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Grooming? RE: Older men / younger women


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Old 11th January 2008, 6:39 PM   #1
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Grooming? RE: Older men / younger women

Something I was reading re:Older married man / younger women discussion got me thinking. Is there an element of grooming in the older man / younger woman A?

While I'm not speaking about grooming in the illegal sense, I wonder if there are similarities. For instance, a man confessing his unhappiness in marriage, making the woman feel wanted, loved, etc, alluding to sexual things - sounds similar.

Or am I just twisting "normal" courting behavior into something more sinister? Thoughts?
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Old 11th January 2008, 7:32 PM   #2
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I'm not sure I follow.
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Old 11th January 2008, 7:39 PM   #3
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Ummm......I'm a little confused too but I'm thinking you are referring to an older man seducing or 'grooming' a younger, less experienced and perhaps naive woman for an A???? In other words, the older MM would groom the situation or set up the situation-feed into the inexperience, wants etc of the younger woman to entice the woman into an A. Is this what you mean?
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Old 11th January 2008, 7:42 PM   #4
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Yeah exactly. Like the older MM picks out a younger woman and intends to get her to fall for him so he can have sex with her...so I guess my question is do you think the older MM has such intentions or is it more like "normal" singles courting? Or does it depend on the situation?
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Old 12th January 2008, 12:13 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by indianlover View Post
Yeah exactly. Like the older MM picks out a younger woman and intends to get her to fall for him so he can have sex with her...so I guess my question is do you think the older MM has such intentions or is it more like "normal" singles courting? Or does it depend on the situation?
I'm not too sure on that but I do know even single older men pick up a younger woman for that reason - to have sex with but nothing more.
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Old 12th January 2008, 12:23 AM   #6
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I would say it depends on the situation.

But I'm sure there are lots of older MM looking for younger women just to sleep with.

I don't know how you define "normal" singles courting.

I don't believe most MM are looking to necessarily have a "normal" relationship because the wife is still around and that is pretty much impossible in an affair.

But people have affairs for all sorts of reasons, many are just for sex, some are for emotional fulfillment, others a combination, etc.
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Old 12th January 2008, 12:51 AM   #7
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horibly concieved question. An older married man who goes after younger women could be doing it for a number of reasons. Sex is definetly one of them. Its just a bad idea for any girl to knowingly get involved with a married man
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Old 12th January 2008, 12:58 AM   #8
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horibly concieved question.
pointed criticism from the king of clarity
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Old 12th January 2008, 1:02 AM   #9
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pointed criticism from the king of clarity
Ha. He's going for a more refined, cultured approach these days...
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Old 12th January 2008, 3:23 AM   #10
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So grooming is a form of sexual abuse where a person has undue sexual influence over a person like an adult child situation?
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Old 12th January 2008, 10:35 AM   #11
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Yes, of course many cheating MM have a well-developed game whereby they seek out leads for their future affairs. "Grooming" (in the pedophile sense) is a great term for it because it is NOT a well intentioned courtship situation, but rather a deliberate one-sided manipulation.

This applies mostly to the hardcore serial cheaters. They have to constantly be on the MM prowl - very different from singles courtship - just to keep the supply of OW coming.

How is "MM grooming" different from "nice single guy courtship"? Well, here's a few from the top of my head:

* MM does his best to conceal his life - NSG reveals it when appropriate
* MM tells lots of lies because he has to - NSG does not need to tell lies and thus tells far fewer
* MM tries to get in and out fast before the W finds out - NSG can take his time
* MM has to sell himself HARD because he's not really offering anything of true value - NSG does not need to sell so hard if he really IS offering a high-quality r/s

etc. In fact, to me this is so obvious I am surprised both by the question and the responses. Maybe you folks have not been reading Loveshack very long??
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Old 12th January 2008, 1:23 PM   #12
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I'm not suprised, the question was jumbled. And I've never heard grooming used in a situation like this. The married man does have something to offer the younger woman, its a certain type of relationship that she may crave. Regular relationships may scare this person, because they may be screwed up. A younger woman isn't some helpless child who is being groomed for sexual abuse by her father, uncle, or some one trusted by the family. Unless she's mentaly challenged she should realize whats going on and be able to make as clear a decision as she is normaly capable of.
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Old 12th January 2008, 2:51 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by indianlover View Post
Something I was reading re:Older married man / younger women discussion got me thinking. Is there an element of grooming in the older man / younger woman A?

While I'm not speaking about grooming in the illegal sense, I wonder if there are similarities. For instance, a man confessing his unhappiness in marriage, making the woman feel wanted, loved, etc, alluding to sexual things - sounds similar.

Or am I just twisting "normal" courting behavior into something more sinister? Thoughts?
In my R, it's just normal courting behavior...Although it seems the courting period is coming to a close...
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