This is for OW/OM..

[nellstar]

How do you guys work around MM/MW? I'm sure you are unable to call MM/MW as often as you want or am wrong? What is it like with your MM/MW? Do you go out together in public?

 

It's been hard for me lately, I don't mind so much about not going out with him in public coz I have OM to go out with and of coz, girlfriends but sometimes I just want to talk TO HIM and not anyone else. How do you deal with that?

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

During the affair, I did go out in public with him. MM seemed unconcerned really. Of course, there was times that I couldnt contact him when I wanted. I found these were usually times when I was at a loose end and used to get frustrated with it.

 

I kept myself busy, did things I wanted to do with my life. In a way, I think that kept us fresh because I always had something new to talk about and he saw things in my life that HE wanted to get involved with. It became more that he couldnt contact me, and in a way that was frustrating too.

 

Now that we're together, I find it sometimes difficult to contact freely - I'm not used to it . All in all, I think the best remedy is to concentrate on you, I know I sound like a broken record but doing things for you, keeping yourself active and busy, it helps you make him not the be all and end all of your life.

[OWoman]

How do you guys work around MM/MW? I'm sure you are unable to call MM/MW as often as you want or am wrong? What is it like with your MM/MW? Do you go out together in public?

 

It's been hard for me lately, I don't mind so much about not going out with him in public coz I have OM to go out with and of coz, girlfriends but sometimes I just want to talk TO HIM and not anyone else. How do you deal with that?

 

Our R was never "secret" in that sense. We went out as a couple and we were affectionate in public and I was integrated into his extended family early on. It was easy to be open but still not "discovered" by his W because they led such separate lives - she wasn't welcome at his family's homes, they had no interests in common, she'd been asked to leave where they'd both worked so she avoided (ex-)colleagues, and she just wasn't that interested in his life anyway. They shared a house in the most far-stretched way imaginable - she made sure she was away when he was home, and when he travelled she'd be there. If they ever happened both to be there, they had separate bedrooms anyway and separate living areas. We spent pretty much all the time communicating - online, phone, text, whatever suited where we were at the time.

 

Now that he's left his W it's been a little more difficult - he's moved around a bit while waiting for the place we'll be sharing to be ready, and in some of those places comms have been problematic (no broadband, no cell phone signal or no privacy with family!) but we'll be together soon and so we're regarding the frustration as a temporary problem.

 

I do sympathise with your predicament. I suppose asynchronous comms are the only way around that - send a text or an email and he'll get back when he can. It doesn't help in the moment, when you need to talk to him NOW, but at least he will get back and then those good feelings will return.

[Lizzie60]

How do you guys work around MM/MW? I'm sure you are unable to call MM/MW as often as you want or am wrong? What is it like with your MM/MW? Do you go out together in public?

 

It's been hard for me lately, I don't mind so much about not going out with him in public coz I have OM to go out with and of coz, girlfriends but sometimes I just want to talk TO HIM and not anyone else. How do you deal with that?

 

I work with one.. so we see each other a few times a week at work.. then we get together once or twice a week.. I never call at his place.. I wouldn't do that.. but I text him as much as I want... He sometimes calls me from his place.. if he's home alone.. lol

 

We sometimes, text all evening.. while watching TV.. We do go out in public, restaurants, stores.. but we are being extremely careful and it's quite rare. If we ever get caught, it would be easier for us since we work for the same org.

 

I don't want to be with him full time.. so I don't find it hard when I'm not with him.. I love my space way too much..

[LadyDi]

I just cowgirl up. We can't go out in public, I can only text or IM him if he contacts me first, unless we're at work. At work I can contact him anytime, by any means. It's just the way it is.....I don't get all that tore up about it because there is no other option (except getting caught, and we'd rather not temp fate) It's what we're used to. Occassionally we can get away to a hotel.....but that's rare.

[nextel]

How do you guys work around MM/MW? I'm sure you are unable to call MM/MW as often as you want or am wrong? What is it like with your MM/MW? Do you go out together in public?

 

It's been hard for me lately, I don't mind so much about not going out with him in public coz I have OM to go out with and of coz, girlfriends but sometimes I just want to talk TO HIM and not anyone else. How do you deal with that?

 

 

I am able to contact him whenever I want, day or night. He is with me most of the times and the days that he is not, he does a very good job of calling me. Its never been an issue for us. As far as going public, we have been very open about our relationship. Its not a secret. We established that when we decided we wanted to get to know each other. I have spent time and nights with his family, ie., parents, sisters, brothers.

 

I can only imagine it being hard not being able to contact your MM when you really want to hear his voice. But I think that in order for one to be happy in a R, they must understand or try to understand what it is that they are dealing with. I dont think there is a remedy to your situation, except to be open with him about how you feel.

[Lyssa]

How do you guys work around MM/MW? I'm sure you are unable to call MM/MW as often as you want or am wrong? What is it like with your MM/MW? Do you go out together in public?

 

It's been hard for me lately, I don't mind so much about not going out with him in public coz I have OM to go out with and of coz, girlfriends but sometimes I just want to talk TO HIM and not anyone else. How do you deal with that?

 

Never had a problem in contacting him but I avoided calling or sending text messages when he was at home. Later on, we talked and texted each other around the clock or whenever we needed to talk to another. It's easier now as he's no longer married. As for going out in public together - when I visited him, he took me around to all the places he goes to. We don't go out often as we're in two different continents but that will soon change!

 

It'd be hard to deal when you feel the need to talk to him - I can't say it's going to be easy cause I know it isn't. You just have to keep yourself occupied with things or how about when you see MM, record his voice so that when you miss hearing his voice - you can listen to the recording!

 

Seriously, there isn't much that you can do. Don't make it all about him.

 

I was just wondering though... since you have OM, don't you think it's better to go out with one of them or someone single so that you can talk and be with him whenever you want to?

[Gwyneth]

I was always able to reach out to MM when I felt I needed to. We mostly communicated via email once his wife took away his mobile privelages, and he checked his emails throughout the day and would Always respond within a good amount of time. He'd usually call me from a coworker's cell phone throughout the day, as well as email me via his mobile phone. He'd email me at night too when home with It. And sometimes I'd call him on his coworker's mobile if I could. It all depended.

 

We went out in public many times--walks in the park, walks around the city, etc. It was lovely--for the moment.

[jton30]

For me, it's pretty much 9 to 5 weekday contact since she's home all day while her H is at work. We get together at my place or hers or go out for something to eat and don't really limit ourselves in public. She calls on the home phone pretty frequently but I'm conscious to only call her mobile unless I know she's home alone. We do get out some nights for a dinner and see each other on weekends when time allows. Basically we talk every day and probably see each other an average of 3 to 4 times a week.

 

Of course, H does know my phone number and on occasion he'll call. Apparently he's of the 'don't ask don't tell' type until the arguments start and then it's an issue.

[mopar crazy]

When I was the OW (but didn't realize I was one at first) he only called me one time. It was when he moved out of state for a new job. When he would come back to town to visit his parents I would see him around town and we would usually end up together. When his GF moved in w/ him I would see him on the weekend when she was out of town. I would always drop by his place if I knew she was gone.

 

I was a BW years ago. At first they would just see each other at work. They worked together 10 hours a day, he was her supervisor. After he said he wanted a D was when then he started going over to her house. He would hide his truck in her garage. They didn't go out in public locally, only out of town or across the state line. They were seen together at a baseball game one time and it got back to a very close friend of mine, she called and told me. Friends that had H or worked w/ them told me they spent a lot of time together at work and in places they had no business being at. I only found her phone number on the cell bill once b4 he moved out. He made up some lame excuse for calling her. The call was short, about 3 minutes. It wasn't until he moved out and I got the cell bill that I noticed they called each other a lot. They both denied the A even though her H and I knew differently. Pictures don't lie.

[White Flower]

We had a wonderful arrangement of 2 telephone calls at a certain time each day until W caught him on the phone. Didn't hear anything, but suspected something. Besides those two scheduled calls there were many calls in between and most of the time we could both talk. Now that he's on guard it is hard for me; the routine part of it was reliable and the surprise calls were wonderful. He cut his texting because I think it was becoming too obvious. I always have so many things to say but can't remember them for long so when he does call I forget some of the things I was going to say or ask. I guess these are the not so attractive parts of the A.

[White Flower]

I forgot to mention that we go out in public all the time. He's all over me and doesn't hide a thing. I always ask why he's not afraid to get caught and he says he is, but it sure doesn't show. He even sings to me or dances around me in public places, drawing attention to us. I find it so ironic really. And very exciting.

[nellstar]

Thank you all for your posts. It's good to know that some had it all worked out. As for Mopar Crazy, I am sorry you had to go through the betrayal of your XH. How do you cope with not hearing from him often at that time or didn't you care much?

 

I am keeping myself busy, in fact I have so many things happening around me that I don't think of MM often but when I do, I realized I missed him more than I thought I would or could.

 

Jton30... when your MW's H called, what did he say?

 

Lyssa.... good idea on the voice recording! To answer your question; I don't want it to sound cliche but MM has all the good and bad that I can tolerate in a man. I've dated and I still date but none came close to MM.

 

MM and I have gone through break ups several times. The recent one was last year. We had a huge argument and it didn't have anything to do with his W at all! We stopped communicating for almost 8 months and it was hell but I pulled through. Then he started to step up and said the right things... we got together again.

 

I start to realize that I can't get enough of him even after all these years. I'm single and men from all ages and status find me attractive but I want MM. When I see things happening, I freak out. Why is that???

[nellstar]

I forgot to mention that we go out in public all the time. He's all over me and doesn't hide a thing. I always ask why he's not afraid to get caught and he says he is, but it sure doesn't show. He even sings to me or dances around me in public places, drawing attention to us. I find it so ironic really. And very exciting.

 

That sounds very exciting! You're lucky, WhiteFlower. I don't think MM is afraid of being seen in public, it's just the schedules we both have which is impossible to go out together. I travel more often and we have traveled together. That is all.

[jton30]

Jton30... when your MW's H called, what did he say?

 

Usually not much. He knows my name and so one day I got a call from an unknown number and he asked "Is this (my name)?" and I reflexively said "yes" at which point he hung up.

 

I can relate to the 'can't get enough' feeling but I also recognize that it is in large part due to the 'limited commodity' factor of the relationship. Because you don't always know when you'll have time together or for how long, you're always wanting it. And of course there's the competitive element too. Time they're with you means time they're not with their spouse.

 

At least in my case, there are strong feelings and desire and compatibility. But it's also magnified by the situation.

[mopar crazy]

Thank you all for your posts. It's good to know that some had it all worked out. As for Mopar Crazy, I am sorry you had to go through the betrayal of your XH. How do you cope with not hearing from him often at that time or didn't you care much?

 

I start to realize that I can't get enough of him even after all these years. I'm single and men from all ages and status find me attractive but I want MM. When I see things happening, I freak out. Why is that???

 

Actually, we are still M. The A was over 5 years ago. After he said he wanted a D I kicked him out and as soon as my children finished off their school year I moved back to my hometown where my family was b/c I really needed the support (and they gave me TONS of it). I was gone for about a month when my H called and admitted to the A, wanted to work on the M, it was a big mistake, ya get the picture. It's been a bumping road to recovery but I think I'm 90% healed. I will never forget about the A but my feelings about it are totally different.

 

After I kicked him out our contact w/ each other hadn't honestly changed much. He would call a few times a day. Actually more than when we were together. The only time I called him was discuss him seeing the children. He brought me lunch a couple of times and we sat down and visited about our M, our kids, etc. We even had sex a few times a week. I was confused, he was confused, and at the time I was in denial of his A b/c him and the OW were gas lighting me. I didn't know WHO to believe. I was stupid. That if I could win him back w/ wild sex he wouldn't want a D (still in denial of the A). It wasn't until the OW H came over and showed me proof of the A. I stopped the sex immediately and by that time I was packing and moving away. So, the contact really did end on his part, he still continued to come over and see me and our children a few times a week and we talked every day, several times a day.

 

I know how you feel about only wanting him. I was that way (at first) when I was the OW but then I realized that he wasn't going to be w/ me and I dated other guys. I wasn't going to put my life on hold. He knew I was dating other guys but always sweet talked his way into my pants and I could never turn him down. I really did love that man. But honestly, I'm glad it didn't work out between us. About 5 years ago he his second W told him if he didn't go to treatment for his drug problems she would D him. He is a musician and ya know how most of them are, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. He was the poster child for that saying. Not the kind of guy I wanted to get serious w/ but at the time I probably would have.

[Daphne Crane]

How do you guys work around MM/MW? I'm sure you are unable to call MM/MW as often as you want or am wrong? What is it like with your MM/MW? Do you go out together in public?

 

It's been hard for me lately, I don't mind so much about not going out with him in public coz I have OM to go out with and of coz, girlfriends but sometimes I just want to talk TO HIM and not anyone else. How do you deal with that?

 

My MM wants me to call and text him everyday....anytime I want or feel the need to contact him and he will always answer. But I know after a certain time of the night he is home with HER. I asked him, "what about her and he answer, "what about her". Although, I have a time or two just called to see how he would act. There has been many times he has called me and W was upstairs in her room while he is in the kitchen or in his room. For the most part, we spend 2-3 hours talking on the phone (some times more) and texting (for hours) each other every day.

 

As far as going out in public, we really don't do. I have been out several times with my friends and he came where we were or we meet up together in several stores and shop.

[White Flower]

That sounds very exciting! You're lucky, WhiteFlower. I don't think MM is afraid of being seen in public, it's just the schedules we both have which is impossible to go out together. I travel more often and we have traveled together. That is all.

 

Yes, he is very exciting and says it's all me, but it takes two to tango! Lyssa was on target about the voice recording. I keep his voicemails for as long as possible before my carrier deletes them but hearing his voice and the cute things he says makes me smile when he is unable.

 

And you are lucky for having traveled together. I have never traveled with my MM and do dream about it.

[Lyssa]

Lyssa.... good idea on the voice recording! To answer your question; I don't want it to sound cliche but MM has all the good and bad that I can tolerate in a man. I've dated and I still date but none came close to MM.

 

I start to realize that I can't get enough of him even after all these years. I'm single and men from all ages and status find me attractive but I want MM. When I see things happening, I freak out. Why is that???

 

LOL - glad you like the idea.

 

Could it be that you like the idea of going behind his W's back or you're afraid that he'll end up being a serial cheater, if/when he leaves his W?

[nellstar]

Actually, we are still M. The A was over 5 years ago.

 

I'm sorry, I thought your M was over. I must have read your post wrongly, I'm sorry, Mopar.

[nellstar]

My MM wants me to call and text him everyday....anytime I want or feel the need to contact him and he will always answer. But I know after a certain time of the night he is home with HER. I asked him, "what about her and he answer, "what about her". Although, I have a time or two just called to see how he would act. There has been many times he has called me and W was upstairs in her room while he is in the kitchen or in his room. For the most part, we spend 2-3 hours talking on the phone (some times more) and texting (for hours) each other every day.

 

As far as going out in public, we really don't do. I have been out several times with my friends and he came where we were or we meet up together in several stores and shop.

 

That is nice of your MM! You get to call him any time of the day.

 

Does he hang up quickly if W comes into the room when he's on the phone with you?

[nellstar]

 

And you are lucky for having traveled together. I have never traveled with my MM and do dream about it.

 

I was lucky that I got to travel with him. He's planning another trip soon and I can't wait for that! Who knows, White, maybe your time will come for you to travel with MM!!!

[nellstar]

LOL - glad you like the idea.

 

Could it be that you like the idea of going behind his W's back or you're afraid that he'll end up being a serial cheater, if/when he leaves his W?

 

As everyone here would like to drill it in my head that he'll end up as a serial cheater (if he isn't already ), that is one thing I don't think he'll end up being.... wait.... I know he will not be a serial cheater.

 

Whoever's reading this, don't bother asking how do I know... I just know. BTDT.

[OWoman]

I was lucky that I got to travel with him. He's planning another trip soon and I can't wait for that! Who knows, White, maybe your time will come for you to travel with MM!!!

 

Yes, WF, holding thumbs! Travelling with MM has really brought us closer together - in his country, him showing me his life, in my country with me doing likewise, and us exploring new places together that neither of us have been to before.

 

But if that was all we'd had together, we probably wouldn't be so sure we could work out together with the daily grind. It's really only been living together for long periods at a time, working and paying bills and hassling with kids and chores and traffic that have shown us we're comfortable and happy around each other when the excitement of holidays isn't there to boost us. We're lucky, we have complementary strengths and compatible interests, and while being treated like a princess jetting around the world is great, being treated like an equal at home is even better!

[White Flower]

We're lucky, we have complementary strengths and compatible interests, and while being treated like a princess jetting around the world is great, being treated like an equal at home is even better!

 

Being treated like an equal at home sounds like paradise to me:) I could so feel like a princess in that environment.