findmyway Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 I am not real sure what to expect. How in the world am I going to get my whole story out to this woman?? I really, really don't want to break down in tears to a complete stranger in the first session... but if I have to explain my situation I know I will. So, i am nervous!! Any advice, suggestions or comments about being ready for my first session? Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 I am not real sure what to expect. How in the world am I going to get my whole story out to this woman?? I really, really don't want to break down in tears to a complete stranger in the first session... but if I have to explain my situation I know I will. So, i am nervous!! Any advice, suggestions or comments about being ready for my first session? Just "listen" to what comes out of your own mouth... It will be hard at first, no doubt, BUT you can do this, you have to do this.. I am proud of you.. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 I am not real sure what to expect. How in the world am I going to get my whole story out to this woman?? I really, really don't want to break down in tears to a complete stranger in the first session... but if I have to explain my situation I know I will. So, i am nervous!! Any advice, suggestions or comments about being ready for my first session? I've never been to counseling myself, but what came to my mind is: You are doing this for yourself. Don't worry what the therapist might think of you.... it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 What you put into therapy is what you get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 When I first started therapy I would make a list of things I wanted to talk about - important points only, no detail. That way, if I got sidetracked by going into detail about something I could refer to my list and get back on track more easily. Sort of like an outline. I also will keep a running tally of things that come to me through the week/month between sessions so I can remember things to bring to the table. But I am pretty forgetful, so I sort of need lists and outlines. JMO, take it with a grain of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 The biggest thing that I could tell you is just to be honest, lay everything on the table that you feel like you need to get out in the open. When I started going back in October/November, I was still carrying so much shame and guilt that I wasn't completely honest about my situation because I was afraid of being judged by my therapist. Over the course of treatment, more and more issues and details come up and she asks me why I didn't bring this up earlier; earlier disclosure for me could have facilitated earlier healing, I guess. The thing is, I didn't think about the fact that if my therapist *had* sat in judgment of me for my situation and my role in it, uh gee I could've found a different therapist. Then again, the issue was more about me than a therapists reaction anyway. And it's true, you really DO get back as much as you put into it. Well, that rambled. Sorry. I'm a big supporter of therapy for many reasons, so I applaud your decision to go. Best of luck to you, and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Any advice, suggestions or comments about being ready for my first session? Just keep in mind that she's SEEN IT ALL -- people way more messed up than you. Relatively, you are probably one of the mildest cases she's encountered! Also remember that you are doing the right thing for yourself - seeking help in grappling with a difficult life situation. Her job - the very thing she's professionally trained to do - is to guide you through it objectively. And take a little notebook with you, in case you want to jot down some things during your discussion... such as ideas to ponder later. Good luck! You're doing the right thing! Go You! Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I bawled my eyes out at my first counseling session. They expect it -- that's why all the offices have tissues boxes. At first I hid some of the truth from my therapist because I was too ashamed to tell her every gory detail. But I learned that being honest was the only way I could get help. Now I am so used to it that I am brutally honest and I tell my therapist every little detail of everything I'm doing now and everything I can remember thinking and doing when I was involved with xMM, etc. The more I reveal, the more I find it helps. You'll get to that point too. Just remember to be honest and be yourself. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Jess-Belle Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) Nadia is right, the first thing you see in any therapists' office is the box of Kleenex right next to the couch That being said, I am also one of those people who refuses to break down in tears. Sometimes I cry after though. Just remember, the therapist is there to help you, not judge you. And you might be surprised how good you feel afterwards! Edited March 10, 2008 by Jess-Belle typo Link to post Share on other sites
trifecta Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I disagree Nadia-they don't expect it-simply prepared. findmyway-what you will gain from counselling is what you are prepared to put into it. Counselling is a two way street. They cannot and will not fix you. YOU are the expert in your own issues. You know YOU best. A good counsellor will help you see that. TriMAx Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 OP, if the therapist is right for you, they will put you completely at ease. Your job is to be emotionally honest and focus on the issues which are important to you. trifecta is right, they won't "fix" you, but they will proffer tools you can use to better understand yourself and to deal with your situation. Their job is to be a minder, to guide you along the path, not to "fix". A good therapist will challenge you, point out things that might be painful, and mirror you. It's a process. My instinct is, after your first session, if the therapist is compatible, you will be a bit emotionally drained but no longer nervous or apprehensive of the process. Hope it helps you as much as it's helped me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Everything you are feeling is 100% normal and understandable. It is comforting to know that you will have someone to listen to your every thought and problem but it is also quite scary. But rest assure they are very used to getting people who will break down infront of them and really deal with their emotions in very different ways, one thing is for sure they EXPECT you to cry and breakdown so don't be shy about that. Usually people go to therapy when they are in a critical moment of their life dealing with a lot of pain, pain that cannot be dealt with on their own so therapists expect you to be extremely vulnerable and fragile. Some people cry, some lash out in anger some rebel and don't want to speak others put a wall up it all depends but they have seen it all. This will be a relationship like many others in terms of establishing comfort levels and how much you want to let them in and how soon. The first time is scary you have no clue how you will wrap your head around expressing everything you carry inside, but don't worry they will guide you to break the ice the rest you will flow at your own pace. Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 And dont feel like you have to tell her the whole story in one session. If this was the case, these professionals would be out of business LOL! Therapy is a lenghty process that noone can measure by putting a number to "how many sessions" but very rewarding. It's mental detoxication by loading it onto someone that replies without judgement!! Good Luck and dont be nervous, you'll be just fine! Keep positive, so you get positive in return. BTW, you will break down and cry, without a doubt... LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 What are you hoping to get out of this therapy? What's the "goal" you're going into it with? Knowing that going in will help you get more out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author findmyway Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 At this point, I think my #1 goal is to start focusing on myself as an individual and make positive steps to improve my life. I need help shifting my focus off of what is going on with xMM and put the focus on me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 When I did therapy for my anxiety attacks, I remember coming out of each session feeling quite drained for quite a while, but then once things started clicking, I'd come out feeling quite high. It's hard to explain in words, but you'll understand once you hit your breaking point. As for your first session, it's a 'get to know you' one. One thing you can do for yourself is journaling. Start a daily journal and write out your thoughts. I'm not sure if your new T will be involved outside of office hours, but with me, I would email her my journal daily so she knew wtf was going on inside my during the week. Anyway, just take it slowly. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I disagree Nadia-they don't expect it-simply prepared. True, they are always prepared for tears. And mine expects mine now, because I'm a big cry baby when it comes to emotional issues. I find that Kleenex box very reassuring -- like, well, at least I'm not going to surprise him by crying! He's obviously been through this before. Good luck findmyway, let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 After the $50 Co-pay and the other $200 that she charges my insurance, the least she can do is give me Kleenex!!! LOL! Crying is detoxing your soul! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I am not real sure what to expect. How in the world am I going to get my whole story out to this woman?? I really, really don't want to break down in tears to a complete stranger in the first session... but if I have to explain my situation I know I will. So, i am nervous!! Any advice, suggestions or comments about being ready for my first session? I can understand your nervous I think thats only a normal way to feel. You know the same thing happend to me.. and I will tell you once I got there and started talking the words just came out and boy did I feel better. I wish you the very best of luck. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author findmyway Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 First of all, thanks everyone for your insights and tips. Ok- so I had my first session today. I know you can't really tell how it will go from just one session, but I am happy to report I think this counselor might be a fit!! I had tried one counselor before awhile back and it almost kept me from even attempting another one. I am glad I did. We just touched the tip of the iceberg today. We all know how complicated our situations are! But talking to her felt pretty natural and hey her couch was waaaayyy comfy. I went back to work after my appt feeling a sense of relief at having taken this step and the feeling that it may just work out. I will keep everyone posted, but i think I made a good decision!! Now- next obstacle, start working out again. I used to almost everyday- havent once since the last DDAY several weeks ago. Today is the day- I am going to make an attempt!! I should add that working out used to be "our" thing, MM and I- we worked out at the gym all the time for the honeymoon period before we got caught, then he couldnt go anymore... but he still motivated me to continue and we would discuss who ran more the night before etc etc even though we werent working out in the same place. He recently helped me put together a mini workout room- so now when I get on the equipment I instantly think of him, I think that is my main obstacle at this point to getting back on track. To make matters worse, now that I have this great place to workout at home he has started going back to our gym! He can no longer workout at home since he doesnt live there. Ugh, makes me wish I could be there, makes my nice stuff here at home not seem so great knowing he's there and I am not. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I know I push yoga alot, but seriously consider joining a yoga group or buy some yoga DVD's. It make such a difference in your life and you still get a good workout too. Glad your T session went well and you connected with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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