Online Relationship

[DisturbedGirl3]

Okay so here is my problem/dilemna.

 

I play an online game and have made tons among tons of friends on this game. Some I have even had the pleasure of meeting in person. There is this one guy who I've spoken to for quite some time now, who was my go to person at some point, when I had difficulty in my last relationship. He was always there to listen, and his answer was always "just be honest". He never stepped over the line, never gave me reason to think he wasn't a truly genuine person. And for me that's very easy to spot being from New York.. we tend to have a sixth sense about bad guys or people lol.

 

The low down on this guy is.. he's married with 2 children. And it's only been as of lately .. that I have actually been opened up to his own situation at home. His wife has a part time job working at the kids school and her work day ends at 12 noon. He works as an injuneer for the railroad and his job takes him away for many hours through out the week. She works extra hours without pay.. she's a great mother.. but come time at the end of the night when the kids are in bed.. when the couple should spend there quality time together when he's home.. she takes a pill and goes to sleep. So thats when he plays the game and me and a few friends keep occupied having fun and such. I recently learned.. they haven't had sex in months... they barely show any passion or I dont know the word.. but unless he initiates it.. there's no hugs no kissing no nothing. they've done the marriage counseling and was told they have to work at it .. to make it work. He's tried.. but she seems to be in her own world... and obviously I will never know why.

 

He is a great guy in my opinion. Great dad.. great supporter and has A LOT of love to show and give. And we've developed a bond. We like the same things, we think on the same level, we finish each other sentences.. it's like the ULTIMATE guy/girl relationship any woman would want. We've seen each other over webcam. Nothing sexual.. just being able to see each other laugh and joke and just talk. And it's the best feeling I've felt in a long time.

 

We want to meet.. but his work doesn't take him out of state (which is clear across the US). He can take the time off.. but between the kids.. the wife.. and his parents being in his life so closely.. it's hard to even think of a reason for him to get away. I swore I would never get myself involved in something like this.. but here I am.. and oh my god.. I'm in way too deep at this point to back out now. He's mentioned about a separation from his wife once before ... obviously they got back together.. but now I think that I have opened his eyes to the point that he doesn't have to just sit there and hope one day that his wife will turn around and love him again the way she did years ago. We've found in each other.. if not best friends.. but maybe more? And cannot do a thing about it.. because there is just nothing that can be thought of.. for a reason for him to come out to where I live.

 

He's thought about the divorce many many times.. which would solve the whole problem and would have no reason not to come out here.. but his fear of what would happen to his kids and how they would take the whole situation mentally.. bothers him on a daily basis. I can't imagine how they would feel if there parents went through a divorce but at the same time I've told him.. that he cannot just put his own happyness on a shelf either. Because kids are smart enough to pick up on that.. and it could effect them even greater down the line as well.

 

I need some advice. I want to help him.. but at the same time.. I want to be there for him and not just be a friend to him. What do I do?

[whattodonow12]

What you need to do is just wait! Do not engage in an affair with him. Do not fly across the country to him.. not a thing. If he is the real deal, then let him work things out on his end. Let him decide whether he wants to really stay married or not, and let him decide what is best for his family (especially the kids). This is a complete set up for heartache all the way around. Stop it before it begins and let things happen the proper way. If it is meant to be, then it will be.

 

Just my opinion.... unfortunately, coming from experience.

[fooled once]

Okay so here is my problem/dilemna.

 

I play an online game and have made tons among tons of friends on this game. Some I have even had the pleasure of meeting in person. There is this one guy who I've spoken to for quite some time now, who was my go to person at some point, when I had difficulty in my last relationship. He was always there to listen, and his answer was always "just be honest". He never stepped over the line, never gave me reason to think he wasn't a truly genuine person. And for me that's very easy to spot being from New York.. we tend to have a sixth sense about bad guys or people lol.

 

The low down on this guy is.. he's married with 2 children. And it's only been as of lately .. that I have actually been opened up to his own situation at home. His wife has a part time job working at the kids school and her work day ends at 12 noon. He works as an injuneer for the railroad and his job takes him away for many hours through out the week. She works extra hours without pay.. she's a great mother.. but come time at the end of the night when the kids are in bed.. when the couple should spend there quality time together when he's home.. she takes a pill and goes to sleep. So thats when he plays the game and me and a few friends keep occupied having fun and such. I recently learned.. they haven't had sex in months... they barely show any passion or I dont know the word.. but unless he initiates it.. there's no hugs no kissing no nothing. they've done the marriage counseling and was told they have to work at it .. to make it work. He's tried.. but she seems to be in her own world... and obviously I will never know why.

 

He is a great guy in my opinion. Great dad.. great supporter and has A LOT of love to show and give. And we've developed a bond. We like the same things, we think on the same level, we finish each other sentences.. it's like the ULTIMATE guy/girl relationship any woman would want. We've seen each other over webcam. Nothing sexual.. just being able to see each other laugh and joke and just talk. And it's the best feeling I've felt in a long time.

 

We want to meet.. but his work doesn't take him out of state (which is clear across the US). He can take the time off.. but between the kids.. the wife.. and his parents being in his life so closely.. it's hard to even think of a reason for him to get away. I swore I would never get myself involved in something like this.. but here I am.. and oh my god.. I'm in way too deep at this point to back out now. He's mentioned about a separation from his wife once before ... obviously they got back together.. but now I think that I have opened his eyes to the point that he doesn't have to just sit there and hope one day that his wife will turn around and love him again the way she did years ago. We've found in each other.. if not best friends.. but maybe more? And cannot do a thing about it.. because there is just nothing that can be thought of.. for a reason for him to come out to where I live.

 

He's thought about the divorce many many times.. which would solve the whole problem and would have no reason not to come out here.. but his fear of what would happen to his kids and how they would take the whole situation mentally.. bothers him on a daily basis. I can't imagine how they would feel if there parents went through a divorce but at the same time I've told him.. that he cannot just put his own happyness on a shelf either. Because kids are smart enough to pick up on that.. and it could effect them even greater down the line as well.

 

I need some advice. I want to help him.. but at the same time.. I want to be there for him and not just be a friend to him. What do I do?

 

he is married.

 

He is married.

 

He is married.

 

You honestly know nothing about this man. He is a typer behind a computer screen.

 

Do you really think he is going to tell you he has mind blowing sex with his wife when he is trying to start a relationship at home? You do know that he is probably lying. Why would he tell you he made love to his wife that afternoon? Why would he tell you the HONEST truth about his family?

 

Have you ever had 2 little kids and a job; besides being a wife and mother? It is EXHAUSTING. I am sure that after the kids are in bed, her first thoughts are to go to sleep so she can recharge for the next day. Parenting is hard and demanding. I can attest to that. I watched the clock until bedtime so I could have some "me" time and many times, that included going to bed at 8:30 pm.

 

He is a great guy in my opinion. Great dad.. great supporter and has A LOT of love to show and give. And we've developed a bond. We like the same things, we think on the same level, we finish each other sentences.. it's like the ULTIMATE guy/girl relationship any woman would want. We've seen each other over webcam. Nothing sexual.. just being able to see each other laugh and joke and just talk. And it's the best feeling I've felt in a long time.

 

How do you know he is a great dad? Because he tells you? How do you finish each others sentences on a computer screen?

 

You are lonely. He has picked up on that. He wants an ego boost to feel sexy again.

 

Believe it or not, sometimes marriages can be hard work. Sometimes couples go days without sex, especially when there are little kids.

 

How much does he help around the house? One of the biggest turns for married women is a husband who does the dishes, takes out the trash without having to be reminded. You said he is gone many hours throughout the week -- so the wife is a fulltime mom and part time dad in addition to working and taking care of all the home responsibilities.

 

I'm in way too deep at this point to back out now.

 

No you aren't. You haven't even met him. And did I say already - HE IS MARRIED. You have no choice BUT to back out.

 

Do you really think he is going to throw away his family, his security, his future on someone he met playing a game online? He isn't.

 

He wants his ego stroked. You are doing that.

 

The BEST thing you can do for this BEST friend?? Back off. Tell him to work on his family and wish him the best and stop contacting him. He isn't going to be what you need. You need an in-the-flesh person, not a guy on the internet that lives across the country.

 

Kids do survive divorce. Happens every day.

 

I know you like this guy, but it is leading NO WHERE. His job right now is to be the BEST parent and BEST husband he can be and he can't do that with you there wanting more. And unfortunately, his kids DO come first; before his 'happiness'. His happiness should be in being the best dad he can be. When you have kids, your 'needs' become back burner to the kids needs. They need a father engaged in the family, not someone who wants them to get to bed so he can go online and talk to his new female friend.

 

He is married. He is married. He is married. Let him go and find someone single who lives in your area. I would be willing to bet you can find someone. You are just very vulnerable right now and he knows it and he is feeding you all kinds of lines. Wish him a happy life and end this emotional affair before his wife finds out, which could destroy his family. I don't think you would want that; because I can bet you if that happened, he would not hop a plane to where you are. What kind of father moves that far away from his young kids for a girl he met online? Not a very good one.

 

Let him go.

[scatterd]

I could not of said that better fooled once.

[DisturbedGirl3]

He wasn't planning on moving actually. His job wouldn't let him.

 

As far as how I know he's a good dad and husband, because when he is home, he lets wifey stay home to relax and he takes the kids to soccer games, and gymnastics, and football games. He does what needs to be done for his kids from the minute he gets home from work.

 

And as far as the happyness on the back burner.. its true. He's told me that's what he's been doing for years is putting them first before everyone including himself. Of course parenting is hard.. who ever said it wasn't? But... for two people to go on everyday as if they are like roomates for the sake of kids, that I don't get. If the parents aren't happy the kids will never be and can definitely suffer emotionally for it.

 

Now granted, I would love nothing more for him to be happy even if it wasn't with me because we've become good friends.. but at the same time.. both people have to want the marriage to work.. for it to work.. and with both there work schedules.. and there life revolving around what the kids need to do next that will never work/happen.

 

We don't type to each other through the computer to finish each other's sentences. We talk on voice through messengers.

 

I don't plan on flying anywhere.. I've already told him that if he was in anyway shape of form serious about even meeting me, he'd have to do it not me. I've been there done that, and wont do that again. I love to travel, so that's not a problem for me but I'm done doing the chasing. I've also told him, that as much as his words can overwhlem me with great warmth and feelings.. that it's very hard to understand how he can say those things to me.. and yet still not have the nerve to tell his wife how he really feels and lay next to her in bed everynight. So I'm not nieve.. if that makes any sense

[fooled once]

He wasn't planning on moving actually. His job wouldn't let him.

 

As far as how I know he's a good dad and husband, because when he is home, he lets wifey stay home to relax and he takes the kids to soccer games, and gymnastics, and football games. He does what needs to be done for his kids from the minute he gets home from work.

 

And as far as the happyness on the back burner.. its true. He's told me that's what he's been doing for years is putting them first before everyone including himself. Of course parenting is hard.. who ever said it wasn't? But... for two people to go on everyday as if they are like roomates for the sake of kids, that I don't get. If the parents aren't happy the kids will never be and can definitely suffer emotionally for it.

 

Now granted, I would love nothing more for him to be happy even if it wasn't with me because we've become good friends.. but at the same time.. both people have to want the marriage to work.. for it to work.. and with both there work schedules.. and there life revolving around what the kids need to do next that will never work/happen.

 

We don't type to each other through the computer to finish each other's sentences. We talk on voice through messengers.

 

I don't plan on flying anywhere.. I've already told him that if he was in anyway shape of form serious about even meeting me, he'd have to do it not me. I've been there done that, and wont do that again. I love to travel, so that's not a problem for me but I'm done doing the chasing. I've also told him, that as much as his words can overwhlem me with great warmth and feelings.. that it's very hard to understand how he can say those things to me.. and yet still not have the nerve to tell his wife how he really feels and lay next to her in bed everynight. So I'm not nieve.. if that makes any sense

 

My point was you have no idea what is going on in their marriage. You have no idea if she isn't working on the marriage. You are only hearing HIS side of the story. You are hearing what a man who is engaging in an emotional affair on his wife is saying. I bet if his wife knew how much you two were talking and what you were saying, she wouldn't be very happy with him.

 

He is cheating on his wife and his family. He is engaging in behavior that is not very becoming.

 

He is obviously not working on the marriage if he is having an emotional affair with you.

 

He is telling you things to make you feel bad for him, to make you want to give him things that his wife, according to him, isn't giving him.

 

I know you want to think your situation is different, but I am betting it isn't.

 

Like I said, the best thing you can do for him, and for you, is to let him go.

[LexiB]

I'm in way too deep at this point to back out now.

 

Seriously? Because it doesn't seem like it. From what you've written, you guys haven't even spoken on the phone, you've never met, he lives on the other side of the country and - drum roll please - he's married. What exactly are you deep into? Shut off the webcam and let him work on his marriage.

 

Honestly, the circumstances could not be MORE in your favor for AVOIDING what could result in a nasty situation.

[Meaplus3]

he is married.

 

He is married.

 

He is married.

 

You honestly know nothing about this man. He is a typer behind a computer screen.

 

 

My thoughts exacty! Now I have a question. What do you expect to gain from this online relationship with a Married Man? Think about it!

 

Mea:)

[LucreziaBorgia]

Tell him you respect his advice about honesty, and that you think it would be beneficial if you, he and his wife got together and talked openly and honestly about the future that you and he have together, and what would be best for their children in terms of acclimating them to a divorce and dad's new girlfriend.

 

Think that will fly?

 

I doubt his wife even knows about these 'problems', and nearly all of what he has told you is fabricated.

 

You want to know the truth? Insist on talking to his wife one-on-one. You'll see right away from his reaction where your relationship with him is going.

[Lucky_One]

"As far as how I know he's a good dad and husband, because when he is home, he lets wifey stay home to relax and he takes the kids to soccer games, and gymnastics, and football games."

 

I know you aren't naive and all, but I suspect his wife is at the soccer games and football games with him and their kids. That's sort of what involved moms do.

[whichwayisup]

1)He's married, 2)with kids 3)It's online/phone so you only know what he's telling you, and chances are he's lying to you. Alot!

 

What good can come of this? Do you really believe this guy is going to give up EVERYTHING in his life for someone he really doesn't know? Never met? You think he's going to give up friends, family, his kids, wife, the life he knows all for someone he's flirting with and having some fun on the side? Sorry, and I know you feel alot for him and it feels real to you..But your fantasy is just that..Fantasy.. It's an online affair and he isn't going to change anything to make it different.

 

Get out and meet men in the real world, face to face..Forget this online guy, it'll just hurt you in the long run.