The other side of NC

[wheelwright]

How do you feel when NC has been forced on you?

 

I can deal with the practicalities and the necessity. But the emotional aspect is so hard.

 

In the beginning I drove myself mad thinking that the NC was imposed by his W. Then after reading LS I realised that he instigated it.

 

The way I felt about him, all the storms could not change it. Is this a normal way to feel, should I get myself committed, or go on loving someone who threw me under a bus?

 

I don't know how to feel about someone who forced NC on me.

[WhereToGoFromHere]

NC is hard... My MW is trying really hard to put distance between us with NC. She keeps initiating it and then a few days later I will get some emails that I of course pathetically respond to. Then she is back on the wagon again. I know she doesn't want to do it either but feels she has to. I don't want NC but I do realize that its probably the best thing for both of us. I hate it, just like you.

 

I find myself with physical issues, sick to my stomach, worry, intense anxiety, all of that too. Its crazy and extremely painful. Especially when I can't let anything out and have to be 'happy' all the time. I've never been here before but I think you are normal. Time heals all, right?

[hopeless4u]

NC is hard... My MW is trying really hard to put distance between us with NC. She keeps initiating it and then a few days later I will get some emails that I of course pathetically respond to. Then she is back on the wagon again. I know she doesn't want to do it either but feels she has to. I don't want NC but I do realize that its probably the best thing for both of us. I hate it, just like you.

 

I find myself with physical issues, sick to my stomach, worry, intense anxiety, all of that too. Its crazy and extremely painful. Especially when I can't let anything out and have to be 'happy' all the time. I've never been here before but I think you are normal. Time heals all, right?

 

xMM an I planned NC so many times and tried to go through with it but we never did.

 

This time it has been forced by his W and so far he has stuck with it and TBH that hurts..a lot!!

 

I'm trying to get through this but I have know idea that I will. One minute I am fine and strong the next I just want to curl up and die.

Guess I always thought when it came to it he'd choose me....he didn't.

[wheelwright]

I find myself with physical issues, sick to my stomach, worry, intense anxiety, all of that too. Its crazy and extremely painful. Especially when I can't let anything out and have to be 'happy' all the time. I've never been here before but I think you are normal. Time heals all, right?

 

I feel like someone who is far away from the vibes frequently let out here on LS. LS has been a huge eye opener for me, and I have learnt so much from the kind and cruel people her.

 

But no. Time does not heal everything. People move on, and heal embedded issues. But, no, we do not heal from wrong choices. We live with them.

 

And we live with the wrong choices of others.

 

I don't see a whole lot of people healed around me. I see a lot of people making the best of things and making themselves as decent and strong as possible in the circumstances.

 

We can heal from the wrong choices layed on us by others, we can only learn from the ones we made ourselves.

 

As for the pain, I just don't know what to say. I don't think it's normal. I think love should be allowed to live and run it's course.

 

I think we should work all this all out so that we all understand one another.

 

I think I'm abnormal.

[WhereToGoFromHere]

As for the pain, I just don't know what to say. I don't think it's normal. I think love should be allowed to live and run it's course.

 

I agree. I'm a pathetic romantic and I think the one thing that I will take from the EA that I'm in is that I want to love someone like I do now. I was just relaying the phrase that is supposed to make us all feel better, by other people. I know I will feel most of this all of my life, I will just learn to live with it.

One minute I am fine and strong the next I just want to curl up and die.

 

I feel for you H4U, You've been through hell this past while. I'm with you on being strong one minute and then a total wreck the next. Yeah, I feel that too.

[wheelwright]

Guess I always thought when it came to it he'd choose me....he didn't.

 

Hard. You sound like someone facing it. I am not really. I still spend my time thinking about how I never loved anyone like him. I am a fool, whereas you might at least know where your as* is at.

 

I honestly think I will give up the love of a good H and the family life of my children over this. Because I can't make it real.

 

I still think about him although he threw me under a bus.

[jwi71]

But no. Time does not heal everything. People move on, and heal embedded issues. But, no, we do not heal from wrong choices. We live with them.

 

How true. Time does NOT heal...its what you do with it that heals or hurts.

So...how ill you spend this time? What is your healing and how do you affect it? What would hurt/set you back...and how might you affect it?

 

You have now the most precious commodity we humans have...time. You don't know how much you have it and once spent it cannot be reclaimed.

 

How will you spend this time?

 

And we live with the wrong choices of others.

Dig a bit deeper...your AP made the right choice for THEM...which, and its frequently the case, leaves you out in the cold. And isnt that ultimately the fate of most A's? The OM/OW left out in the cold, shocked at their AP's actions.

 

So what does this tell you?

 

I don't see a whole lot of people healed around me. I see a lot of people making the best of things and making themselves as decent and strong as possible in the circumstances.

Sadly, I agree. And I think its because they NEVER dig deeper...never ask themselves the HARD questions. No one likes to see ugly in the mirror...but until you open your eyes and look...the fear of the ugly controls you. And its also my experience that the ugly in the mirror isn't ugly...only human.

 

I had to face my ugly. Yup, it sucked. Turns out I'm not so ugly after all...just human.

As for the pain, I just don't know what to say. I don't think it's normal. I think love should be allowed to live and run it's course.

Yeah and that's why NC usually fails. One party doesn't really want it. And that poisonous hope keeps them around. Hoping, wishing praying for...whatever. And time passes. Wounds bleed. The ugly gets worse.

 

I think I'm abnormal.

Nope. Perfectly normal.

[CCNowWhat]

How do you feel when NC has been forced on you?

 

I can deal with the practicalities and the necessity. But the emotional aspect is so hard.

 

In the beginning I drove myself mad thinking that the NC was imposed by his W. Then after reading LS I realised that he instigated it.

 

The way I felt about him, all the storms could not change it. Is this a normal way to feel, should I get myself committed, or go on loving someone who threw me under a bus?

 

I don't know how to feel about someone who forced NC on me.

 

I was not forced into NC. His wife wants him to have NC with me. I am allowed contact with him, I just don't want it. Even though in xMM mind he didn't throw me under the bus, I feel he did. Hell maybe I don't know what that term REALLY means.

 

A few weeks ago when this all went down I was all OHHH I LOVE HIM, I need him etc etc. I loved him for what he was to me but he, in my eyes is not the same guy I loved. You can love what you had with him but you should not go on loving someone who threw you under the bus.

 

Things will get better. I still cry every now and then, sometimes everyday. I get sad, I lost someone who I thought was my other half. I feel a huge hole in my heart but I am not going to let this kill me. I am mostly angry for allowing this to happen. I guess I deserve it.

[CCNowWhat]

xMM an I planned NC so many times and tried to go through with it but we never did.

 

This time it has been forced by his W and so far he has stuck with it and TBH that hurts..a lot!!

 

I'm trying to get through this but I have know idea that I will. One minute I am fine and strong the next I just want to curl up and die.

Guess I always thought when it came to it he'd choose me....he didn't.

 

I feel so so sorry for you. I feel your pain, I really do. You will get through this, we all will. We HAVE to!!

[CCNowWhat]

As for the pain, I just don't know what to say. I don't think it's normal. I think love should be allowed to live and run it's course.

 

I 100% agree. It is not normal. I will never love someone like I loved my xMM

 

 

I think I'm abnormal

 

I may be too LOL

[wheelwright]

How true. Time does NOT heal...its what you do with it that heals or hurts.

So...how ill you spend this time? What is your healing and how do you affect it? What would hurt/set you back...and how might you affect it?

 

You have now the most precious commodity we humans have...time. You don't know how much you have it and once spent it cannot be reclaimed.

 

How will you spend this time?

 

Dig a bit deeper...your AP made the right choice for THEM...which, and its frequently the case, leaves you out in the cold. And isnt that ultimately the fate of most A's? The OM/OW left out in the cold, shocked at their AP's actions.

 

So what does this tell you?

 

Sadly, I agree. And I think its because they NEVER dig deeper...never ask themselves the HARD questions. No one likes to see ugly in the mirror...but until you open your eyes and look...the fear of the ugly controls you. And its also my experience that the ugly in the mirror isn't ugly...only human.

 

I had to face my ugly. Yup, it sucked. Turns out I'm not so ugly after all...just human.

Yeah and that's why NC usually fails. One party doesn't really want it. And that poisonous hope keeps them around. Hoping, wishing praying for...whatever. And time passes. Wounds bleed. The ugly gets worse.

 

Nope. Perfectly normal.

 

 

My goodness I thank you for this post. So much truth and heart all in the same place. Which is what I need.

 

Yes I still have that hoping poison. And I don't know how to rid myself of it, though your words may be a necessarily drip in the leak.

 

I feel you are ahead of me in a big way.

 

Because I still don't know the difference between love and poison.

 

I really don't. I don't want to think what I thought was love may have been poison.