'm ok'. I responded with 'yes I'm absolutely fine I'll read your email later'. I had 2 more texts from him after that saying he's glad I'm ok. I did not respond. Sorry, but it seems he's getting some thrill out of the idea there are 2 women tearing their hearts out to be with him. Well, even though I am hurting..it's not his problem any more. 5 days later I get ANOTHER text from him saying he 'understands' why I haven't responded to his email and whether he can do anything to ease my pain...it's opened the wound again but I didn't bother responding. Another text came through saying he's getting worried about me so I respond saying that I'm very well and very happy. He sends another text: he doesn't think I can be fine ... and that we can talk if it will help. I respond saying I don't need to talk, I'm genuinely happy and that I wish him well in life. He went silent after this. Who knows if he will write again. I guess if I think about it, I am the one who got a lucky escape. I'm learning from my mistakes. I am an intelligent, attractive, strong woman and I don't need someone like that to drag me down. I'd be interested to hear from others - men and women - in similar situations. I hope you're all keeping strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Temple - you truly are an inspiration! I am one week into NC and struggling, massively. I spend so much time crying and the hurt only seems to be growing at the moment, not getting better. I want to be as strong as you, and am trying (and so far succeeding despite the pain), but the truth is no matter how much I want to walk away I still pine for him, I want him to get in touch, which is crazy because I know it will lead to more hurt. I think you are doing the right thing. Completely. I love your attitude :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author temple Posted December 22, 2009 Author Share Posted December 22, 2009 Hazyhead: I'm very sorry you're hurting. Trust me, even though my message sounds tough, I'm still a long way from being happy again. I go through ups and downs every day, and the pain is very great (I felt I had lost my soulmate, my one true love...) What I keep telling myself every day is that a person who can hurt me in such a way is not my soulmate. A person who can toy with my heart in such a way is not my one true love. I keep telling myself that I could have been in a much worse situation - I could have found out about this side of his personality 5 years on, 10 years on, we could have had kids together... think about that. So the best way for me to deal with this is to come to terms with all this, that he is not the man I thought he was. Be strong, be very strong. The world hasn't ended. Life moves on and so can you. Try to look at him in a different light. He is not Mr Perfect. He lost that title the minute he hurt you. Take care of yourself. Know that you're not alone x Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 You are so right, Temple. Thank you. I feel the same about losing my soul-mate. But he chose to give his marriage a shot, supposedly for the sake of his baby. I'm choosing to believe him because to not only adds more resentment and although I go through emotional waves I would hate to think badly of him when all of this is over and I'm past it. I want to be able to look back and think that getting involved with him was a mistake, but to have no regrets. To think of the happy times fondly and not to dwell too much on the painful moments. Right now though, it does help to think of him in a different light - to think of the times that I felt messed around, even if he was always so sorry afterwards. But he is no Mr Perfect - you're so right. I know that I have to put myself first, as you are doing, even if they can't/don't. Stay strong too, Temple, I think you're doing a fantastic job. You've really strengthened me today. Link to post Share on other sites
her_halo_slipped Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I guess if I think about it, I am the one who got a lucky escape. I'm learning from my mistakes. I am an intelligent, attractive, strong woman and I don't need someone like that to drag me down. I'd be interested to hear from others - men and women - in similar situations. I hope you're all keeping strong. No temple you don't. All the power is with you! You go girl. Keep strong and be an inspiration for others on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 The A is over. He told her about me right at the time he was supposed to tell her it's over. He kept asking me if I'd be 'okay'. I told him I forgave him, that I will be fine, I'm strong. I didn't to tell him how much he had hurt me. A day later he sends an email asking the same thing. Saying that he would want a relationship with me but not until this one is over, while at the same time saying he wants to make a go of his M and cannot ask me to stay (even though he is, of course, indirectly). He was really twisting the knife in my heart. Then he sends a text hours later asking if I had read his email and 'could I please respond to let him know I'm ok'. I responded with 'yes I'm absolutely fine I'll read your email later'. I had 2 more texts from him after that saying he's glad I'm ok. I did not respond. Sorry, but it seems he's getting some thrill out of the idea there are 2 women tearing their hearts out to be with him. Well, even though I am hurting..it's not his problem any more. 5 days later I get ANOTHER text from him saying he 'understands' why I haven't responded to his email and whether he can do anything to ease my pain...it's opened the wound again but I didn't bother responding. Another text came through saying he's getting worried about me so I respond saying that I'm very well and very happy. He sends another text: he doesn't think I can be fine ... and that we can talk if it will help. I respond saying I don't need to talk, I'm genuinely happy and that I wish him well in life. He went silent after this. Who knows if he will write again. I guess if I think about it, I am the one who got a lucky escape. I'm learning from my mistakes. I am an intelligent, attractive, strong woman and I don't need someone like that to drag me down. I'd be interested to hear from others - men and women - in similar situations. I hope you're all keeping strong. OMG, this could be so much fun... I broke up with mine after much agonizing and told him to go work on his M if he couldn't make a choice, not making a choice was to me, making a choice...He kept emailing me "oh so sad" emails. I had pics on my computer of this event he was supposed to have taken me to looking very attractive and HAPPY, smiling with my friends etc. so I emailed them to him saying that I was so sorry he wasn't doing as well and look at how fun the auction was, it was too bad he wasn't there. Well, apparently he got really PISSED and deleted his email account at the time. (Hee hee, that's what he deserved.) Although, that is not the end of my story as we've now been married over a year. But I think that goes to show that what will be, will be. Just conduct yourself in a way that is true to you, because what's going to happen, is going to happen, period. My honey just happened to be one of those that acted like an ass in the beginning but realized he was just hurting everyone in his life. He was a good person who made choices that hurt others. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Well done. Im sure he is genuinely concerned about you but he doesnt deserve to know how you are or what is going on with you. That is your business. Its the old adage - never let them see you sweat. (I was not as successful with that when I was in your shoes; I perspired buckets all over him). Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I am staying strong, I just know I can't handle the games and abuse, and that is what I am hurting from. I have a lot of friends though and am staying close to them and staying busy...I understand the open wounds though...he rode by my house the other day and it felt like a slap in the face. I seriously doubt I would take him back, he would have to be completely different, and I doubt a 180 is possible for him, and it is why I broke it off as I do not expect anyone to change except for me.... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 OMG, this could be so much fun... I broke up with mine after much agonizing and told him to go work on his M if he couldn't make a choice, not making a choice was to me, making a choice...He kept emailing me "oh so sad" emails. I had pics on my computer of this event he was supposed to have taken me to looking very attractive and HAPPY, smiling with my friends etc. so I emailed them to him saying that I was so sorry he wasn't doing as well and look at how fun the auction was, it was too bad he wasn't there. Well, apparently he got really PISSED and deleted his email account at the time. (Hee hee, that's what he deserved.) Although, that is not the end of my story as we've now been married over a year. But I think that goes to show that what will be, will be. Just conduct yourself in a way that is true to you, because what's going to happen, is going to happen, period. My honey just happened to be one of those that acted like an ass in the beginning but realized he was just hurting everyone in his life. He was a good person who made choices that hurt others. GEL (((((((((((((GEL!!!!!!))))))))))))))) GBU and your M....it just goes to show if you love and respect yourself , others will have to, or they must leave your life. All through these boards the last few weeks I have been angry concerning the treatment that came my way from exMM/exBF. It has really helped to vent, although I might have been unbecoming in some posts and mostlikely not very encouraging to others. I am done being angry and I forgive exMM/exBF and release him to be happy and wish him a very good life. I also forgive myself and release me to have a REALLY good life! You know GEL, it just makes me so mad how disrespectful some MM and MW can be....but I have to let it go and just tell the truth in love and not anger. GEL, you have a gift....when I saw your post, my heart softened and I was not happy about my anger and resentment, and was very convicted by it....your gentle spirit caused me to see how wrong I was being....you have a lot of grace and carry yourself very well. You will see nothing but victory in your life because any garbage that tries to enter in must fall to the ground and die! So good to see you and hear the good news.... Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Temple - you truly are an inspiration! ...... I think you are doing the right thing. Completely. I love your attitude :-) Here, here! Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Yesterday I woke up incredibly down with the reality of everything that had happened. And then I read your post, Temple. Today I woke up and remembered your attitude. I know there's a constant state of flux during mood in this withdrawal phase, but you're still inspiring me - you and others showing strength in these forums. Link to post Share on other sites
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