Enough Said! Am going NC today, I hope I persevere!

[pikachu67]

Hi all,

 

It's been a while since i last posted here. I am tired of playing 2nd fiddle, i am tired of getting the shorter end of the stick despite him telling me he loves me the most. Sometimes I think it is all BS! Other times i really feel he means it and see his sincerity. WTF!!!

 

Well after weeks of fighting, getting back together and on and off again, today is the day, i am going to start NC. All this while, I had been the one to reconcile with him, to pacify him, to convince him we have too much to just give up everything. I am tired of feeling like I am always in the wrong, tired of fighting, tired of having to say sorry for my feelings and getting him angry, tired of being told i wasnt understanding enough of his situation as a MM, that i must compromise when he cant see me or call me, that i cant feel sad and disappointed because he will fly into a rage to blame me for not being understanding.

 

Enough ok! i have written him so many smses to his mobile with no replies. Called him but he refused to pick up. Trying to make him understand that what he's doing hurts me so much and hoping he will understand me instead but to no avail! He just wants to have his way. Maybe he's hoping i will walk out on my own to save him the trouble of calling it quits himself so that he doesnt feel guilty.

 

I will go NC today. I need all your support, i have never done this, the longest was only 2 days and i rang him back, how pathetic. I dont want to call him or send him mails anymore like i used to after the fights. I just dont want to initiate any reconciliation anymore. I figured if I mattered to him, he would come back for me. Well, let's see! For now, I really wished i could yell at him using all vulgarities i can find, shake him and tell him to stop being so selfish!!!! I am so angry! I want to see him beg me to stay, of course, it's a risk i have to take but better to know now than later right??? God! I hate myself being subjected to this and i blame myself for allowing it to happen but i want to hurt him back the way he did me and hope he will realise what an ******* he's been! Feel like slapping myself sometimes too....any advice, anyone? Does this NC thing normally bring positive outcome or will the relationship die most of the time as a result of NC initiated by the OW? Thanks for hearing me out, I appreciate any advice and support I can get but dont hurl hurtful remarks at me ok? I am really suffering here. Thanks....

[Lucky_One]

IMHO, NC should be put into effect for you and for your health and healting. NOT to make him behave in a certain way. It isn't a punishment.

 

And to be perfectly honest, a man who flies into a rage when you express your feelings or a man who has to be convinced that you two have too much together to be apart is NOT a man who is going to be manipulated by the NC that you are talking about.

 

If you go into NC knowing in the most secret part of your heart that you really don't WANT NC, then you will fail at it. And if you ever break up with him because of his behavior or treatment of you and then return to him and beg him to continue the EMA, then he knows that you will accept any treatment of yourself for the future.

[StoptheDrama]

LuckyOne is right - NC is about YOU healing yourself and moving on, not about trying to change your MM. If you are honestly tired of playing 2nd fiddle and want to move on then NC is the best way. But you have to do it for YOU; it's not about him. Otherwise you are playing the same type of manipulative game it sounds like has been playing with you and you will end up with same result - right back where you started in an unfulfilling EMA.

 

Unfortunately you will most likely not change your MM's behaviour no matter what you do. It's up to him to want to change. You can't make someone feel more for you than they do.

[sugarmomma]

Hi all,

 

It's been a while since i last posted here. I am tired of playing 2nd fiddle, i am tired of getting the shorter end of the stick despite him telling me he loves me the most. Sometimes I think it is all BS! Other times i really feel he means it and see his sincerity. WTF!!!

 

Well after weeks of fighting, getting back together and on and off again, today is the day, i am going to start NC. All this while, I had been the one to reconcile with him, to pacify him, to convince him we have too much to just give up everything. I am tired of feeling like I am always in the wrong, tired of fighting, tired of having to say sorry for my feelings and getting him angry, tired of being told i wasnt understanding enough of his situation as a MM, that i must compromise when he cant see me or call me, that i cant feel sad and disappointed because he will fly into a rage to blame me for not being understanding.

 

Enough ok! i have written him so many smses to his mobile with no replies. Called him but he refused to pick up. Trying to make him understand that what he's doing hurts me so much and hoping he will understand me instead but to no avail! He just wants to have his way. Maybe he's hoping i will walk out on my own to save him the trouble of calling it quits himself so that he doesnt feel guilty.

 

I will go NC today. I need all your support, i have never done this, the longest was only 2 days and i rang him back, how pathetic. I dont want to call him or send him mails anymore like i used to after the fights. I just dont want to initiate any reconciliation anymore. I figured if I mattered to him, he would come back for me. Well, let's see! For now, I really wished i could yell at him using all vulgarities i can find, shake him and tell him to stop being so selfish!!!! I am so angry! I want to see him beg me to stay, of course, it's a risk i have to take but better to know now than later right??? God! I hate myself being subjected to this and i blame myself for allowing it to happen but i want to hurt him back the way he did me and hope he will realise what an ******* he's been! Feel like slapping myself sometimes too....any advice, anyone? Does this NC thing normally bring positive outcome or will the relationship die most of the time as a result of NC initiated by the OW? Thanks for hearing me out, I appreciate any advice and support I can get but dont hurl hurtful remarks at me ok? I am really suffering here. Thanks....

 

 

I went back and read your other posts about this situation and you have really gotten yourself into a mess with this guy.

 

Now you are stalking him to tell him how much he has hurt you. How about you stop holding him responsible for your pain and do something about it?

 

Your reason for NC is totally off the mark. NC is not to get the other person to come back. NC is to get out of the situation completely and regain control over you life, which you are indesperate need of.

 

I would suggest...

 

• Close all your email accounts
  
• Change your phone number
  
• Move to another part of town if possible
  
• DO NOT SPEAK TO HIM EVER AGAIN!!
  
• Go through the pain of getting over him because it will be much less than the pain of staying with him.
  
• Get into counseling ASAP!
  
• Stay out of relationships until you heal from this.
  

Pik, this guy is stringing you along. He is unavailable to love you or his W. Anyway, I digress, since this is about YOU.

 

Check out this link. This woman is amazing when it comes to the mind of an unavailable man. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.

 

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/advice-why-her-and-not-me-the-other-woman-gone-very-wrong/

[Mino]

NC is about reclaiming your sanity! Good Luck!

[fooled once]

I too went and read the few posts you have written.

 

You have "had enough" of him since April yet done nothing about it.

 

WHY are you with him (and please don't say because you love him).

 

You will forever be the OW. He has no intention of leaving his wife.

 

He rages at you.

 

You accept that behavior.

 

He has chosen to stay with his wife.

 

You accept that.

 

He is showing you - by his ACTIONS - you really are not important to him, not a priority to him (as well you shouldn't be since he is MARRIED and his WIFE is his priority).

 

What are you getting out of this besides rejection, sadness, heartache and disappointment?

 

In one of your other posts, you said he is overseas. So you don't even get the occassional quick sex from him, right? WHAT are you GAINING from this?

 

You have put your life on hold for someone who hasn't put HIS life on hold.

 

You are CHOOSING to accept the small crumbs he throws your way whenever he chooses.

 

YOU are bombarding him with texts and emails - and he is IGNORING you because you mean so little to him. IF you meant something to him, he would

 

Answer your calls/texts/etc.

Leave his wife

SHOW YOU THROUGH HIS ACTIONS you are important to him.

 

He has done none of those.

 

So I ask again, what exactly are you getting from this? What did you think would happen when you started an affair with a married man who told you he wasn't going to leave his wife?

[pikachu67]

Thank you all. Yes, I need to do this for myself to stop it all and stop hurting myself. I have been flying over to see him every month or so just to see him for 2-3 days in a month. When he comes back here to his family, he told me he cant come out anymore for fear the W will make a fuss. I know I must end this all and stop selling myself short. I deserve better and i dont deserve to hurt like this. You're right, if he loves me, he wouldnt be hurting me this way. I need to get out. Thanks again..