Thank you

[nadiaj2727]

Hello OM/OW Board. I used to hang out here a lot. I logged in today to see an unopened PM from November of 2008... I didn't realize I hadn't been here in such a long time!

 

I don't have anything to say but thank you to everyone who helped me when I was an OW and right afterwards. I remember coming here feeling so confused and looking for help, and I sure did find it from many of you. There are so many people who offered me words of wisdom, too many to mention, but of course Owl and WWIU particularly stand out in my mind.

 

So... thank you... that's it. Peace.

 

PS - I browsed the board and saw updates from Stampdaddy and Gwyneth. I am glad you guys have moved on and are in a happier place now too. I almost feel like this is an ex OP reunion. I am very happy for you guys.

[wildsoul]

Hello! I remember you. You were very kind and responsive when I was new here.

 

Add me to the guest list for the xOP reunion. I broke up with mine a couple weeks ago.

 

NC has actually been EASY this time, because I just feel "done." We had a strong connection, but it's not enough to compensate for his verbally-abusive outbursts. I'd told him "no more," and of course, within a month he did it again. Something just "clicked" inside me and now I see his as one of my ex's.

 

Previously, it felt SO hard to walk away from the love & affection (and big promises of our future life.) But yanno what? I feel completely different now. Everything seems much easier without him.

[Owl]

Awesome to hear that you ladies are both doing so well!!!

 

And I'm glad that my posts might have helped you out in some small fashion.

[signedin2008]

You're welcome.

[jj33]

Great to hear you are both doing well. The future is much brighter on the other side.

[nadiaj2727]

Hello! I remember you. You were very kind and responsive when I was new here.

 

Add me to the guest list for the xOP reunion. I broke up with mine a couple weeks ago.

 

NC has actually been EASY this time, because I just feel "done." We had a strong connection, but it's not enough to compensate for his verbally-abusive outbursts. I'd told him "no more," and of course, within a month he did it again. Something just "clicked" inside me and now I see his as one of my ex's.

 

Previously, it felt SO hard to walk away from the love & affection (and big promises of our future life.) But yanno what? I feel completely different now. Everything seems much easier without him.

 

That's awesome, Wild Soul, I remember you and I am so happy for you. I too found inner strength and peace from walking away after it "clicked" to me that that was NOT a situation I ever should have put myself in.

 

Yay for you.

[nadiaj2727]

Thanks, Owl, signedin2008 and jj33.

 

[NoIDidn't]

Hello! I remember you. You were very kind and responsive when I was new here.

 

Add me to the guest list for the xOP reunion. I broke up with mine a couple weeks ago.

 

NC has actually been EASY this time, because I just feel "done." We had a strong connection, but it's not enough to compensate for his verbally-abusive outbursts. I'd told him "no more," and of course, within a month he did it again. Something just "clicked" inside me and now I see his as one of my ex's.

 

Previously, it felt SO hard to walk away from the love & affection (and big promises of our future life.) But yanno what? I feel completely different now. Everything seems much easier without him.

 

I was wondering about you as we hadn't heard much after the Thanksgiving thing.

 

So glad you are doing well. I see you snuck this into someone else's thread! LOL

[NoIDidn't]

nadya, you've been missed.

 

You're welcome. I was only spouting my own self-righteous opinion. If it ever helps anyone is a pleasant surprise.

[nadiaj2727]

nadya, you've been missed.

 

You're welcome. I was only spouting my own self-righteous opinion. If it ever helps anyone is a pleasant surprise.

 

Ha ha. Self-righteous is in the eye of the beholder.

 

You were a big help to me, thanks.

[angie2443]

Nadia, it's so nice to hear happy endings on these boards after reading all the sad stories. I wish you the best of luck in life and in finding love (if you haven't already found it)!.

[angie2443]

Wildsoul, I'm glad you got away from mm. I remember the verbal abuse and have been in that situation before. It can eat you up and I wish people would take it more seriously. Good luck!

[bentnotbroken]

Anyone up for a round of handing hold and singing? You ladies are on the right track. Keep looking ahead and help someone if you can.

[nadiaj2727]

Nadia, it's so nice to hear happy endings on these boards after reading all the sad stories. I wish you the best of luck in life and in finding love (if you haven't already found it)!.

 

Thanks Angie.

 

 

I agree that reading on these boards is sad; it started to depress me. (Also the Infidelity board; I think that both the BS stories and the OW/OM are sad, but for different reasons sometimes.)

[nadiaj2727]

People get it when they're ready to. When they see that what they hear here matches up more closely to the actual reality they are experiencing than what they hear from the MM/MW. When the 'promise' of a future life and how great it 'might' be becomes less appealing than the desire to live a great life NOW.

 

Nadiaj, I'm glad you're doing well. And do stick around and share your experiences with others who are struggling. You never know when something you say will resonate and help change someone's perspective.

 

That's exactly what I was trying to say. Good job summing it up. And thanks for all the help too!!

[whichwayisup]

Glad to hear you're doing well Nadia.. And I'm glad that I've helped you through to the other side! You're free so enjoy your life, find someone (single) who's gonna make your heart sing.

[signedin2008]

Glad to hear you're doing well Nadia.. And I'm glad that I've helped you through to the other side! You're free so enjoy your life, find someone (single) who's gonna make your heart sing.

 

She already did. She "hooked up" with her ex-fiance.

[tami-chan]

Some people just can't be gracious and accept a simple "thank you". Maybe someday, they too, will realize, that abuse comes in different forms and perhaps they might recognize themselves that what they think is "tough love" or the way they present the "painful truth" is abusive.

 

Anyhow, I am relatively new here, so I do not know your story, nadja...but glad that your life is better. Really, if people are sincere in wanting to shed light and help out it shines through---if comments are done to degrade and humiliate, it is obvious too...

 

But God is just, right? and he knows the heart of each one of us and we will all get what is due us...

[signedin2008]

Some people just can't be gracious and accept a simple "thank you". Maybe someday, they too, will realize, that abuse comes in different forms and perhaps they might recognize themselves that what they think is "tough love" or the way they present the "painful truth" is abusive.

 

Anyhow, I am relatively new here, so I do not know your story, nadja...but glad that your life is better. Really, if people are sincere in wanting to shed light and help out it shines through---if comments are done to degrade and humiliate, it is obvious too...

 

But God is just, right? and he knows the heart of each one of us and we will all get what is due us...

 

The highlighted part is the only part that you got right. In other words, you don't know the history of interactions between individuals here.

 

If you have something to say, say it directly to that person.

[tami-chan]

...wow..LOL!!!!!

[tami-chan]

nevermind......athena....you know what's going to happen...LOL!

[Athena]

nevermind......athena....you know what's going to happen...LOL!

 

OMGosh, Don't do it .... Think Tami-chan, you are almost at PM privileges... lol, dont be banished... yes I know you want to kick azz but don't!

 

PS methinks its when you hit 'established member' status... your NEXT post?! at 50??

[White Flower]

Oh boy... you have opened up the floodgates now haven't you!

 

I don't think anyone is a whore and I don't like to judge people. But I do judge actions, my own past actions included. I think *affairs* are very selfish in and of themselves, there is no way that anyone could give me any reason that justifies an affair for anything but a selfish action that is going to lead to hurt to everyone else involved, including the person cheating and the person helping them cheat etc. I also think that to have an affair is a cowardly and weak decision. I have BTDT and all I have to go by is my own experiences and realizations that it was the most cowardly, weak, selfish thing I have ever done. And not exactly the most pure. But do I think of myself as a cowardly, weak, selfish, whore? NO. That was part of my problem before... I made hurtful and self-destructive decisions because I didn't love myself and see my full potential. I strongly believe that I am a stong, brave, usually unselfish person. But it's because I've decided to take the right actions instead of the wrong actions.

 

Every OW is different and I think the motiviations differ. I have read some OW on here that I think are deliberately hurtful and spiteful, but then again, I know a lot of people like that who aren't OWs. That is just the type of person they are and I feel bad for them because their own self-worth can't be that high, in my opinion. A lot of the OW on here really remind me of me. When I myself was an OW, I felt naive, lost, confused, etc. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I wasn't strong enough to stop doing it. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't stop. So I don't care about the OW who are purposefully hurtful, they are never going to listen to reason or anything beyond whatever makes them feel superficially good at the moment. All I know is me and I used to try to "help" or whatever the posters that screamed "that was me" to me... I knew I was being selfish but it didn't help for people to call me bad names because then I'd just feel worse about myself and defensive etc. When I first came here, it was helpful for me to hear someone say "perhaps you are being selfish in your actions?" so I tried to do that for other people. I had some thank me and that is why I wanted to thank all of the other people who helped me so much... I really do think that we can help each other learn and grow from our experiences, and especially as women, I think we owe each other a common bond and a "listen girl, I've done this and you really want to run in the other direction" kind of talk sometimes. More often than not I probably just annoyed people who thought I was being preachy or that I should no longer be here because I wasn't an OW anymore.

 

I guess I accidentally left Loveshack; at first there was the conscious realization that I was spending too much time on it and I needed to let it go and move on, and not think of myself as an "ex-OW" anymore but instead think of myself as just me. I did mean to occasionally check back in and be available by PM for the "relationships" I'd formed with some other OW/xOW and in case anyone wanted my advice. (Not to presume people want my advice, but sometimes I'd get PMS, and when I came here I looked for advice from ex OWs like Frannie and cling to it). But my job keeps me super busy and I am working hard on restoring things with my ex fiance, so... I guess life overwhelmed me and I went away from LS for good without realizing it!

 

But it all comes down to... if someone wants to change, they will change. If someone doesn't, it doesn't matter what I think of them or their actions, or what anyone thinks. I mean you really can't make people make the right decisions, they have to figure it out on their own or, I believe, be unhappy. I really don't think people can be truly happy making the wrong decisions, but maybe that's just because I myself wasn't.

 

Still making great posts Nadia! I have missed you! I was away for a while myself and recently came back. I'm glad you're doing well and working on your R with your ex (and maybe future) fiancé.

 

I like what you said about blasting OWs not being of any help. I can't say it enough: we come here for insight and clarity and most of us sift through the hate and get what we need. But being blasted can slow us down. If we wanted the Morals Police in our lives we would move to the Mid-East and God knows they can use some new citizens with the floods of them coming here to escape just that!

 

And for the haters: Does anyone really believe if they call me a whore I'm going to whince and say, 'Gee, I better stop being a whore. Goodness, I want to please all these posters.'? No, I didn't think so.

 

It doesn't really work if you haven't noticed. Why don't you try reasoning with people (who have souls by the way) instead of throwing verbal stones at them? They just might take you seriously and heed your good advice.

[tami-chan]

Yup, listen to her. She knows what I am capable of and she also knows your limits.

 

What you are capable of? really? I am rightfully scared and threatened. Wow, an internet bully...never thought I'd encounter one.:bunny::D:D:D!

[OWoman]

Some people just can't be gracious and accept a simple "thank you". Maybe someday, they too, will realize, that abuse comes in different forms and perhaps they might recognize themselves that what they think is "tough love" or the way they present the "painful truth" is abusive.

 

Anyhow, I am relatively new here, so I do not know your story, nadja...but glad that your life is better. Really, if people are sincere in wanting to shed light and help out it shines through---if comments are done to degrade and humiliate, it is obvious too...

 

But God is just, right? and he knows the heart of each one of us and we will all get what is due us...

 

Well said, Tami! Ignore the haters, their problems need professional help and nothing anyone says here will convince them that their self-righteous arrogance is anything but "truth".

 

Nadia, I'm glad you're in a happy place. As another fOW - one whose story has had a happy resolution - I think it's important that those OWs who are feeling confused, trapped, or powerless have examples of life beyond that powerless, trapped confusion to help them imagine their own lives beyond... whichever way things work out for them. No one should ever stay in an unhappy relationship of any kind. If it's making you unhappy - get out!