Does the MM come back from no contact?

[Apple31]

I was in an affair with a MM that ended it for the sake of his kids. He told his wife of the affair (b/c someone else was going to tell her). He said he wanted to try to work on his marriage & said no more contact. I tried one more attempt to contact him, and he said "let's move on and have no more contact"

 

I still have hope. No matter how incredibly crazy/stupid that is, I do. He was waiting to make a decision b/c of circumstances in his life and part of me is still hoping that when that happens he will come back to me.

 

From reading other posts/ stories it seems like after a while most MM do break the no contact.

 

Now I know that if he came back to me I might no longer have these feelings so strong. I also know I am/will be angry that he chose his wife over me. We would have trust issues. The newness could wear off and we would find it wasn't all that with each other. I would regret taking him back. He could leave me again. I know all of these very true & rational things!!!

 

I just am dying at the no contact and wondering if they come back?? Seems like 2-3 months is when they usually do. Probably once they have figured out that working on their M is hard and they miss the A.

 

Judge me as you will.

[2sure]

Your previous post said that your H also found out about the affair and that after the MM decided to work on his marriage...that you told your H you wanted to work on yours.

 

Now you want to know if MM will come back to you.

 

I know you miss the affair and possibly even MM. Thats understandable. But you will get over it more quickly if you either work on your marriage with your husband or work on a divorce.

 

At some point you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that this is not all about you. The other people and their lives , their feelings are just as important as yours.

[herenow]

IMO, you should divorce your H so he can find true love with a woman who really wants to be with him. If you care about your H even a little bit, please tell him that you still want to be with the MM and let him decide if he wants to still be married to you. Even if the MM doesn't want to be with you, your H deserves better.

 

As far as the MM staying with his wife "because of the kids", what "circumstances in his life" is going to make him leave his kids? Unless of course, the "kids" are just the excuse he is telling you because he really does not want to leave his wife. IMO, guys who have affairs do what they want to do and if he wanted to be with you, he would.

 

He did tell you to move on, so maybe that is what you should do. In answer to your post, it sounds to me like this MM isn't coming back. He has been very clear and, IMO, you should listen to him.

[hopeless4u]

My situation is slightly different to you as my MM's children are grown up but he has always broken the NC, we work together so if I manage NC for a week he will arrange meetings at my office (says its to make sure I'm ok)

As for him choosing his wife over you, my MM said it's never been about choosing me or her, its more a case of what his family think of him and the risk of loosing them.

[lori22]

My ex MM and I were on and off he told me the same thing your MM told you obviously he lied to me and his out of the picture for good now,when I run into him he acts as if I don't even exist.

[lovekillsslowly]

Yes...they keep coming back...till they decide they are completely done with you and then there is nothing you can say or do to get them back.

 

So protect yourself and when he comes back....and he will....do not give him another chance or you will find yourself as sad and miserable as I am right now.

 

I wish you the best. Be strong. Love, LKS

[Brokenlady]

Usually they do. It's entirely too much fun to get their rocks off at someone else's expense, they can't resist.

[fooled once]

I was in an affair with a MM that ended it for the sake of his kids. He told his wife of the affair (b/c someone else was going to tell her). He said he wanted to try to work on his marriage & said no more contact. I tried one more attempt to contact him, and he said "let's move on and have no more contact"

 

I still have hope. No matter how incredibly crazy/stupid that is, I do. He was waiting to make a decision b/c of circumstances in his life and part of me is still hoping that when that happens he will come back to me.

 

From reading other posts/ stories it seems like after a while most MM do break the no contact.

 

Now I know that if he came back to me I might no longer have these feelings so strong. I also know I am/will be angry that he chose his wife over me. We would have trust issues. The newness could wear off and we would find it wasn't all that with each other. I would regret taking him back. He could leave me again. I know all of these very true & rational things!!!

 

I just am dying at the no contact and wondering if they come back?? Seems like 2-3 months is when they usually do. Probably once they have figured out that working on their M is hard and they miss the A.

 

Judge me as you will.

 

OMG - you just did a post about wanting to work on your marriage and NOW you are wondering when will he contact you again so you can resume your affair????? Are you kidding me??

 

I dare you to print this out and show your husband. I dare you. Let's see how fast he either moves out or has you move out.

[4everloveu]

Please divorce your H as he deserve a better person in life. If you decided to work on your M than go NC with OM.

[mybrowneyedgirl]

I think this is a valid question. Some of you need to realize that just because you turn to working on your marriage that these questions still pop up in your head.

 

OP - ive posted this exact question. because in the first days after it ended it was a huge thought in my mind. i had to make a split decision in order to save my marriage. meanwhile, my heart was several steps behind my head.

 

for me, wanting to know if he was going to come back or not was not the way some are interpreting this. i needed to know. i needed to be prepared, because i needed to be able to not give in to him if he came back. if i wasnt able to do that, then i had no business even talking to my H. so yes, i wanted to know if most men break NC.

 

as far as the answer. i dont know. mine keeps trying to talk to me, but hes not tried to break NC as far as calls, or emails or texts or seeing each other. He even went as far as to tell me he loves me but didnt imply that he wanted to "do" anything about it. It made it very easy for me to tell him to F*** off and then tell my H about it.

 

but i had prepared myself for this. almost expected it. i dont think you posted this by trying to keep the hope alive that he'll come running back to you. its a valid thought.

[PhoenixRise]

Mbeg

 

Maybe you asked the question because you wanted to be prepared. The OP is asking the question because, according to her, she still has hope that MM will come back to her.

 

The posters here who have said that she only ran back to her H because her MM stayed with his wife have reason to say so based on what she has posted. The posters who are now saying she should just divorce her husband, as apparently she has no intention of being faithful to him according to her original post, have good reason to have that opinion.

 

She will only be faithful for as long as the MM doesn't want her. She is hoping he will change his mind.

 

She doesn't want her H. She should own it and let him go.

[wheelwright]

When I was in the same situation as this poster, I was very messed up. It is normal for us all to walk around with certain values and ideas that are in conflict. It takes a lot of work when you are forced to try to reconcile it all.

 

It takes time, pain, and more time. It is tough.

 

So she doesn't know if she wants xMM or H. Right. That doesn't mean she should leave her H the instant she is yearning for MM. Because the next day, she'll be hating MM and scared to death of losing her H.

 

These contradictions are not going to go away just because the A is over.

 

Don't worry too much if MM will come back or not. Try and work out what you really want (I found this hardest of all). Give yourself time. Be kind to your H.

 

Deal with any future contact with MM when you meet it, and try to feel centred in yourself, not in him or your H.

 

And don't get lured back into the A (horrible for spouses should there be another DDay). You need to make decisions about your M based on its own merits.

 

And be kind to yourself in this state of confusion. It will eventually pass.

[Samantha0905]

When I was in the same situation as this poster, I was very messed up. It is normal for us all to walk around with certain values and ideas that are in conflict. It takes a lot of work when you are forced to try to reconcile it all.

 

It takes time, pain, and more time. It is tough.

 

So she doesn't know if she wants xMM or H. Right. That doesn't mean she should leave her H the instant she is yearning for MM. Because the next day, she'll be hating MM and scared to death of losing her H.

 

These contradictions are not going to go away just because the A is over.

 

Don't worry too much if MM will come back or not. Try and work out what you really want (I found this hardest of all). Give yourself time. Be kind to your H.

 

Deal with any future contact with MM when you meet it, and try to feel centred in yourself, not in him or your H.

 

And don't get lured back into the A (horrible for spouses should there be another DDay). You need to make decisions about your M based on its own merits.

 

And be kind to yourself in this state of confusion. It will eventually pass.

 

Thank you for that post. It helped me to read it. Did you get IC to help you work out what you really wanted?

[NOTSURE7]

i have been in nc for almost 6 months and it was the best thing i ever did for myself and for my marriage, there is no chance i am going back..never/ever

 

my advice to you is to get off the see saw, move on with your life, get over it and try to learn from it...

[Samantha0905]

^^^^^^^^ Nevermind -- I just read your posts here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t209833/

 

It's obvious there's lots of pain all the way around in affairs. Hopefully, it helps to read all the views of people who have been involved in the triangles. In some ways there are similarities in all these situations and it's also helpful to read variances in motivations from people in similar situations.

[jennie-jennie]

My MM wanted 3 months of NC to see if he could make his marriage work. He took farewell of me as if it was forever.

 

He lasted 6 days and had not been able to work on his marriage one bit. He had been in as much pain as I and his thoughts had focused on me not on his marriage.

 

What he realized is that he is not able to work on his marriage as long as he has feelings for me.

[VictoryisMine]

Does the MM come back from no contact?

 

I have heard from weekend flings and one night stands (MM) months later, i suppose long term affairs are guarenteed to keep in touch.

[wheelwright]

Hi Sam0905.

 

So you know my views on counselling then!

 

Having said that, I think it's helpful in working through internal confusion to talk to as many people as possible. You need all the angles. But in the end you have to do it yourself, and for me some of it was just facing reality.

 

Are you OK in your M now?

[Samantha0905]

Hi Sam0905.

 

So you know my views on counselling then!

 

Having said that, I think it's helpful in working through internal confusion to talk to as many people as possible. You need all the angles. But in the end you have to do it yourself, and for me some of it was just facing reality.

 

Are you OK in your M now?

 

After I typed the question, I realized I could just look for some of your former posts.

 

No, not okay. I just made the decision to end the affair and am not even completely moved back home yet. My end of lease (apartment) date is November 30 and I set the movers up for that day. I'm having a hard time even giving up the apartment.

 

I've decided I'm going to work on my marriage and I am, but it's all new and I miss my ex-AP terribly. There were obviously things I loved about being with him (but problems since the relationship was also deceitful) and there are obviously big problems in my marriage (but there's 33 years of history.)

 

Right now it feels like a no win situation, but I at least feel like I'm not hurting my family. I hate hurting my ex-AP and I hate feeling all this hurt myself, but having an affair ends up in people hurting.

 

I need a lifetime supply of Valium.

 

Thanks for asking. I'm sorry for what you've been through.

[fooled once]

Does the MM come back from no contact?

 

I have heard from weekend flings and one night stands (MM) months later, i suppose long term affairs are guarenteed to keep in touch.

 

FA,

 

I disagree. My 2 year affair ended in 1997 and the last I heard from him was 2000 (maybe then, it might have been 1999). So just because an affair is long term, that doesn't mean the players stay in touch.

[tiffyb]

I was in an affair with a MM that ended it for the sake of his kids. He told his wife of the affair (b/c someone else was going to tell her). He said he wanted to try to work on his marriage & said no more contact. I tried one more attempt to contact him, and he said "let's move on and have no more contact"

 

I still have hope. No matter how incredibly crazy/stupid that is, I do. He was waiting to make a decision b/c of circumstances in his life and part of me is still hoping that when that happens he will come back to me.

 

From reading other posts/ stories it seems like after a while most MM do break the no contact.

 

Now I know that if he came back to me I might no longer have these feelings so strong. I also know I am/will be angry that he chose his wife over me. We would have trust issues. The newness could wear off and we would find it wasn't all that with each other. I would regret taking him back. He could leave me again. I know all of these very true & rational things!!!

 

I just am dying at the no contact and wondering if they come back?? Seems like 2-3 months is when they usually do. Probably once they have figured out that working on their M is hard and they miss the A.

 

Judge me as you will.

my husband did the same thing with his girlfriend. they have had no contact since oct 10 2009. if he contacts her again and i found out, i WILL divorce him, he can have her & yes, find out shes not all that. then he will have lost his entire family & i will never look back. is your name christy?

[mybrowneyedgirl]

Tiff I'm wondering what your name is as well!!! My xmm wrote me a NC with his wife about that same date. Hes contacted me over and over again since then - she doesnt know. I hope youre not her!

 

(and no my names not christy)

[crystal_lostheart]

My MM can't go a day without speaking to me....but I can......

He left his W 10 months ago... it hasn't been easy and because of a lot of his stupid, selfish actions, I am now at the point of throwing my hands up and walking away.

 

Be careful what you wish for....