otherman Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Hello, It's been awhile since I have posted. However, I wanted some feedback. I decided the other day to tell my MWs husband about our relationship in hopes he would just go away. She has told me before if he would just go away we could be together soon rather than later. Well, I was going to meet him, but she cried and cried and made me feel really bad about what I was going todo, so I didn't do it? She said if I did she would never talk to me again, but she later said she was angry when she said that. None-the-less I backed out and did not talk to him. Do you think I should have went through with it. FYI, recently I asked her to marry me and gave her a ring because I felt it was right and I thought maybe she would leave him based on my offering, but she didn't. I can't stand to walk away from her, to me she is my soulmate. We have been together for 6mo+ now. What would you have done? FYI, she said that I didn't really love her if I told. Logically I know that isn't the case, but emotion always overrides my logic. Thanks, The Other Man Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 She clearly wants to stay married regardless of what she is telling you. I'm not sure what else there is to say. Six months isn't enough time to see exactly what a person is 'made of'. I can tell you this, it might take you years but eventually you'll see her clearly and will wish you walked away without wasting so many years on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 You brought a RING! when she's already MARRIED! wow what a sucka! lol. How can you give her a ring when she's still married? That's insane! why DONT you tell the husband the truth and give him proof of it. and let the chips fall where it may. 6 months. your her soulmate? Is it me or when people are so caught up in the affair they use that word like it means something?! WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 It doesn't matter what YOU do. SHE doesn't want to leave her husband. If you were to tell her husband about the affair, this woman would be on her knees begging and pleading her husband not to believe you and telling him you were some jerk who had been pursuing her and she can't get YOU to go away. If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be wishing her husband would "go away". SHE would leave HIM. There is no reason for her to wait for her husband to suddenly decide to "go away". Get your ring back and get out of her life, or you will never have a life of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Echoing the above...she is DESPERATE to stay married. Did you read what you wrote? "You don't love me if you tell." Wow. Just plain wow. Can there be ANY doubt that she wants to stay married to her H? And to top it off...she rejected your marriage proposal. Take the not so subtle hint here. End this now. If you don't, it won't be long before she panics in an attempt to save her M and she paints YOU as some crazy stalker dude. And yes, women have been known to cry RAPE to protect their H and their M. "We didn't make love, he raped me". Run Forest Run. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Hello, It's been awhile since I have posted. However, I wanted some feedback. I decided the other day to tell my MWs husband about our relationship in hopes he would just go away. She has told me before if he would just go away we could be together soon rather than later. why does it have to be up to him to "go away"? Your MW has the tits to cheat, she should have them to leave her husband. Oh I know.....she doesn't want to be seen as the "bad guy", is that right? Well, I was going to meet him, but she cried and cried and made me feel really bad about what I was going todo, so I didn't do it? WTF? She wants him to go away, supposedly so you and her can be together....so whats the problem? She said if I did she would never talk to me again, but she later said she was angry when she said that. None-the-less I backed out and did not talk to him. either a) she is feeding you a line of bulls##t and really has no intention of leaving her husband. or b) she wants to her marriage to end without any revelation of her being a worthless cheater. Do you think I should have went through with it. FYI, recently I asked her to marry me and gave her a ring because I felt it was right and I thought maybe she would leave him based on my offering, but she didn't. I can't stand to walk away from her, to me she is my soulmate. We have been together for 6mo+ now. you soul mate? if a cheater is your soulmate, and it you figured that out in only 6 months, then the definition of "soulmate" just got heavily watered down. What would you have done? First I wouldn't be in the position of knowingly boning someone elses wife. Second, I would have asked her if she wants to be with you sooner than later, WHY doesn't she want you to tell her husband. eff it...I say tell anyway because the husband deserves to know what an unscrupluous betrayer he is married to. for his own sake, he does need to "go away"......or more specifically...."get away" from her. do the man a favor and he might just save himself. FYI, she said that I didn't really love her if I told. Logically I know that isn't the case, but emotion always overrides my logic. Thanks, The Other Man Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Two words..CAKE EATER. This MW of yours has no intention of leaving, let alone divorcing her husband to be with you. She likes things as they are! Her husband, the house, her family, friends, inlaws, etc..etc... And then she has you on the side to fulfill all her other needs. She's living a double life except YOU are not getting what you want out of it. So, either accept your role as the OM to her, her affair partner - Nothing more, nothing less.. OR, end it and walk away, heal so you can find a woman to marry and start a family with. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I wish one of my kids would buy a ring and ask a married person to marry them. Hell hath no fury like a disgusted mom. This woman doesn't want to leave her life and you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Hello, It's been awhile since I have posted. However, I wanted some feedback. I decided the other day to tell my MWs husband about our relationship in hopes he would just go away. She has told me before if he would just go away we could be together soon rather than later. Well, I was going to meet him, but she cried and cried and made me feel really bad about what I was going todo, so I didn't do it? She said if I did she would never talk to me again, but she later said she was angry when she said that. None-the-less I backed out and did not talk to him. Do you think I should have went through with it. FYI, recently I asked her to marry me and gave her a ring because I felt it was right and I thought maybe she would leave him based on my offering, but she didn't. I can't stand to walk away from her, to me she is my soulmate. We have been together for 6mo+ now. What would you have done? FYI, she said that I didn't really love her if I told. Logically I know that isn't the case, but emotion always overrides my logic. Thanks, The Other Man She is NOT your soul mate. She is playing you BIG TIME. She doesn't want you to tell her H because she is still invested in the marriage. IF you tell him, he will dump her and she doesn't want that. She has you believing all this crap and I don't think she is being HONEST with you. Get your money back for the ring. Her logic is flawed - if she really loved you she would tell her husband herself. IF you tell him, she will hate you forever. I bet a year's salary on it!!! You have only been with her for 6 months -- she isn't that into you. Get out now before you waste more time and emotion on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 YOU were going to meet her husband and inform him of his wife's affair with you? I don't know if you're brave or crazy, either way, that is NOT your job, it's hers. Is her husband a very big man? My guess is that he'll go ballistic on your a$$. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereToGoFromHere Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Sounds like what you're doing is forcing her to choose you by talking to her H. That's her decision and if you were to have any chance at all at making it as a couple, she'd need to be able to make that commitment all by herself. It would need to be a really big commitment too because it would be a hard road for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I say tell anyway because the husband deserves to know what an unscrupluous betrayer he is married to. for his own sake, he does need to "go away"......or more specifically...."get away" from her. do the man a favor and he might just save himself. Dexter *highfive* My thoughts exactly!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jaspe_Loco Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Hello, It's been awhile since I have posted. However, I wanted some feedback. I decided the other day to tell my MWs husband about our relationship in hopes he would just go away. She has told me before if he would just go away we could be together soon rather than later. Well, I was going to meet him, but she cried and cried and made me feel really bad about what I was going todo, so I didn't do it? She said if I did she would never talk to me again, but she later said she was angry when she said that. None-the-less I backed out and did not talk to him. Do you think I should have went through with it. FYI, recently I asked her to marry me and gave her a ring because I felt it was right and I thought maybe she would leave him based on my offering, but she didn't. I can't stand to walk away from her, to me she is my soulmate. We have been together for 6mo+ now. What would you have done? FYI, she said that I didn't really love her if I told. Logically I know that isn't the case, but emotion always overrides my logic. Thanks, The Other Man First, it's not your place to tell her H. When she's ready (if she's ever ready), she will tell him, or at least find another way out of her marriage. Second, as a MM involved with a MW planning on leaving our spouses in the very near future to be together, giving her a wedding ring and asking her to marry you while she's still married is just beyond effed up. My MW won't get a ring or proposal from me until both of our Ds are final, not would she expect to. As for the overall situation, I can understand that she wishes her H would leave. One of the many things that both my MW and I have in common is that we are total cowards when it comes to dealing with our current spouses. Both of us should have left our spouses long before we met. In my case I did, but like a fool I allowed her to come back. It took almost 3 years before my MW decided that it was time to leave her husband and pursue a relationship with me. I was ready months before, but I never mentioned it. If this girl is truly your soulmate, patience is your best friend. My suggestion is to back off and accept this as what it is... an A. If you can't accept that it's time to walk away and never have an A again. If you can accept it, then maybe she eventually leave her H... maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 It you want to end it, tell her H. They'll stay together & make sure you're out. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 dude, can you think? She doesn't want you she wants her ego trip. You don't propose to someone who is married. She is scared that her H might find out and leave her. Yes you should tell him, man up and do whats right. Stop being her puppy Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Im sorry to post again, but this really amazes me. You do realize that you are not in a real relationship with her right? She is a cake eater, she wants her H but at the same time she is getting perks from you. Tell her H, its the only way you will ever know if she picks you over him. Don't be surprised she has already told him that you are some crazy stalker Link to post Share on other sites
theflagal Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Your soulmate has what they call have your cake and eat it too!!! Did you ever see the movie Animal House. Go tell her ......Eat Me. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) You brought a RING! when she's already MARRIED! wow what a sucka! lol. How can you give her a ring when she's still married? That's insane! why DONT you tell the husband the truth and give him proof of it. and let the chips fall where it may. 6 months. your her soulmate? Is it me or when people are so caught up in the affair they use that word like it means something?! WTF? I think that's really bizarre also. My hubby's brother gave an engagement ring to his girlfriend -- he was separated and had been for about eight years -- but they STILL had not gone through the divorce process after all that time. She showed up last Christmas to the family dinner showing the ring to all of us. I know we all had stressed expressions on our faces. It turned out he had told her the divorce was final already. They are still together a year later, but his divorce is finally going to be complete by the end of the year. As an aside, the girlfriend was also their marriage counselor and counseled them to leave one another. Ummmm........ I don't know that soulmate carries much merit. The use of the term does get rather sickening. In any event, six months -- plus being in an extra-marital affair -- is certainly not enough time to make that determination. I would think just the fact it is an extra-marital affair would make the determination incorrect, but I suppose some do move on to a life of happiness. Just not very many. YOU were going to meet her husband and inform him of his wife's affair with you? I don't know if you're brave or crazy, either way, that is NOT your job, it's hers. I agree. If she cared enough, she'd handle that on her own -- especially if she is planning on leaving her husband anyway. As I have had an affair, I can say that having an affair is a cowardly thing to do. It was certainly not one of my finest moments. So far, she's shown you she's weak enough in her marriage/character to have an affair and weak enough in her relationship with you to choose NOT to tell her husband about the two of you. It was also pretty weak of her to encourage you to tell her husband. She sounds like she could use some counseling. Edited December 5, 2009 by Samantha0905 Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Six months is too soon to know that she is your soul mate for sure. I don't like that she threatened to leave you if you told, then back-peddled when you didn't. She is having her cake and eating it too my friend. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
allthatjazz Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 Soulmate? SOULMATE!!?? I would assume that my soulmate would be someone who, at the very least, reciprocated my true love for him and my desire to be with him (and him alone). Doesn't sound like you're getting either of these. By telling her husband, you're trying to force this relationship. Assume you get your desired outcome (i.e. her husband leaves her)...do you honestly believe that she is going to turn right around to you and offer this amazing, monogamous relationship free of any sort of resentment towards you? If so, I've got some ocean front property in Arizona to go with that shiny new ring. Link to post Share on other sites
whattodonow12 Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 I am not going to laugh and make jokes about the words you are using in your post, but I will say that I agree with everyone else here that has posted. Unfortunately, she appears to be a cake eater. You won't really know until you step back and remove yourself from this situation. Let her know that you are doing this because you do care about her. Then, go NC. Let her work things out in her marriage one way or another. You aren't going to help either one of you by revealing the affair. She needs to handle that with her H. Good luck with everything! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted December 6, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted December 6, 2009 I only hope the OP will not tell the world just how mean things can get on LoveShack.org. Link to post Share on other sites
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