Meaplus3 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My reason for starting this thread is simply because.My xmm neighbor has been placed him self back in my life so to speak. So..If it's not enough that he knows of the dissolve of my marital union..and yet there he is.. just moving along as if he did not a thing wrong. OH.. sick..I'm sorry..I just needed to vent to you all. I still feel SO very bad for his wife.. and the children. I guess it's still right there in my face since he is nextdoor. Why Do thy get away with it?? AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 They don't. They only think they do. His is coming, if it isn't already here. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Again, if no one told his wife...if no one but you and he know the story (don't know if your H knows or not...can't remember)...then what do you EXPECT to happen? This is nothing forcing a change. Nothing surprising here at all to me...he got away with it because no one was willing to bring this all out in the open and force changes. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My reason for starting this thread is simply because.My xmm neighbor has been placed him self back in my life so to speak. So..If it's not enough that he knows of the dissolve of my marital union..and yet there he is.. just moving along as if he did not a thing wrong. OH.. sick..I'm sorry..I just needed to vent to you all. I still feel SO very bad for his wife.. and the children. I guess it's still right there in my face since he is nextdoor. Why Do thy get away with it?? AP that you're posting this shows you still care one way or the other. So I reckon you have two choices - stop caring, and move on. Then it won't matter to you whether he wins the lottery and gets blessed by the Pope AND gets away with the A.... or not. It simply won't matter. Or... do something about it. Only you have that power. He got away with it, as Owl said, because you chose to let him. You can do something about that by telling his W. It may not achieve the outcome you want, but it will at least have stopped you feeling so powerless about effecting the outcome, and it will change SOMETHING. But you need to think long and hard about the choice, about what you actually want out of it. Do you want the emotional investment of getting sucked back into that emotional quagmire you've walked away from, or do you want to keep walking and not look back? (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 AP that you're posting this shows you still care one way or the other. So I reckon you have two choices - stop caring, and move on. Then it won't matter to you whether he wins the lottery and gets blessed by the Pope AND gets away with the A.... or not. It simply won't matter. Or... do something about it. Only you have that power. He got away with it, as Owl said, because you chose to let him. You can do something about that by telling his W. It may not achieve the outcome you want, but it will at least have stopped you feeling so powerless about effecting the outcome, and it will change SOMETHING. But you need to think long and hard about the choice, about what you actually want out of it. Do you want the emotional investment of getting sucked back into that emotional quagmire you've walked away from, or do you want to keep walking and not look back? (((hugs))) OW, I do care.. but not about xmm..ZERO feelings for him left..since this past fall. Yes. I did chose to let him get away with the ea because Idon't believe it is or ever will be my place to inform his W. I guess I will just have to live with the fact that I have to reside so close to such a dishonest man. I think it's so pathetic to watch him strut around like he is honest abe, with knowing the truth about what a shallow lier of man he truely is. I have to keep reminding myself how lucky I am that I did NOT wind up with him. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
saraispiel19 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Why Do thy get away with it?? AP:) they don't, one day he'll tell the wife maybe out of guilt or she will find out somehow. As for you lady stay away from married people, you yourself are married and as sure as the sun sets today you would not be pleased if your spouse did the same to you. Guilt is not remorse- many people may disagree with me or even PM me saying i was too blunt but hey go ahead. You need to fix things in your relationship or get out don't string your husband along. good luck to ya. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Answerplease, One thing you should consider. Men very often have a completely different outlook on "EA's" than women do. The VAST majority of me don't believe there is any such thing as an Emotional Affair. If there is no sex, there was no affair in their minds. I actually have to compartmentize the distinction. Before I began reading and posting on LS, I didn't buy into the concept either. It still is a difficult concept to get my head around. Your XMM may be feeling no guily, because he doesen't have any, or believe that he did anything wrong other than talk with you. The term "Emotional Affair" was popularized by the Dr. Phil show wasn't it? That show doesent have much of a male audience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 Answerplease, One thing you should consider. Men very often have a completely different outlook on "EA's" than women do. The VAST majority of me don't believe there is any such thing as an Emotional Affair. If there is no sex, there was no affair in their minds. I actually have to compartmentize the distinction. Before I began reading and posting on LS, I didn't buy into the concept either. It still is a difficult concept to get my head around. Your XMM may be feeling no guily, because he doesen't have any, or believe that he did anything wrong other than talk with you. The term "Emotional Affair" was popularized by the Dr. Phil show wasn't it? That show doesent have much of a male audience. Lake, I 100% agree with your point here.. and believe me I know this to be so true about how some men view an ea. I guess I get so mad about that view because I firmly believe that an ea is a form of "cheating" and those that reduce it to something like harmless flirting per say..well UGH.. it's makes me mad because it's so not true. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 i think you should tell his W. 1): B/C she deserves to know the kind of man she is M'ed to just like you know the kind of man you had an A with and 2): B/C it will break you free from this drama. just tell her you guys had an EA-which will prolly matter to HER even if it doesnt matter to him-that you ended it (or that its over or whatever) but that he keeps trying to pursue you (if this is the case?) & you want to make sure its over for good & your telling her. Then walk away & have nothing else to do w/ him ever. thats just my opinion of course, & i dont think i know all the facts of your story. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 As for you lady stay away from married people, you yourself are married and as sure as the sun sets today you would not be pleased if your spouse did the same to you. Guilt is not remorse- many people may disagree with me or even PM me saying i was too blunt but hey go ahead. You need to fix things in your relationship or get out don't string your husband along BTDT. This post is rather off the mark. AP did tell her H. She didn't "string him along". She did address her own M and that is entirely separate from the current issue with xMM. You can look up her previous threads for more info. Your hostile tone is quite misplaced. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 AP, you realize that this drama is going to go on for as long as you live next to him, right? Why do you stay where you know you're going to be tormented by this kind of thing? Either move, or take action to get this all out in the open. Why else do you think anything different would happen? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 OW, I do care.. but not about xmm. Oh heaven forbid AP I wasn't implying you still had feelings for HIM!! Rather that you were still invested in the outcome of the situation, one way or another. You DO care that he got away with it. It does matter to you - to your sense of justice, or whatever. You want to see him getting his just desserts, too. Which is fair enough - if that IS what you really want, you can tell his W. But be aware of the costs - to yourself, to her, to your children and his. Or you can shrug it off, and keep walking, and don't look back. Until you really don't care either way, anymore. (Of course, if you want sneaky ways to take revenge, I can give you a whole bunch of suggestions for that, too...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 Oh heaven forbid AP I wasn't implying you still had feelings for HIM!! Rather that you were still invested in the outcome of the situation, one way or another. You DO care that he got away with it. It does matter to you - to your sense of justice, or whatever. You want to see him getting his just desserts, too. Which is fair enough - if that IS what you really want, you can tell his W. But be aware of the costs - to yourself, to her, to your children and his. Or you can shrug it off, and keep walking, and don't look back. Until you really don't care either way, anymore. (Of course, if you want sneaky ways to take revenge, I can give you a whole bunch of suggestions for that, too...) You DO care that he got away with it. It does matter to you - to your sense of justice, or whatever. You want to see him getting his just desserts, too Yes! That's exactly it! I must hand it to you lady.. you do know me. I guess I just need to go back to shrugging it off and let go of my sense of what's right and not right in this situation. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 (Of course, if you want sneaky ways to take revenge, I can give you a whole bunch of suggestions for that, too...) This makes me feel better about a course of action I am considering taking. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
saraispiel19 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 BTDT. This post is rather off the mark. AP did tell her H. She didn't "string him along". She did address her own M and that is entirely separate from the current issue with xMM. You can look up her previous threads for more info. Your hostile tone is quite misplaced. I never said he didn't know about it and by stringing him a long i mean by being unsure and wishy washy about the relationship. i'm being blunt not hostile- sorry for the missunderstanding i am not a mean person. Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I never said he didn't know about it and by stringing him a long i mean by being unsure and wishy washy about the relationship. i'm being blunt not hostile- sorry for the missunderstanding i am not a mean person. You really need to go back and read her posts before you reply. I am pretty sure she is seperated and heading towards divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
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