Agent_99 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 From my own experiences, those I've witnessed on here, and people in mylife that have been involved in affairs in the past, I see patterns in affairs. One is the emotional rollercoaster of it all. The incredible highs and terrible lows. The feeling that only this person can make you feel that good. This happens on both the OW/M and the MW/M in most cases. I also see a lot of MW/M who call themselves cowards, or not strong enough to leave etc. I had a very intense convo with my sister this last week that really shed some light on that, as well as exMW. They truly are afraid of life, afraid of all that is out there. They have a tendency to find OW/M who are very passionate about life. But it's only so that they can live a little. They don't want more. They are deeply afraid of more, and probably truly can't handle it. Now that my affair is over, in reality and in my heart I've noticed a difference in my thinking. For almost a year I made LIFE choices based on the hope that someday MW and I could have a real relationship. I did and didn't do things to keep her in my life however I could have her. I arranged my life to suit both of us. She knew she didn't have to ask, she just had to tell me what her work schedule was, what classes she was taking. There were a few times he asked me to take a class with her though, and she helped me get a job when I needed one. To this day I think she somehow talked management into placing me into the position they did so that she could see me at work. Who knows. . . Because I never REALLY knew when I would hear from her I was always willing to drop everything at a moments notice to be with her. Sleep? Who needs that when she calls. Homework. . . out the window to run off and help her with hers. Now though, I dont' make choices based on what would be best for her and 'us'. We still talk, she still pursues me, she still asks me to help her with classes. But from somewhere in my heart there are boundaries now that say "do what's best for Agent99" not what's best for her, the A, or my hopes of a future with her. Don't get me wrong, I think that someday she will be part of my life again. But for now, I am off to live my own life, NOT making choices that keep or bring me closer to her. Not letting my heart overrule what my head says anymore. I thought I would be done with LS after my affair ended. But instead I find that I want to help other OW/M find how to be strong in themselves again. Besides I am dating for the first time in my life, and the dating section has some great ideas and thoughts in it! ~99 Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 They truly are afraid of life, afraid of all that is out there. They have a tendency to find OW/M who are very passionate about life. But it's only so that they can live a little. They don't want more. They are deeply afraid of more, and probably truly can't handle it. Afraid of it, or don't want it? I would have thought they very much want it but are afraid of all the changes it would take to get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agent_99 Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 I think in a way it is the same fear. Not only of loosing the stability they have, but of how things will change, the unknown. Everyone at some level wants a life of happiness and satisfaction. Some people are willing to take risks, others have learned not to. ~99 Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I think that you learned what you needed to learn out of your R. You're a strong woman and you're going to be fine. I wish you the best that life has to offer. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agent_99 Posted November 24, 2008 Author Share Posted November 24, 2008 Thanks GEL, There are times even now that I wish my story with MW had ended like yours. But it didn't and it won't. So I am moving on and healing more and more every day. I am also dating someone very wonderful. I get the tingly butterflys just thinking about her We are taking it slow because I still need time to heal. Honestly even though it was for different ends your story here helped inpsire me to take control of my life and end the affair. Sometimes I forget that I AM the one who ended it because of allt hat happened in the weeks afterward that made me feel so helpless. But I did it and it's over and the feeling that I will be okay no matter what is way more important than loving someone however I can. ~99 Link to post Share on other sites
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