forbidden fruit Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 For all of you who know my story, there has been some recent occurrences involving another mm that came into my life. I just want to preface this by saying if I did not have what happened with xmm, things might of turned out worse with this xmm. So here it goes. I am on Facebook and my old first long last love contacts me. History-We lived together when I was in my 20's. I left him in another state because he was messed up with drugs and alcohol. I loved him, but did not want to fix him. So after I leave he goes into downard spiral, but then luckily 11 years ago, gets help and sober. Gets married, has kids and has found God and now in Biblical school. I tell him i am sorry for the way I left and happy he is good. We haven't spoken in fifteen years. He contacts me and tells me he loves me, a day has not gone by without him thinking of me and I am the love of his life. I am like huh? Well he e-mails a couple more times that he is going to be in my area and he wants to meet with me. I say to him these are just words and after what I had just been through with xmm I don't believe him. So he says all the right things, about how he will prove it and action. I then decide to delete him from facebook and tell him I cannot do it. My reason is because I remeber some past abuse that took place by him when I was younger. So now I am angry. i think he can say all the right things and I will just acquiecse like I did all the times before. So I e-mail and tell him what I feel. He then cuts off all access to me including phone, e-mail and tells his family (not wife)who I was close with for 30 years also. He told me two days ago he loves me and while he is not leaving his wife he knows someday we will be together. So I tell him to tell his W his feelings for me or I will. At this point he is calling me nonstop, telling him to call him back it is important and then nothing. I feel anger and sadness that this guy came in and told me all of these things and then could not prove it just like the other xmm. They were both after sex. I did also send his wife a e-mail that she may want to look at his e-mails to me. I did not feel bad at all about . I also told my H about what happened and how he contacted me. I am happy that I stood up for myself and did not let this continue any farther. I think he owes me an apology, but I know I will never get it. Why did he come into my life if he had no intention of doing anything? Why did he run so fast as soon as I called him out? Update on other xmm- I told him a month ago i will call the cops if he even looks at me and so far he has not walked out his front door and I am grateful. He has been hoovering lately, but I could give a s***. I am not sure who he is the worse, the old one or the new one. The only thing matters is they are both out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 It's good xMM neighbour is out of your life. It's about time that you finally stood up and took back control. As for your past flame - Who cares. He's in the past. You shouldn't have allowed him into your life to begin with. Digging in the past and open the door is just asking for trouble, especially more so since fb,myspace and other social networking sites.. It's good you told your husband about the past flame. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Do you think you will reach a point where you don't get into these situations at all? What is missing with your H that this continues to happen? Is there any fix for it? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Do you think you will reach a point where you don't get into these situations at all? What is missing with your H that this continues to happen? Is there any fix for it? Yeah, this is what I was thinking. What are you, FF, a *serial* cheater? You are married too, so its not just MM cheating here. Its time to be honest with yourself about yourself and your marriage. This gives a whole new meaning to being in "the fog". Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Hi forbiddenfruit! so this X who resurfaced in your life via facebook is in BIBLE SCHOOL? for what? is he planning to become a preacher? ...say it aint so, joe....!!! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Hi forbiddenfruit! so this X who resurfaced in your life via facebook is in BIBLE SCHOOL? for what? is he planning to become a preacher? ...say it aint so, joe....!!! Nah, he's just like the rest of 'em in there. Learning how to use the Bible to manipulate and abuse people. Must be. He already almost got into FF's pants by impressing her with how much he's changed and grown, right? Riiiiiggghhhttt.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Yeah I think he wanted to do. I wonder what would of happened with this mm if I hadn't been through this before? My treatment toward my old boyfriend was harsh and swift. I feel a little bad about it, because he is not a narcissist like the other xmm, but I think he wanted the same thing. My x boyfriend go back almost 35 yrs. do you think I was too harsh on him and involving his wife? I just got so defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Why feel bad about it? The guy knew you were married and made a play for you anyway. He is a MAN not a child so he can take rejection, and he can face the heat from his wife. He did something stupid and selfish WITHOUT thinking of how it would affect his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Some of us thrive on drama. Chaos makes us aware that we are alive---sad thing with this is, we involve those around us who do not need constant conflict to live, because of course, the bigger the drama, the greater the chaos, the deeper the conflict, the more we feel alive....BUT, eventually we will implode in this set-up. There is no happy ending on a life lived like this...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Are you saying this about me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 I feel bad about it wwiu because he is a ctuallya nice guy. He has a sponsor and while he is 11 years sober I could tell he was still very fragile. The minute I laid him into he blocked all forms of communication with me. We have known each other fo a long time , we lived together and I left. Maybe he was worried about getting hurt again or relapsing. All he kept telling me is he still had the same feelings for me, he loved me so much and he missed me terribly and then I called him to action and then nothing? How could you love someone one day and be the love of someone's life and then be gone. Was he going through a mid-life or did he wantto get back at me for breaking his heart before? Maybe I should of handled the situation differently and not been so harsh. However, the minute I heard he wanted to meet me and he thought about the sex we used to have, I went beserk and into self protection mode. What do u think, was I too harsh? Was I taking out my anger on the xmm on my old boyfriend? I don't want him too think I am crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 All he kept telling me is he still had the same feelings for me, he loved me so much and he missed me terribly and then I called him to action and then nothing? Why are you married if you're having these types of discussions and interactions with old BF's? Does your H know about this? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 Yes if you read my post I told my husband about contact with x boyfriend and ended it immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Oh please, you got in contact with a old bf and almost cheated and you want props for it. You didn't even end it because you are married, you ended because he use to treat you bad. You want us to give you a high five for telling your H about this one when you were banging your neighbor and H's friend for years. Grow up Link to post Share on other sites
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