stampdaddy Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called." Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said "I died of cancer." The second man said, "I died of Tuberculosis". The third man said "I died of seenus". The first two men said, "No, you mean sinus." The third man said "No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!" Link to post Share on other sites
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices. Suddenly, the woman reaches over, slices off the mans penis and angrily she tosses it out the window of the car. Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off. Suprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey" The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute she says "Sure had a big dick ! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 The husband says to his wife, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?" She says, "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." He smirks and replies, "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" She calmly replies, "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, '"What other problem can there be greater than this one?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 A married woman has a lover. It’s no secret, her husband and all there friends know about it. One day, the woman suddenly dies. At the funeral, to the embarrassment of all, the boyfriend is there and is crying hysterically. Finally, the husband can't take anymore of it. He approaches the man, puts his arms around him and says "Please don't carry on like this. I'll marry again. Link to post Share on other sites
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Dont move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend youre a statue." "Whats this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." [No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water." Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?" He says, "I don't care. Just get out!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 A married couple, both avid golfers, was discussing the future one night. "Honey", the wife said, "if I were to die and you were to remarry, would you two live in this house?" "I suppose so - it's paid for." "How about our car? Continued the woman. "Would the two of you keep that? "I suppose so - it's paid for." "What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use them too? "Heck, no," the husband blurted out. "She is left-handed." Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 A woman and her husband were out for a Sunday drive, when he tells her he has been having an affair for several years and he is ready to leave. The wife says nothing but she drives a little faster. The man thinking that this is going so well, he decides to tell her how much he is in love with the ow and how much more beautiful the ow is. Still the wife says nothing, just gives the car a little more gas. The husband feeling confident and cocky says that he has never loved his wife and that the sex with the ow is the most amazing he has ever had. With a smile on her face the wife guns the car. The husband starts to get really nervous when he notices they are traveling at a really high rate of speed and headed for a brick retaining wall. Just before impact he says to his wife what are you doing? She replies, making sure the ow gets every piece of you, the air bag is on my side. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Bravo! Since joking about cheatin' is kinda like joking about killin', that one cracked me up! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Bravo! Since joking about cheatin' is kinda like joking about killin', that one cracked me up! Exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?" He says, "I don't care. Just get out!" :lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Bravo! Since joking about cheatin' is kinda like joking about killin', that one cracked me up! Ditto. That's the only one that cracked me up. Link to post Share on other sites
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