mistresswchildren Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Well, it is finally over! The relationship has been over for a long time, but because we have two children, it has been a difficult journey. I finally spoke with him again. We tied up the loose ends, and he has decided to "opt out" of being a father to our children. While I feel a sense of loss for my children, I also feel an overwhelming sense of peace. I am glad that he made this decision, and I somehow feel this is the only act of love that he has shown. By allowing my children to live their lives without him, I feel that he has made the most mature decision I have ever known him to make. He has not been their father in any sense of the word. He has not attempted to be a part of their lives. By giving up, I feel he is doing what is necessary for them to live a somewhat "normal" life. I did not make this decision for him. He made it himself. While he was very cavalier about the whole thing, I am quite happy about the decision. My children will never be scarred by him. They will never feel inadequate because he will not be able to make them feel that way. I am gaining strength in many ways. While I kept saying that I wanted him in their lives, I realize now that it was because I was afraid of "going it alone." I realize now that I have been going it alone. I have been doing this all by myself for almost three years now. My children know that they are loved. They have a roof over their head, food in their little bellies, and more love than some children will ever get. I realize that it seems like I am patting myself on the back, but I think that at this point I have to. I have been beating myself up over all of this. I have blamed myself, and no one else, for all of it. That was so unfair to do to myself. I have made a mistake. The only thing to do now is to learn from it. I will never be as unguarded with my love (except when it comes to the kids, of course). I will never become involved with someone that cannot give me all of who they are. This has been a four year lesson, and I am glad to have learned it, no matter how hard it was. I am now closing the last chapter on a long overdue library book that was not all that great to read. I know that this book will be placed back on the shelf for someone else to check out, but since I know the ending, I will never have to read it again. I hope that all of you out there that are in affairs, or those of you that are considering affairs, will learn from those of us that have experience. An affair hurts all of those that are involved. There is no point. If someone truly loves you, there will be no excuses. They will be there. They will give you all that they have and more. Do not let yourself be a side item. Life is too short to involve yourself in something that will inevitably hurt you (even if the outcome seems to be what you want). You give up a part of yourself in an affair, and it isn't worth it in the end. I stopped respecting myself. That was what the affair did to me. It has taken a lot of time and effort to repair myself, and even now I am not entirely who I used to be. YOU ARE ALL BETTER THAN THAT! Love yourself before you consider loving another. I am almost there, but it has been a long and winding road. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I am glad MWC, that you have found solace and closure. he has decided to "opt out" of being a father to our children. While I am sorry for your children that he has chosen the cowards way out, I am happy that they have a mother that will choose only the best for their future. Good luck to you and yours, IWWH Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Thank you for the words of wisdom! May peace be with you now...and always. Link to post Share on other sites
woe_is_me Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 i dont know how old your children are mistress .. but you dont have a crystal ball .. you dont know how much better things will become for you in the future or how much worse they will get for him .. id like to say i was shocked that he cant help to support on his own children but sadly, im not .. onwards and upwards miss! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 MWC, while I never pretended to agree with the situation you helped place yourself in, I do know that you have turned away from that lifestyle and have learned a lesson that you can pass on to others who find themselves in the same situation. Your children are better off without a person in their lives who hasn't learned how to be a good man, much less a parent who can teach children how to live responsibly. You have and you are all the parent they need. I pray that the lesson you have learned you pass on to your daughters without holding back the details of the consequences. They are a special gift from God no matter the circumstances that surround their birth. It isn't where you came from so much as where you are going and what you do for others along the way. In the movie A KNIGHT'S TALE, there is a line where Heath Ledger's character talks about changing his stars. We all can if we desire it enough and work enough to do so. You legacy won't be the four years you spent as an OW, but how you raise your children to view the world and the boundaries of relationships. You have paid for your actions. You have asked God's forgiveness, and He has granted it. It is no more. Live a blessed life now. I know I seem harsh, stubborn(black&white), and very rigid in my views. I am:laugh: but I know it is because we all have the potential to live a life full of blessings without destroying others or ourselves to get them. Your growth is evident in your posts, you have put down the burdens that you had and are looking forward to the future. If you decide to look back every once in awhile, it's okay, remind yourself what you went through, then turn toward the future and realize how far you have come. Blessings. Link to post Share on other sites
DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I am glad MWC, that you have found solace and closure. he has decided to "opt out" of being a father to our children. While I am sorry for your children that he has chosen the cowards way out, I am happy that they have a mother that will choose only the best for their future. Good luck to you and yours, IWWH Wow, I don't know if I would call it the cowards way out...he has to be feeling some kind of remorse for having children with a woman other than his wife and knowing that he will not be able to have a life with them because it is in their best interest has to be hard...not saying it is right - just saying it isn't as easy as it sounds. Link to post Share on other sites
DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 id like to say i was shocked that he cant help to support on his own children but sadly, im not .. She could always legally apply for child support....but cash doesn't substitute being a father. Then again, a wife doesn't have to accept her husband being involved with children who she didn't give birth to either. It's a sad situation all the way around....in a way, he is punished forever financially and because he isn't have a real relationship with his kids, the OW is punished because she is a single parent, and the BS is punished knowing their spouse stepped out on them and created life with someone other than her.... Thank being said - I personally would pursue child support and no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 MWC, smash the rearview mirror and keep your eyes on the road for now you are open to the adventure that awaits you...your future! Don't be surprised though, if after some time has elapsed, that your MM comes sniffing around again for he has shown you time and time again that his words can't be trusted. As long as you maintain your stalwart stance on where he fits into your life and the lives of your children this muttonhead's got nothing coming but a big fat child support check kicking his @ss every month to remind him of what it costs in this world to be a liar, manipulator, thief, and a cheat! Happy Holidays to all and to all a good night! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts