mariarose1968 Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 hi im new to hear.i am the other woman,i am single, ive been seeing mm for 8 years he was nearly moved in with all his stuff.stayed here 7 days a week just went back for 2 nights at the weekend to see his 9 yr old son.we had planned are future together and we were soul mates.he never hid me from any one was always proud to be with me.but one morning i woman came to the door and asked for the mm,i guessed it was the mother of his son,she told him to come and get the rest of this things and to stay away.she left he came back to bed he seemed quite and relieved she knew.the next day he went to get his other car and to make arrangments to see his son.he came back an hour later in floods of tears and in a terrible state he said she sent his son to his room and told him if he moved in with me he would never see his son again.i sent him back there as i couldnt bear to see him like that.we split up for 7 months but the whole time we were still in contact and he kept makinjg excuses to see me.for the last 6 weeks we have been back together again but only seeing each other acouple of times a week.i just want to know why has he come back to me again? Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Quite honestly, his story is total bull (if you live in the US). If you DO live in the US, it's common knowledge that wives can't control when their husbands (or ex-H's) see their kids once they get a divorce. Working out a custody agreement is usually one of the first things a couple does on the road to divorce. And a wife can't just arbitrarily decide that her H can't see his own kids. It doesn't work like that. The only way she'd successfully win FULL custody and block him from seeing his kids is by proving he's a danger to them. If he's physically abusive or he's a junkie, or he's sexually abusing the child, she WOULD get full custody. Most lawyers offer free telephone consultations that cover general tenets of law. A 15 minute telephone conversation with a lawyer would tell him this simple fact. This isn't rocket science. I'm having a very hard time believing that he's gone back to his wife based on THAT threat alone. Anyone with half a brain would seek out legal counsel and find out exactly what their rights are. He's been there for 7 months now, and he's still claiming THAT'S his reason for staying? I highly doubt it. Highly. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Sadly, you'll never have a normal life with him. You love him, but after 8 years and nothing really has changed - YOU are missing out and settling for less. Do some thinking, tell him NOT to call you for a month and during that time figure out if he is what you really want. Keep in mind that his ex-wife will ALWAYS be a part of your life, one day YOU will be stepmom to his child. Ask yourself is HE worth it? Is the drama and crap that he comes with (baggage) worth it? Do you want children? Marriage? 8 years just seems like a long time to get nothing in return, so think about what is best for you and what makes you truly happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 8 freaking years and he still hasn't done anything to be with you?? I'm sorry but I would have told him to leave 7 years ago! I know it's not easy but what are you really getting out of this? After all those time spent together and yet he still goes back to his W and you're still waiting? Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 ... she told him to come and get the rest of this things and to stay away. ... he said she sent his son to his room and told him if he moved in with me he would never see his son again. ... he kept makinjg excuses to see me.for the last 6 weeks we have been back together again but only seeing each other acouple of times a week.i just want to know why has he come back to me again? Because he wants to be married to her, and have an affair with you, just like in the old days before she found out. It's not at all unusual. And after 8 years, and a d-day (when she found out what he was doing), if things haven't changed they never are going to change. You have to decide whether this is what you want, or not. What he wants is both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 hi thanks for all your replys,i did have athink about what you all have said.Things are still carrying on,cause i love him and i do believe he loves me,but another thing is confusing me.I have some male friends cause when we split up i did make a life for myself and when i say male friends they are just friends.He gets very jelous saying i have feelings for one of my friends but i havent.we rowed for 3 days about it,then he realized he was being silly he apoligized and he said he felt insecure and was starting to feel depressed.I have never done any think to make him feel insecure,surly it should be me feeling like this i just dont understand him being like this:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) hi thanks for all your replys,i did have athink about what you all have said.Things are still carrying on,cause i love him and i do believe he loves me,but another thing is confusing me.I have some male friends cause when we split up i did make a life for myself and when i say male friends they are just friends.He gets very jelous saying i have feelings for one of my friends but i havent.we rowed for 3 days about it,then he realized he was being silly he apoligized and he said he felt insecure and was starting to feel depressed.I have never done any think to make him feel insecure,surly it should be me feeling like this i just dont understand him being like this:confused: He gets jealous because you have some male friends, while he's married? It's understandable, of course. Men can be jealous of their girlfriend having male friends. BUT why were you two rowing about it for three days ~ because he can't accept it? It's not his place to tell you what friends you can and can't have. He needs to control his jealousy, because in his position he's being a hypocrite. Why do you want a jealous man with a wife? Edited January 7, 2008 by frannie adding Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Why do you want a jealous man with a wife? That's what I want to know. And more than that, what right does a married man think he has to even think of being jealous over your male friends? That shows alot of nerve. It's crap too. I think he went back to get his stuff that night and realized he wasn't prepared to make that final move. I don't think he's being honest with you, and I don't think there's any happiness or honesty in this situation. You deserve more than this. Get rid of him, I say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 hello again advice needed things where going great,weekends away ,seen him nearly every day.we went away on the weekend came back didnt see him for a couple of days .my pre menstrals kicked in i got angrey text him told him it was over,had a good cry then texted him back i was angrey and i was sorry.he texted me back saying u just told me it was over.that was the last text i had off him that was 5 weeks ago.he has been to my friends she says he has been there feeling sorry for himself saying she finished with me.i have sent several texts saying im sorry but had no reply.in anger i text him saying if he didnt come here for a talk id come there.still no reply evenj though he knows i will turn up there if he doesnt get in contact.he rang my friend up saying i had sent texts but never told my friend what i had sent.i will be going there in a few days if there is still no contact from him.i need to know if its over why wont he collect his stuff or say its over for good.10 yrs we have been together i know i do his head in about moving in and i know ive hurt him ,as he is childish some times.any advice why is he acting like this risking me going there knowing i would do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Cleaerly he sees this as "over" between you. He didn't contact you for several days, you blew up on him, got into a fight, and he hasn't contacted you in 5 weeks. That tells me its over...at least on his side. What happened to the situation he was in before, where his wife (ex-wife) busted him with you? Is he actually married? Still married? Single/divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 no he isnt married he lives with the mother of his son.what im confused about is ive said im going to go down the house were he lives with her,and he knows i will do it.but why isnt he trying to stop me from going down there,does he want me to go there? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 If they're not married...why is there an issue with you showing up? I assume she knows about you, and if they're not married there's no reason for her to have an issue with you, right? Or do you think that he's resumed some kind of relationship with her, and that might be the source of the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 No,she doesnt know he started seeing me again.she said if he ever seen me again she would turn his son against him and make sure he never seen him again.so why is he risking me going there cause then she will know he has been seeing me,why is he risking it,he knows il do it so why? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well...obviously he's an idiot for getting himself into this situation in the first place. He'll likely have a story prepared for when you show up, so that you appear to be some kind of crazy woman that's been stalking him. In other words...he'll lie his butt off to make himself look better and to make you look foolish. If he's not talking to you, and he's not talked to you for FIVE WEEKS...why do you still pursue him? He's made a choice not to continue his relationship with you. Walk away...you'll be better off without him. I don't see why you'd show up...you know that it'll turn into a battle, and you'll be made out to be the evil woman in all of this. Your best bet would be to drop him...heal yourself, and find a man who DESERVES you. This one clearly doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 i know what your saying,but after 10 years its hard to just walk away.my head is shot and i know u must think im stupid but i have to go down there,there is no way he can get out of this i have too much on him.i know by going down there that after i can walk away with my head held high.just wish there was another way but i can see it.she should know what he has been up too.i feel sorry for her in a way.i love him but i hate him too. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 OK...think this through. What do you think is going to happen when you go there? Do you see this ending with him coming back to you if you do? Or are you just going down there to get revenge on him for making you hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 i dont know an answer to any of these things.he told my friend that if it was definatly over he would tell me ,but not heard a thing.why dont he even text me to say dont text me i dont want to know but he cant even do that.i would walk away then but i just feel stuck.this isnt the first time that he has ignored me,but its never been for this long.he hears some think he dont like and its like he is a kid and sulks.my mate says when she seen him 3 days ago that he looked rough and smelt like he hadnt bathed in a week.men i wish i could read minds. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 If you don't know what you want to come out of your trip down there... If you don't know what the possible outcome of the trip will be... If you don't know why you want to make the trip... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 i see what u mean. i just vwant to talk to him thats all.i know if i go down there he will end up hating me.il give it a few more days and review it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 i recieved a message today saying i dont read your texts so plse stop sending them.you cant finish with somone and then say sorry and expect me to be okabout things Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 i know what your saying,but after 10 years its hard to just walk away.my head is shot and i know u must think im stupid but i have to go down there,there is no way he can get out of this i have too much on him.i know by going down there that after i can walk away with my head held high.just wish there was another way but i can see it.she should know what he has been up too.i feel sorry for her in a way.i love him but i hate him too. I'd think after ten years it would be hard to justify staying IN a R such as this.......... If you feel this way about him now, what even makes you think that you two would be able to have a meaningful R if he WAS free to be with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 i recieved a message today saying i dont read your texts so plse stop sending them.you cant finish with somone and then say sorry and expect me to be okabout things This just furthers what I've said already. He's moved on, the relationship is over. There's no value in pursuing this further...time to heal and find someone who deserves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 okay, so to follow one of your posts - he has NOW texted you to say DON'T text me - Isn't that what you wanted? I second Owl - you've both played too many games and now it's over and done........time for you to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariarose1968 Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 i texted him saying u obviously dont care im not gunna text u any more.one minute later he texted again and has sent texts for the past hour.i know what your both saying about me moving on but it so hard when u love somone so much.i dont know whats on his mind now the man confuses me. Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleS1983 Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 ...my head is shot and i know u must think im stupid No comment. ..but i have to go down there,there is no way he can get out of this i have too much on him. What do you mean, you "have" to go down there? You don't have to do SQUAT. Where do you get off insinuating yourself into some other woman's life? She NEVER invited you so you need to go nowhere. ..i know by going down there that after i can walk away with my head held high. Are you kidding??? Showing up like a desperate, needy, scorned OTHER woman whose allowed herself to be used like a doormat for 10 YEARS - you're going to walk away with your head held high? Seriously? she should know what he has been up too.i feel sorry for her in a way. LOL..you do, do you? After 10 years of being used and NOW he's dumped you, so you suddenly have empathy for the woman you were only too HAPPY to help deceive for 10 years? My, now noble. I feel like I'm reading the Teenage Angst Board. Link to post Share on other sites
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