I don't understand...

[anotherother24]

I know this sounds ridiculous and maybe even none of my business but I can't help it.

 

Do you all think it's possible for a wife to not be upset over her husband having a year long affair? and do you think most people could forgive it easily? For me, I don't think I would be able to forgive it easily...but I was in a relationship with a MM...and basically, I ended up telling his W about it. She already basically knew but I confirmed it to her. Anyways, whats driving me crazy is that she acts like she doesn't care and that she forgives him automatically....he told me she hates him...and she calls and cusses me out and tells me he loves her and would never look at another woman.

 

Is she just trying to throw me off? or make me think she doesn't care? I mean, she's seen the phone bills of us talking for hours...and he even admitted once to taking me out to dinner...and I've heard her fighting with him before...upset over it..but to me..she LAUGHS at me...like I'm crazy...and she could care less. I just can't understand how....Is it just a front so I don't see her upset? so I think everythings perfect with them? or could she really be okay with this?!?

 

.....and would it matter if they are from egypt? is cheating any different there than it is in the US? She told me his family would be VERY upset if they found out about this, but yet she claims she is okay with it?

[PLAYBRAT]

I am quite sure she is upset ...but this is an attempt to not let you get the better of her by letting it show. That is probably why she SEEMS

unaffected. She may be in denial about the extent of the affair because YOU are th eone who told her about it...and maybe she sees you as a vindictive homewrecker. Could be why she seems to be laughing at you....

Just a guess..

[anotherother24]

I am quite sure she is upset ...but this is an attempt to not let you get the better of her by letting it show. That is probably why she SEEMS

unaffected. She may be in denial about the extent of the affair because YOU are th eone who told her about it...and maybe she sees you as a vindictive homewrecker. Could be why she seems to be laughing at you....

Just a guess..

 

 

Yeah, thats true...and I hate that...because I am..not like that. I mean, I did something that was...so not like me. I feel bad about it, and I try to explain to her a little bit and she just laughs at me....like she won't even listen. I think she wouldn't have to call me and try to hurt me if she was really okay with it, like she says she is. She would just say I'm okay, we're working things out....not having to call me a w---e..and bring up me taking medicine for anxiety, or family issues....stuff that is completely irrelevant...in an attempt to hurt my feelings...she wouldn't have to do that, i wouldn't think....?

[whichwayisup]

maybe even none of my business but I can't help it.

 

I'm sure she feels the same way, it's none of your business how she handles this with her husband behind closed doors.

[OWoman]

Yeah, thats true...and I hate that...because I am..not like that. I mean, I did something that was...so not like me. I feel bad about it, and I try to explain to her a little bit and she just laughs at me....like she won't even listen. I think she wouldn't have to call me and try to hurt me if she was really okay with it, like she says she is. She would just say I'm okay, we're working things out....not having to call me a w---e..and bring up me taking medicine for anxiety, or family issues....stuff that is completely irrelevant...in an attempt to hurt my feelings...she wouldn't have to do that, i wouldn't think....?

 

 

She's clearly not OK with it. Only people who are hurt try to hurt other people like that. She is in deep denial and certainly doesn't want you to see. If she was really OK she'd move on and it would make no difference to her either way.

 

But it seems you're not OK with it either, or it wouldn't bug you enough to post here. You'd shrug it off as the poor BW who's still got a long way to go, but that would be her problem and not yours, and you wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

 

Since you can't do anything about her problem, perhaps you should focus on why you're still caught up in this and unable to move on. When her attempts to hurt you stop registering with you, she won't be able to get at you and she may be forced to confront her own issues too.

[anotherother24]

Yeah that's true...I guess I'm not over it because I'm not over the MM yet. Although I should be. I'm trying to be...but I feel like I have so many unanswered questions..from him..and we're not in contact...so I'm finding it hard to just forget about it and let go.

 

 

 

She's clearly not OK with it. Only people who are hurt try to hurt other people like that. She is in deep denial and certainly doesn't want you to see. If she was really OK she'd move on and it would make no difference to her either way.

 

But it seems you're not OK with it either, or it wouldn't bug you enough to post here. You'd shrug it off as the poor BW who's still got a long way to go, but that would be her problem and not yours, and you wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

 

Since you can't do anything about her problem, perhaps you should focus on why you're still caught up in this and unable to move on. When her attempts to hurt you stop registering with you, she won't be able to get at you and she may be forced to confront her own issues too.

[kchiapet95]

My guess is, the W has been through this before. At first she said, "I hate him," because "Damn, he did it again!" But then after that, she got rational and wanted to let you know that you mean nothing. She's not going to do anything to him, she's already made up in her mind that she is going to stay with him, so the anger is redirected at you. Being from another country could possibly impact it, as different cultures have different beliefs regarding infidelity and marital relationships.

 

As difficult and painful as this is, though, you'll only torture yourself if you keep wondering about her reaction and how this is affecting them. It isn't about them, it's about you...you've got to find some way to heal from this. If you can PM, you can always PM me...I'm where you're at right now, and I think it'lll help you to just vent.

[nextel]

I know this sounds ridiculous and maybe even none of my business but I can't help it.

 

Do you all think it's possible for a wife to not be upset over her husband having a year long affair? and do you think most people could forgive it easily? For me, I don't think I would be able to forgive it easily...but I was in a relationship with a MM...and basically, I ended up telling his W about it. She already basically knew but I confirmed it to her. Anyways, whats driving me crazy is that she acts like she doesn't care and that she forgives him automatically....he told me she hates him...and she calls and cusses me out and tells me he loves her and would never look at another woman.

 

Is she just trying to throw me off? or make me think she doesn't care? I mean, she's seen the phone bills of us talking for hours...and he even admitted once to taking me out to dinner...and I've heard her fighting with him before...upset over it..but to me..she LAUGHS at me...like I'm crazy...and she could care less. I just can't understand how....Is it just a front so I don't see her upset? so I think everythings perfect with them? or could she really be okay with this?!?

 

.....and would it matter if they are from egypt? is cheating any different there than it is in the US? She told me his family would be VERY upset if they found out about this, but yet she claims she is okay with it?

 

 

I am a little familiar with that culture. Yes, she is trying to throw you off. But what you must understand about North Africans is that they 98% of the time stay with their wives. They rarely marry outside. Most wives in that culture are accustomed to their husbands cheating but never leaving them. Because the men are such good providers, most women become immuned to the fact that their husbands cheat as they believe that when their husbands are old, they will stop the cheating.

 

If I were you, I would not be consumed with how she is feeling or her reaction. I think its best you do for you, and only you know what that is.

 

Life is bytch.

[whichwayisup]

...but I feel like I have so many unanswered questions.

 

The bottomline of it is, he is married. You knew this from day one and obviously he's changed his mind, enough that he isn't contacting you and is trying to work things out at home with his wife.

 

Make your own closure - He won't give that to you.

[vanilla chai]

Would you prefer the wife to hunt you down? exactly what is it you want her to do?

[anotherother24]

Would you prefer the wife to hunt you down? exactly what is it you want her to do?

 

 

You know, I think that would be better than this...lol in some ways. I just want to see some reaction from her, for her to act like he isn't this perfect angel...and that maybe it is possible that he was with another woman...instead of acting to me like he would never do something like this to her...when both her and myself know that is completely untrue....she acts like she wasn't there for any of the things that happened...and that i wasn't either...that drives me crazy that she seems to be in complete denial to me and then yells at him...why cant she just admit it to me....instead of making me feel like stupid....i guess i don't blame her though...she has to be hurt, and i guess she doesn't want to be hurt...and feel like she let me "win" something by admitting that we hurt her....which, wasn't what i wanted....i just hate to think she let him get away with this....without even being mad....even though, my head knows different...it aggravates my heart....

[anotherother24]

The bottomline of it is, he is married. You knew this from day one and obviously he's changed his mind, enough that he isn't contacting you and is trying to work things out at home with his wife.

 

Make your own closure - He won't give that to you.

 

 

yeah, any suggestions on how to give myself closure??

[KnownTruth]

I know this sounds ridiculous and maybe even none of my business but I can't help it.

 

Do you all think it's possible for a wife to not be upset over her husband having a year long affair? and do you think most people could forgive it easily? For me, I don't think I would be able to forgive it easily...but I was in a relationship with a MM...and basically, I ended up telling his W about it. She already basically knew but I confirmed it to her. Anyways, whats driving me crazy is that she acts like she doesn't care and that she forgives him automatically....he told me she hates him...and she calls and cusses me out and tells me he loves her and would never look at another woman.

 

Is she just trying to throw me off? or make me think she doesn't care? I mean, she's seen the phone bills of us talking for hours...and he even admitted once to taking me out to dinner...and I've heard her fighting with him before...upset over it..but to me..she LAUGHS at me...like I'm crazy...and she could care less. I just can't understand how....Is it just a front so I don't see her upset? so I think everythings perfect with them? or could she really be okay with this?!?

 

.....and would it matter if they are from egypt? is cheating any different there than it is in the US? She told me his family would be VERY upset if they found out about this, but yet she claims she is okay with it?

 

 

It looks like she is showing her anger in a different why. She is pretending it does not bother her and putting up a good front. In reality she must be hurt and upset and angry.

My MM's W at the moment is doing a similar thing, she is pretending I don't exist or talk to her H and in reality we talk every day. I think it is a coping technique for the W to deal with this whole situation.

[Trimmer]

You know, I think that would be better than this...lol in some ways. I just want to see some reaction from her, for her to act like he isn't this perfect angel...and that maybe it is possible that he was with another woman...instead of acting to me like he would never do something like this to her...when both her and myself know that is completely untrue....she acts like she wasn't there for any of the things that happened...and that i wasn't either...that drives me crazy that she seems to be in complete denial to me and then yells at him...why cant she just admit it to me....

 

Because she is not in a relationship with you.

 

What is your standing in her life that you "want to see some reaction from her," or that you can agonize over why she can't admit something to you? What does she owe you?

 

Given that you are an unwelcome interloper in their relationship, I can't see how any form of mindf*ck in return would be surprising...

 

Make your own closure - He won't give that to you.

And even more to the point: she won't give you any either.

Edited December 27, 2007 by Trimmer

[PoshPrincess]

Another, everyone copes with these things differrently and this is obviously your MMs W's way of coping. Of course she doesn't want to give you the satisfaction (her way of looking at it) that you have ruined her marriage, or at least broken her trust in her H.

 

Just remember that she doesn't owe you anything and whatever reaction you get from her is, in all honestly, perfectly justifiable. Just do your best to stay away from her and try to move on with your life. She may be telling you that everything in the garden is rosy but it's pretty unlikely considering the circumstances, don't you think?