sorry its long - need perspective

[simple_city_girl]

dear all,

 

i am in a complete mess right now.

 

background: i work for MM and for past months i have been having some problems wherein i felt that he was ignoring me etc and so i confronted him many times and this led to lot of fights and ugly arguments, i also threatened to leave, but things always used to settle. then MM left for holiday for 1 month.

 

after he is back, things haven't been too good either. we had arguments every day and he told me that 'i am trying to create problems where there is none'. this went on for 4-5 continuously at work and over the phone. and then we both reached the threshold.

 

he got really angry with me and said things to me which he never said in the last 3 years when we have been friends.

 

- i can sort out things between us maybe 1 day in a year, but i cant continue to do this forever.

- if you continue to fight and this happens again, then i will also lose it and say something which you are not going to like

- i have 100 other problems in life, i cant keep resolving things between us when i dont see any problem at all.

-if you keep doing this, its you who will continuously suffer, you would be most stressed. so pls dont this to yourself, and to me also please.

- if you say that you love me then i want to see it in form. because then you will not add to my problems. what you say and your figting with me seems contradictory

 

and a lot of things, which was very painful to hear for me. i dont think he cares anymore. i was only trying to get some answers from him as why his behaviour had become a bit cold lately. but all this was a too much for me to hear from him.

 

i am heartbroken. i didnt call him/write to him for 4 days. then 5th day this monday i called him and informed that i want to quit from my job. he wouldnt hear that, he said 'but i dont want that, i will be very pissed off if you leave for personal reasons'

 

damn. how could be just easily forget our friendship and act like it was my problem all the way. lately, there has been some gossip among his peers, when he told me about it, it seemed that he was blaming me for everything. i feel pathetic.

 

its clear that he has no regards for our friendship. lately he has said things to me which i had never imagined, all directly on my face. after i called him, i stressed that i want to quit.

 

i have sent him my resignation, he said he doesnt accept it. on one hand he can say such rude things to me, and on the other hand he is expecting that i will forget everything and just come and do my job. when i said to him that was he scared that everyone would be surprised that why i suddenly quit. to this his reaction was - 'i dont care about anyone. no one is going to come and ask me, i am asking you to stay for your good'

 

i am speechless. he is made of stone. this really sucks. i am feeling very depressed. after monday, i have not contacted him. i really dont want to see him every again. and i dont think it really matters to him after all the things he has said to me.

 

i am not thinking of applying elsewhere for the time being as i was to relax for some time. but my mind is not at peace. i feel so used and rejected. now because it doesnt matter to him, so he has conveniently thrown me out of his perfect life.

 

i NEVER want to see/talk to him again. how can i gather the strength to do this? i tried to have no contact before but i used to become miserable after few days. this time i was to stick with it. as i also know he's never going to get back to me because its CLEAR that he doesnt care.

 

i have been typing 'i hate him' in a word document. this isnt helping. please friends, give me your perspective on this...

[Geishawhelk]

he can say he doesn't accept your resignation, but you've tendered it. So it's officisal.

Say nothing, but stand by it.

On the last day, say goodbye to everyone as normal, and don't come back on the monday.

Then begin no contact.

When you start job-hunting again, admit fully to your prospective employers that there was a clash of personalities, but give his name as referee anyway.

It's illegal to supply a bad written reference.

 

(it is in the UK, anyway.....)

But in any case, he's being manipulative, controlling and a bully.

H can't separate work from personal and that's unprofessional.

You're going to have to show him what 'professional' looks like.

[SerenityX2]

- i can sort out things between us maybe 1 day in a year, but i cant continue to do this forever.

- if you continue to fight and this happens again, then i will also lose it and say something which you are not going to like

- i have 100 other problems in life, i cant keep resolving things between us when i dont see any problem at all.

-if you keep doing this, its you who will continuously suffer, you would be most stressed. so pls dont this to yourself, and to me also please.

- if you say that you love me then i want to see it in form. because then you will not add to my problems. what you say and your figting with me seems contradictory

 

i NEVER want to see/talk to him again. how can i gather the strength to do this? i tried to have no contact before but i used to become miserable after few days. this time i was to stick with it. as i also know he's never going to get back to me because its CLEAR that he doesnt care.

 

i have been typing 'i hate him' in a word document. this isnt helping. please friends, give me your perspective on this...

 

Your "because" should not be the reason that you walk away. His shoddy treatment and emotional abuse is the reason.

 

Please pay attention to what I bolded. Do you see the pattern? A r'ship is a "we" not an "I" and a "you". He's being verbally abusive with the *if* you didn't do this, *he* wouldn't have to react like "that". and it's BS. It's classic emotional abusive behavior and it'll only get worse. He is taking no responsibilty for his role in the r'ship.

 

You have every right to speak up when you feel he's being cold. If he *thinks* you should, or that someone else will put up with it. SO WHAT, it's not good for YOU...then walk away. NO ONE should ever make you feel bad about what you want and need from a r'ship.

 

Tell him to take his spiderman underoos off and put on his big boy boxers and stay out of your life.

 

Emotional abusers can be soul destroying if *YOU let them*. You see YOU have the power here...seize it back, don't LET him make you feel pathetic, pray for your inner strength, it's there...everyone has it. SEIZE it.

 

Don't HATE..it servers no purpose, it will only blacken your heart. You're better than that. Come here for support, grieve when you need to. Step by baby step, walk away from this. Time is what will heal, but you need to take those first steps and be prepared for some rough seas ahead, but if you steal yourself for the coming storms and mentally prepare that you are strong enough (and you are) eventually it'll calm. It will take time.

 

I am sorry for your pain and I am praying for your inner strength to shine forward.

 

Peace