theotherguy Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I' married with a 4yr old. I had an ex girlfriend find mt on facebook about 7months ago. We dated briefly about 18yrs ago. She broke it off to stay with her boyfriend when he found out about us. Wewran into each other about 3yrs later and couldn't keep our hand off each other. It was 3 weeks before her wedding to the same guy. So she finds me on facebook, we start talking over IM and some on the phone. Talking about when we were together in the past and all kinds of stuff. So we meet for lunch and ending up having oral in the car. We just feel right back into it. It felt so good. Then we start meeting once a week for lunch and then we started to get fully intermite. But there is alot of feelings. We feel in love too. We get along so good on so many levels. so now after 6mths it's bothering her to be with me then go home to her husband and 4 kids. She hates the sneaking around we have to do to be together. She says she can't leave him because of the kids. She would rather be with me but her kids come first. I get that. So it all came to an end last Thursday. So I told her to take care and wished her the best. But she text me last night asking if we can talk because she doesn't like the way it ended. I'm pretty confused here. I'm happier with her than my wife. But, I have a security with my wife and we get along just fine. Do I tell this ex to pound sand or talk to her which could lead us back into this relationship. Thanks confused Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 You love your wife more than you think. If you didn't you wouldn't be here looking for our input. Here's what I think you should do, at least what I think the right thing to do: 1. Close your FB account. 2. Send your Ex a NC email, IM, whatever. Short but simple. "I've decided to work on fixing my marriage. Don't contact me ever again, as I shall never contact you" Simple, nothing more, nothing less. 3. Never contact your Ex, do not accept any solicitations for contact from her 4. (this one is the hardest) Tell your wife everything that's been going on. 5. Get yourself into MC and IC. #4 is the hardest, but your wife will ensure that you abide by #3. Your wife will be devistated, but if she loves you she will forgive you and your marriage can be saved. If your relationship with your Ex continues, I'm not so sure your wife will be so forgiving. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 oh my goodness, TOM! Why are you putting your marriage on the line for a woman who is soooooo wishy-washy....THINK! This is a woman who has you on her beck and call-in different points in her life. What is the matter with you? Tell this woman you are no longer going to be available to her as her play thing. Do you not get it? You are not good enough for her to make you a permanent/public part of her life. End the relationship and close your FB account. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 This posts makes me lean toward once a cheater always a cheater. You and she didn't grow or mature in your current relationships. Maybe you should be together, it might save a world of hurt for others out there. How would you feel if your W did the exact same thing with an old lover? Would you be fine with her saying you are secure with with but she likes the other guy better? I am sure you wouldn't mind...right? What's good for you and the "confused" ow should be good for you wife and even ow's husband. If this woman was so into you, why didn't she leave her BF when she was busted the first time for the person she was in love with...you?:confused:Me thinks she just likes winkies and her H isn't ready to kick her to the curb yet. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 why do people keep screwing old boyfriends/girlfriends??? If you have such longing for these former relationships; why get involved with someone else and then cheat on them and screw THEIR lives up??? OP - confess to your wife, dump the ex girlfriend (what a loser she is) and get some counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Otherguy. Is it ever going to happen again? Are you ever going to let it happen again? It makes a difference. My advice will depend on how you answer. Life is not absolute. You have choices to make. Link to post Share on other sites
JumpinJimmy Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Tom, here is another thing to consider. In a marriage, your spouse comes first, and the children second. The children are only around for a few years in a LT marriage, and when the kids are gone, it is just you and the wife. You already know what the OW thinks....the choice is pretty obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
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