Seriously need

[trickysituation]

Big shock, I am fooling around with a married man. The good thing is that we are not having sex yet, mostly because of something that happened in his past and he promised himself he would never cheat.

Problem is he tells me how much he loves me, that I have his whole heart which I don't believe cause if that were true we would be together. Everytime we get closer and closer its like he realizes he is cheating cause no matter which way you look at it, having an emotinal affair is just as bad if not worse than a physical one.

I don't understand how he can he tell me that he loves me with all of his heart and that he thinks about me all the time but in the next breath tell me he can't change anything because of promises he made to himself, has he not already broken them.

I feel so awful for what we are doing to his family but like everyone else I feel this is a once in a lifetime kind of love. We are both older so its not like we are a young couple, his kids are grown and out of the house, I don't have any kids. I know that the best thing for me to do is to move on and to be with someone who deserves my love and my affection but I don't know how.

I don't know how to find the strength to let go and move on when I feel he is my soulmate. Even though we are not having sex we do fool around and I can honestly say that no man has ever turned me on the way he does, no man has ever made me feel things that he does.

Please help me cause I am at a loss and don't know what to do.

Thank you for listening to me vent.

[Meaplus3]

Big shock, I am fooling around with a married man. The good thing is that we are not having sex yet, mostly because of something that happened in his past and he promised himself he would never cheat.

Problem is he tells me how much he loves me, that I have his whole heart which I don't believe cause if that were true we would be together. Everytime we get closer and closer its like he realizes he is cheating cause no matter which way you look at it, having an emotinal affair is just as bad if not worse than a physical one.

I don't understand how he can he tell me that he loves me with all of his heart and that he thinks about me all the time but in the next breath tell me he can't change anything because of promises he made to himself, has he not already broken them.

I feel so awful for what we are doing to his family but like everyone else I feel this is a once in a lifetime kind of love. We are both older so its not like we are a young couple, his kids are grown and out of the house, I don't have any kids. I know that the best thing for me to do is to move on and to be with someone who deserves my love and my affection but I don't know how.

I don't know how to find the strength to let go and move on when I feel he is my soulmate. Even though we are not having sex we do fool around and I can honestly say that no man has ever turned me on the way he does, no man has ever made me feel things that he does.

Please help me cause I am at a loss and don't know what to do.

Thank you for listening to me vent.

 

I feel for you! Promised himself he would not cheat? Well he need's to be told then that what he is doing with you at the moment is cheating! You need to end this now to save yourself an ubelieveable amount of hurt that WILL be down the road ahead.

 

AP:)

[Cobra_X30]

I feel for you! Promised himself he would not cheat? Well he need's to be told then that what he is doing with you at the moment is cheating! You need to end this now to save yourself an ubelieveable amount of hurt that WILL be down the road ahead.

 

AP:)

 

This is so true. Lots of guys don't see an EA as cheating... but it is.

 

TS, is he planning on leaving his wife?

[trickysituation]

Thanks for the words, I truly appreciate it. I don't understand what exactly it is that he is doing b/c he says that its not that his wife has not been a supportive, loyal person and that they never fight. Then why me? And I agree that just b/c we have not had sex its still an affair, I think its worse actually b/c there is the emotion involved. He says he can't leave her b/c I think more of what everyone will think and he doesn't want to hurt his family, and neither do I, I truly don't and I know what the right thing to do is but I don't know how to do it. My head and my heart are telling me 2 different things. Don't tell me you love me with all your heart and I am all you can think about b/c if that was true we would be together. Thanks again for listening to me vent:)

[whichwayisup]

I am fooling around with a married man. The good thing is that we are not having sex yet, mostly because of something that happened in his past and he promised himself he would never cheat.

 

Uhh, does he not realize that he IS infact cheating, even if he isn't having sex with you (yet), fooling around and spending intimate time, both physically and emotionally IS cheating?

 

Problem is he tells me how much he loves me, that I have his whole heart

Yes, this is cheating too.

 

I don't understand how he can he tell me that he loves me with all of his heart and that he thinks about me all the time but in the next breath tell me he can't change anything because of promises he made to himself, has he not already broken them.

Cheating! He just has decided in HIS head that he isn't. But, I think you know he is betraying and cheating on his wife and family. A man who says he won't cheat, doesn't ever cross the lines and this MM has crossed the lines!

 

I don't know how to find the strength to let go and move on when I feel he is my soulmate. Even though we are not having sex we do fool around and I can honestly say that no man has ever turned me on the way he does, no man has ever made me feel things that he does.

 

Sadly, he was never yours to begin with and it was wrong and inappropriate of him to allow this to happen between you two. He isn't your soulmate because if he was, he wouldn't be married and he'd be available to you - But he isn't..He's taken already, even if he is not acting like it.

 

You need to be the bigger and stronger person here, and end it. For your sake, your own sanity (go read some threads in this section, maybe hearing what some of the OW have gone through will put you off - As well as taking a read in the infidelity section and see the pain the betrayed spouses go through when finding out their spouse has cheated on them) you gotta walk away. Sure it will hurt, but the sooner you end it and heal from him, you can find a man, a single man, who can offer you everything, not just stolen moments and hidden times, having to sneak around and lie. That isn't love, it's an affair.

[Meaplus3]

Thanks for the words, I truly appreciate it. I don't understand what exactly it is that he is doing b/c he says that its not that his wife has not been a supportive, loyal person and that they never fight. Then why me? And I agree that just b/c we have not had sex its still an affair, I think its worse actually b/c there is the emotion involved. He says he can't leave her b/c I think more of what everyone will think and he doesn't want to hurt his family, and neither do I, I truly don't and I know what the right thing to do is but I don't know how to do it. My head and my heart are telling me 2 different things. Don't tell me you love me with all your heart and I am all you can think about b/c if that was true we would be together. Thanks again for listening to me vent:)

 

Well honestly the first thing you need to do is stop the "Then why me thinking".? This line of thought will lead you to continue to go over ever little crazy detail as to why he even paid attention to you in the first place and it will drive you crazy!

 

Accept the fact that he's married with a family and he does not want that to change. As to why a happily married man is telling you he love's you? Who cares's!! Emotional affair's are tough to get over because of the emtional attachment that takes palce. The best thing for you to break the attachment is NC and perhap's some Therapy. Good luck. Thing's take time.

 

AP:)

[HenryII]

I am in a similar situation. Except my W is having an EA with a SM and has said it is just "FRIENDS". But I know itr is more, like u messin' around a little. Just starting to become physical. Long story.

However I am devastated and so will the W of your MM when she figures it out. Oh, he'll deny it and all.

Best thing for u to do is to break it off and cope because there are NO winners here.

[FoxLucky]

I happen to belive that there is more than one person out there for everyone. Keep your head up hon and have more respect for yourself than that.