Samarra Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 I'm so ashamed of this, but 2 years ago I was the OW in an emotional affair. We were both working as contractors in Afghanistan at the time - he was married, I was single. It was just a friendship but grew to much, much more. Maybe because of the stress of the environment we both needed something. Anyway, he was having marriage problems (or so he said). I was too young/stupid/naive to realize that he was never going to get a divorce. I said nothing could physically happen as long as he was married, and stuck to it. Anyway, he told me he and his wife were working things out, so we stopped talking as much. It was devastating, and hard for both of us to stay away from each other but we did. Then his wife found copies of old emails and proceeded to harrass and stalk me, even though I told her nothing was going on. He told her he never had any feelings for me, etc. Anyway, we haven't spoken since that. But I still think about him way too often. I guess what's hard is that I never really got any closure on the relationship at all. I've sort of moved on, but I haven't really felt like dating since then. We had such a connection - I can't imagine anything like it again. So my question I guess is - was it real? Did he really care or was I just convenient? Do you think he thinks about me as much as I think about him? I know there's no way to know, but dammit I just wish I knew if he ever cared. And how the heck do I move on? Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 I felt the same way 10 yrs ago when I had my affiar with a MM. No, it's not real! When time past for me, I was like "What was I thinking" and was totally turned off by the guy I was with. At the time, I thought he was my world. He was just another married liar! How do you move on? You make the choice and do it Link to post Share on other sites
JumpinJimmy Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 S, you're situation is a classic. You see, if you read these threads in the infidelity/OM/OW forums, you will see that 90% of the men, whether single or married, get into an affair for the PA part of it. The EA part, which most men could care less about, are just a means to an end. Once your guy realized he was never going to get it until he was divorced, moved on. Too you I am sure the EA part is even stronger than a PA,thus very real, but not to him. From being an OM, I told my MW whatever it is I thought she wanted to hear, and once I sealed the deal, I just strung her along. I would say no, he never really cared. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Your feelings were real, but he is probably trying to use the fact that he didn't sleep with you to justify telling his W that you meant nothing to him - as in, no affair took place. Thing is, feelings can be real watching a scary movie - doesn't make the movie a real event. Our feelings frequently trick us into believing things that just aren't true. I'm not saying this about your situation. I'm saying this about the feelings you had. They aren't attached to anything anymore. Let them pass, like you would have if you were watching that thriller. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Lets face it...this guy strung you along trying to bed you. Didn't happen. He moved on. No big deal for him...just another chick he "almost" nailed. Use it. Be angry. And...be happy...you stood your ground. Held to boundaries. I'm sorry he led you on...let it go...you dodged a bullet...trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
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