erica331 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Met MM almost 4 years ago. We met on an adult dating site...both M at the time and wanting something more. He said he was a virgin until he married at 27, was faithful up until getting on that site. He had met two other women, but it didn't work out. I ended up separating, not due to A...just alot of other things. We had a PA immediately, he was so very attentive, sweet, etc. Two months into the A he told me that he loved me. Two weeks later, he told me that he didn't love me. It was a mistake for him to say that, he didn't have the ability to love two women at once, blah blah. He couldn't do PA because he was ridden with guilt and that we could only be friends, but wouldn't really stick with that. He began to pull back, became very distant, would break up. We'd go NC, then he'd come back...only to do this again. After 2 1/2 years, it became extreme turmoil. I was holding onto him like crazy, he became cruel...hoping I'd just go away. February 2008 I called his W, didn't have the guts to tell her everything...but told her that I needed to talk to her about her H. She asked if he was having an A...I told her that she needed to talk to him and hung up. I spoke with him briefly a couple of times after that. He basically told her that I was a woman that he met and I became obsessed and wanted him to sleep with me. After that, I left a message on her voicemail telling her more details. That he had others before me. She had trust issues with him before we met already. She caught him on that adult dating website that I spoke of earlier. I guess things cooled down, he got back on and found me. We went one year NC after I told W. I was going on about my life. In April of this year...he calls, says he wants to tell me something and asks if my email address is still active. Two days later he sends me an email telling me how bad he missed me, that he wants to be in my life...it wasn't by any means a romantic email...but he was telling me basically that when the love word came into the R is when it went downhill. He starts pursuing me very hard...again. I fall into the trap, meet him at his lakehouse for a weekend of romance...he cooks me dinner, flowers, just totally being himself again. Then, back to distance. I'm still trying to hang on...knowing full well that he's backed off again and did the same thing to me. I've asked him repeatedly why he would come back after me telling his W only to play the same games with me again. He said he thought he could handle it. Now we're back to he just wants to remain friends..has no romantic feelings towards me because he can't, etc. I try working with that until a couple of weeks ago. Alot of times, he'd text me...but this time I texted him. I could tell he was being distant...more so than normal. I call him, he told me that it wasn't a good idea for us to talk that day. I pushed the issue as to what was wrong. He informed me that they are on the verge of separation and that's his TOTAL focus and that I need to go away and give him space. He will not give me details as to what happened, but that it was a total breakdown of the M and that it had SOME to do with the A...but that wasn't the main thing. It was alot of things. I didn't handle him treating me this way, and got angry with him. I am so sick of the push/pull game. Hell, I don't even know if he's telling me the truth or not. I have not called her again...probably won't. He says he told her everything...he may be calling my bluff, hoping I won't call. It infuriates me to think he's home kissing his wife's a$$...while I get totally blown off and have to take this pain alone without him having to suffer the consequences. That's it in a nutshell...needless to say...I'm an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Sounds like he IS in the midst of suffering consequences of his actions. Finally. Because cheaters don't change for long until it is them that suffer the consequences of their infidelity. While it only affects other people - his wife, family, you...they just really dont see the harm or at least not enough to stop. It sounds like, from your description of the ad he had and the other women he met...that there were probably more. Some affair happen by accident , like with a co-worker. But when someone has ads on the internet, its serial cheater behavior. So, your A with him was just part of the problem. And now he is caught big time, with his wife trying to get out, and him trying desperately to stay. Thats just the way they are. Dont be hard on yourself that were you manipulated, after all - think of the gaslighting he had to do with his wife all this time. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Erica I wonder if you would ever in a million years put up with this kind of behavior if it was a single man treating you this way? Your mm has been caught cheating again by his wife. Maybe she found evidence of your renewed contact with her H but I think it is likely that she found evidence of some other OW since your MM wouldn't give you any details. When things cool off with his W, he will be back. He can only break your spirit if you let him. Link to post Share on other sites
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