Kitten.Pie Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I put this in the "Cheating" section, but I think it belongs here... This guy I really like has a girlfriend, who just happens to be my friend. Last month he broke up with her and me and him had a little thing for about a month. A couple weeks ago they got back together. I let him go, since they were together a long time so i thought it was great they had a second chance. It seemed like it was going well, until last night... He came over to my house with a couple friends and we all got pretty drunk. He ended up staying over night... We fooled around, coming very close to having sex, but didn't. Today we got up and hung out until about three in the afternoon, then he went home. We didn't talk about what happened. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just pretend it never happened, write it off as a dumb drunken night.... Or talk to him about it and see what's up, or...? He cheated with me, and I think he girlfriend, my friend, should know... I don't want to be the one to tell her, though. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I think she has a right to know that her FRIEND cheated her as well as her boyfriend. But unless you want to tell her because you really are remorseful and will NEVER let anything like that happen again, then i wouldn't do it. If you think you may repeat the action and you are only telling her because you want to try and break them up, then don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 FA is absolutely right. She should know that not only did her boyfriend betray her, but you, her friend, did as well. Double betrayal sucks and BOTH you and him are totally at fault. Anyway, don't spend anymore alone time with him, let alone drink with him..Sorry to be harsh, but you two can't be trusted alone. I don't want to be the one to tell her, though. Please help! Why don't you want to be the one to tell her? Because you're scared of her reaction? Afraid of losing her friendship? It's too bad this thought didn't occur to you before you fooled around with him while he was back with her..Again, sorry to be harsh, but if you truly are sorry, own up to what you've done and make it right again - With her and cut her boyfriend out of your life completely. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Does your friend know you hooked up with this guy after they broke up? If so, she probably won't be surprised to find out you hooked up with him again. If not, then you've already been lying to her for a month. Basically, you are NOT her friend - you certainly aren't acting like it. If you tell her, she'll probably break up with this loser. And stop being your friend. Which would be the best thing for her, really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitten.Pie Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 I don't want to tell her because I care more about him than I do her.... If I had the chance, I'd be with him in a heartbeat. That's how this whole thing happend pretty much. I only call her my friend because that's how I act around her. I actually don't really like her... She cheated on him before when they were together. I'm not saying that for any excuse to make him cheating okay, I'm just saying that for more information on the situation. It's more of I want to be with him, but she is in the way. I don't want to be a homewreckor, I'm not like that... But I like him so much... I was almost done getting over him, then this happened... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I don't want to tell her because I care more about him than I do her.... If I had the chance, I'd be with him in a heartbeat. Then I almost feel sorry for you. He's already shown you what kind of loser he is - the kind that will cheat on his girlfriend with her friend and lie to her about it. If he'll do it to her, then he's perfectly capable of doing it to you...and eventually will. In fact, he already has treated you like crap. He hooked up with you, and then dumped you to go back to her. And then he came to your bed again to try for more. He's already used you and is still using you - can't you see that? Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I don't want to tell her because I care more about him than I do her.... If I had the chance, I'd be with him in a heartbeat. That's how this whole thing happend pretty much. I only call her my friend because that's how I act around her. I actually don't really like her... She cheated on him before when they were together. I'm not saying that for any excuse to make him cheating okay, I'm just saying that for more information on the situation. It's more of I want to be with him, but she is in the way. I don't want to be a homewreckor, I'm not like that... But I like him so much... I was almost done getting over him, then this happened... I assure you she is not holding him in the relationship at gunpoint. The fact is, he is there because he wants to be. You like him more, but HE LIKES HER MORE! I am not saying that to be cruel, just trying to be honest so you know where you stand. If you will be happy being the other woman then do that, but as someone who is the other woman I assure you it is nothing but constant heartache and being alone. Not something I wish on anyone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 SO, you want to tell her to make sure she dumps him and then he'll be yours.. Go ahead and do that..You'll lose her, not that you really care since the friendship is totally fake and insincere - But you'll probably lose him as well, as he'll HATE you for throwing him under the bus. If you truly love him and want to be with him, then go about your own life, forget about him and then if he becomes free one day, then ask him out. The thing is, he's a cheater and you know this through firsthand experience.. Don't know how trust is going to work between you two..And, he's going to look at you as someone who has no problem being with someone who's taken already too. Goes both ways.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitten.Pie Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 SO, you want to tell her to make sure she dumps him and then he'll be yours.. That's exactly why I DON'T want to tell her. That's not what I want, and I know it wouldn't work that way if I told her. And I already realized all the stuff about once a cheater, always a cheater.... I just want help on deciding if I should ask him about last night or pretend it didn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 That's exactly why I DON'T want to tell her. That's not what I want, and I know it wouldn't work that way if I told her. And I already realized all the stuff about once a cheater, always a cheater.... I just want help on deciding if I should ask him about last night or pretend it didn't happen. ask him what about it? You already know exactly what happened, you were both there, and I would be willing to bet you both pretended to be more drunk than you really were to give yourself the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on when you get busted. Keep in mind by the way that the "I was drunk so it doesn't count" excuse doesn't work in a court of law, and usually not with a betrayed friend or partner either. So what do you want to know? if he is going to choose you now? The answer is no, he left your bed and went to hers.... I seriously think you need to get as far away from both of them as possible and stay away! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 It's more of I want to be with him, but she is in the way. No, he's chosen her over you and sorry, but you have to accept it and move on. If he had deep feelings for you, he would not have got back together with her after the break up. He obviously likes you, but not in the way you want him to - Relationship wise.. That's exactly why I DON'T want to tell her. That's not what I want, and I know it wouldn't work that way if I told her. You don't want him by default. I think deep down you know the real answer. Anyway, do not mention it, don't bring it up and if HE does, then tell him its' pointless to discuss, that he has a girlfriend and let HIM know that what happened (drunken sex) isn't going to happen ever again. If you don't tell him this, he will just see you as someone who is willing and able to have sex with him whenever he wants. Don't be second fiddle..He isn't offering you anything long term or stable. Just sex, and you're better than that. So, pretend it didn't happen until/if he brings it up. Link to post Share on other sites
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