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Really messy situation...


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Old 20th November 2009, 10:33 PM   #1
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Unhappy Really messy situation...

Hi everyone, my name is Eric and I've been on this forum for roughly a month now and I've noticed that the advice given at this forum is really good. I was wondering if anyone would be kind enough to lend some advice to me please...I really don't know what to do I'll shorten the story... thank u so much if you have the time to help!

Last October of 2008 my best friend had a serious stroke and the doctors didn't know if he was going to survive or not. I had a hard time dealing with this, and a coworker (female) saw this and her and I became close. She was in a 5 yr relationship but was not happy at the time, we began going out together, talking on the phone, became intimate and just enjoying each other's company...she really helped a lot. She has cheated on her boyfriend before keep in mind (she always complained about him). We both fell in love with one another and she was going to break up with her boyfriend but something stopped her (his money). Anyways, they lived separately at this time and we were still seeing each other, then she decided to move in with him in March. I took this really bad and it's bad enough I had to work with her every day. We continued to talk (but not hang out one on one as much), she would send me text messages saying how she loves me and misses hanging out etc etc. I currently now have a new job bc i'm changing careers, and we had continued to be "friends" with feelings toward one another but about a month and a half ago a mutual friend at work told me she got engaged. I was heart broken This was at the end of September and we hadn't spoken for 8 weeks...until last weekend. She texted me after 8 wks of NC and told me she was scared to tell me about the engagement and told me that she "misses me", "misses me more than i know", and "wishes she could hang out on my birthday". I responded and told her I want to respect her and the relationship she is in and with me in the picture, I don't foresee you being in a healthy relationship. She surprisingly agreed and said she was seeking closure (i don't believe)...I feel bad though bc I think she wanted a friendship out of it but I said no in around about way. What's your take on this whole messed up situation? THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Eric
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Old 20th November 2009, 10:38 PM   #2
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It is a messed up situation. You've let yourself fall inlove with a woman who has no problem lying and cheating (since she's done it before in the past) and hid her engagement from you (wonder why eh) and now wants friendship after being in NC with you?

RUN..Seriously. This woman is no real true friend to you..If she was, she would not have let anything happen. You would have met her boyfriend/fiance and been a part of THEIR life, not hidden away..

This woman would cheat on you someday, if she did end with him..Because, that's what she knows and she's made NO effort to change her ways. She is good at lying and hiding stuff, it comes naturally to her.

Sorry you're hurting but try to let go and move on. Don't feel guilty about not being her friend! Put yourself first!
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Old 20th November 2009, 10:47 PM   #3
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She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She loves you, but he has more money. You don't want a girl like that.

Security is one thing, but to marry someone she doesn't love just because he can provide a lot of $$$ is just awful. I'd marry a penniless man as long as I loved him.
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Old 20th November 2009, 11:41 PM   #4
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Look, ERic8384, you made a mistake. You got mixed up with someone who was already in a relationship with someone else. That almost always ends badly. Being the OM (or other woman) is almost always a losing proposition. A person in a relationship will almost always pick their current BF/GF over you. Not necessarily because they like them better, but because it is just easier. Never underestimate the lengths people will go to to make things as easy as possible on themselves. Sorry you got hurt. I recommend you break off all contact with this woman and don't repeat your mistake in the future.
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Old 21st November 2009, 6:19 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by window190 View Post
Yeah, right!
But it's true!!!
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Old 21st November 2009, 9:45 AM   #6
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But it's true!!!
I believe you, White Flower. Anyone who would not believe you, is someone who would choose to marry for money over love themselves.

OP, you need to cut your losses with this girl. Nothing about the way she treats you says that she loves you. The only thing that says that is her words, and she has proven to you time and again that her word is not to be trusted.

If she truly loved you, she would rather live in a cardboard house with you, than in a mansion without you. Let her go, and find a woman who is worthy of your time.
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Old 21st November 2009, 10:55 AM   #7
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this girl likes drama! Why don't you ask her to marry you & see what happens? Maybe she thinks he's her only real option?
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Old 21st November 2009, 10:59 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Fallen Angel View Post
I believe you, White Flower. Anyone who would not believe you, is someone who would choose to marry for money over love themselves.

OP, you need to cut your losses with this girl. Nothing about the way she treats you says that she loves you. The only thing that says that is her words, and she has proven to you time and again that her word is not to be trusted.

If she truly loved you, she would rather live in a cardboard house with you, than in a mansion without you. Let her go, and find a woman who is worthy of your time.
Thanks FA, you took the words right outta my mouth
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Old 22nd November 2009, 3:50 PM   #9
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I think that you should thank your lucky stars if this is really over.

As to the sub-convo going on - I disagree that a person that isn't willing to marry a penniless man is only after money. She said "penniless". I would not marry a man in that predicament. He needs to at least have a penny! LOL
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Old 22nd November 2009, 8:25 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by White Flower View Post
She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She loves you, but he has more money. You don't want a girl like that.

Security is one thing, but to marry someone she doesn't love just because he can provide a lot of $$$ is just awful. I'd marry a penniless man as long as I loved him.
Whiteflower -- I agree with you and I believe you.

I would much rather be broke and with the man I love than married to someone I don't love. Ignore Window; that person doesn't know you nor me.

((hug))

For Eric ~ stay away from her. She just wants you around as back up or icing on the cake. Let her go and find someone who can be true to you!
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Old 22nd November 2009, 11:40 PM   #11
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Marry someone I love over money.

Sounds like she loves her boyfriend who is also rich. But she doesn't love the OP he was just a fun fling. She doesn't say she doesn't love her fiance. The OP has just assumed that she was only with him because of his money. How about considering that she is with him and not the OP because she wants to be.

OP, I think you need to realize that she had a brief fling with you, it's over. You got what you wanted. You knew she was involved with this guy. You did it anyway. You lost out. I don't see there is any more to this story than that.
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Old 23rd November 2009, 9:36 AM   #12
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The text you received from her 8 weeks after her engagement,

"she misses you more than you know"...... leads me to suspect that she's trying to keep you on the line as a BBBF: a back-burner boyfriend

There are some women (and men) who need to have their ego stroked
by knowing that someone is still pining over them, even when they've made themselves unavailable.( Plus, it's so comforting to know that so-and-so is waiting in the wings-just in case things don't work out in the
current R.)

It's possible that she falls into this category.Please guard your heart.
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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him ..........think.
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