sugar13 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 I have never been in this situation before. I originally posted my inquiry in the Infidelity forum but someone told me that the OW/OM forum is best for my problem. My original post: I know there are several postings on this website with the same title but I couldn't think of anything else that summed up my problem as well as "I can't stop thinking of him." My dilemma: I have become really good friends with the guy that lives across the street from me. We have alot of things in common. We sometimes stand outside and talk for hours. He is a very good-looking guy but we are both married. I only considered him a good friend and "eye candy." LOL A week ago, he actually told me he liked me and wanted to have an affair. We texted and talked on the phone for 2 days. We decided not to do anything because we didn't want to ruin our friendship and hurt our families. Now it is very awkward on my part. I see him everyday. I can't talk to him like I used to. I can't stop thinking of him. It was better not knowing he liked me too. The stupid thing is it hurts my pride that he is able to continue like nothing happened. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 I have never been in this situation before. I originally posted my inquiry in the Infidelity forum but someone told me that the OW/OM forum is best for my problem. My original post: I know there are several postings on this website with the same title but I couldn't think of anything else that summed up my problem as well as "I can't stop thinking of him." My dilemma: I have become really good friends with the guy that lives across the street from me. We have alot of things in common. We sometimes stand outside and talk for hours. He is a very good-looking guy but we are both married. I only considered him a good friend and "eye candy." LOL A week ago, he actually told me he liked me and wanted to have an affair. We texted and talked on the phone for 2 days. We decided not to do anything because we didn't want to ruin our friendship and hurt our families. Now it is very awkward on my part. I see him everyday. I can't talk to him like I used to. I can't stop thinking of him. It was better not knowing he liked me too. The stupid thing is it hurts my pride that he is able to continue like nothing happened. Any advice? You must STOP NOW! This is just how my ea started with the mm nextdoor to me. NO good will come from this TRUST me! Read back through my Post's and you will see just what a mess Will lie ahead of you. Forget the feeling's and fix your marriage clearly something is missing. Also look Up Forbidden Fruit's thread's! She know's just as well as I do how much of a mess it is when you have and A or ea with a neighbor. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Love is Tragic Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Wow, you actually have good-looking neighbors? lol.. all mine are redneck hillbillies or the elderly... Anywho, I say dont get involved, as tempting as it must be, dont get involved. I can empathize with you not being able to get him off your mind. Its very flattering to hear that someone you are attracted to is into you as well. Its normal to wonder what it would be like if you two got together. But if you get involved with him, do you know how difficult it will be to keep it a secret? Especially with him living so close to you? You will eventually slip up and get caught-i mean, he can only 'stop by' for a cup of sugar so often, your H and his W will eventually realize something is going on, and when they do, all hell will break loose, and youll never be on good terms with them as neighbors or friends. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 It's too bad that you two crossed the lines because now it WILL be weird. Rightfully so because you two aren't friends...If you were 'just' friends, and enjoyed eachothers company, neither of you would have allowed something to happen, let alone have a discussion about it. Focus your energy into your husband, and also, figure out why you felt the need to flirt and entertain the idea of an affair with your married neighbour. What GOOD could have come out of it? Go read ForbiddenFruit's threads and answerplease37's threads. EXACT situation as you - So BE glad that nothing serious developed... Anyway, he is handling it the way he wants to, you have no control over that...Just accept whatever 'it' was, ISN'T and go on about your life... You say too, that it hurts your pride that he is going on like nothing happened - Well - Think of it this way - Imagine the PAIN your husband would be feeling now if he knew that you were doing this with the MM neighbour! How would YOU feel if your husband was lusting after another woman on the street, considering having an affair with her? Put your H's feelings above your own and forget the MM neighbour. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Wow, you actually have good-looking neighbors? lol.. all mine are redneck hillbillies or the elderly... Anywho, I say dont get involved, as tempting as it must be, dont get involved. I can empathize with you not being able to get him off your mind. Its very flattering to hear that someone you are attracted to is into you as well. Its normal to wonder what it would be like if you two got together. But if you get involved with him, do you know how difficult it will be to keep it a secret? Especially with him living so close to you? You will eventually slip up and get caught-i mean, he can only 'stop by' for a cup of sugar so often, your H and his W will eventually realize something is going on, and when they do, all hell will break loose, and youll never be on good terms with them as neighbors or friends. Wow, you actually have good-looking neighbors? lol.. all mine are redneck hillbillies or the elderly Ha, that's funny! Most of my neighbor's look the same as your's. Well with an exception or two. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 You must STOP NOW! This is just how my ea started with the mm nextdoor to me. NO good will come from this TRUST me! Read back through my Post's and you will see just what a mess Will lie ahead of you. Forget the feeling's and fix your marriage clearly something is missing. Also look Up Forbidden Fruit's thread's! She know's just as well as I do how much of a mess it is when you have and A or ea with a neighbor. AP:) Sugar, AP is totally right, and she knows exactly what she's talking about from personal experience. My exMM wasn't a neighbour and it was hard enough to deal with the break-up - would've been 10 times worse if I'd had to risk bumping into him everyday. Just be grateful that nothing more happened between the two of you. I understand why you enjoyed 'looking' at another man. It's always nice to have fantasies and a bit of male attention does your ego the world of good. The thing is, they should be kept as just that (a fantasy) and if they can't be, then you need to look at why, as in, are you truly happy with your H? Focus your attention on him and your marriage and forget about your neighbour. Yes, it is a shame that the friendship has ended but he crossed the line by telling you how he felt. Best of luck, Sugar! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugar13 Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 Thanks for the advice. I'm definitely not going "there." But it is hard when he shows interest one day and then nothing the next. And I miss talking to him. He could have been a nice friend. If I could just stop thinking about him, I could focus on my marriage which does need some TLC. Love Is Tragic, that is "tragic" that you don't have any "eye candy" in your neighborhood. Well, then again, maybe not. Then there wouldn't be the temptation. Well, hopefully not. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 He probably thought you also wanted more... He wanted an PA but couldn't get it.. he moved on... no big deal for him... men are like that... they can't get into your pants... oh well... next! If he's that good-looking, my guess is that he's already have someone on the side... some men like to 'collect' women... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Definately focus on your marriage. Communicate your needs that aren't being met with your husband! I'm sure if you told him that you've been tempted by the neighbour, he'll react and try alot harder to please you. Another thing to think about, are you meeting your H's needs as well? Maybe HE has afew thoughts about this too...So, talk to him, reconnect and make plans to do fun stuff together. Go out dancing, to a movie, have a picnic or go for a walk together in the evening... Any time you start to feel something for the MM neighbour, remember your H and focus that energy into your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
raslers Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 Be extemely careful. It could be an act that he is acting indifferent about the situation. You don't really know that he feels like nothing is different he is only acting like it. He could be waiting patiently for you to come around and decide you want to be with him. Cheating men are manipulators and will do, say, and be what it takes to get what they want. If this guy has cheated before (and it doesn't sound like you know if he has) he knows what to do to get his own way. For him it's all about "him" not you. I know this from experience. I don't mean to sound like you shouldn't trust men or that all men are that way, but you need to be very cautious. All I know is that you don't want to do this. It will hurt you in the end in every way shape and form and the hurt is not easy. Trust us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugar13 Posted July 25, 2007 Author Share Posted July 25, 2007 He told me that he has only cheated on his W once before. He felt so guilty that she got it out of him. That's one of the many reasons I can't go there. We both decided it was wrong. But ever since he approached me, I can't get him out of my head. How can a guy switch off his emotions so easily? I am trying to focus on my H more. We had a date last night. It was great. I love him but we are so different. The OM and I have so much in common. That's why it was so easy to fall for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Missy27 Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 The stupid thing is it hurts my pride that he is able to continue like nothing happened. :lmao::lmao::laugh: TYPICAL MAN ~~ !!! Dont worry Love, it's not uncommon for a man to seem like nothing happened or he doesn't care ~~~ You know Why ~~ ? ........ Because he DOESN'T care. Look, your Neighbour is a good looking guy, he's got a wife, a house, a job and I suspect he may have children. A little bit on the side might have been nice for him but he probably had a think about it and decided that you specifically were a little too close to home if you know what I mean. Move out of town and he'll probably be up for it again. I'd just put this one down to experience honey. Its human nature to have a crush on someone, it's whether we actually choose to over step the line that moulds our destiny. Get on with your life and I imagine that you will forget about "Casenova" over the road in NO time. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 He told me that he has only cheated on his W once before. He felt so guilty that she got it out of him. That's one of the many reasons I can't go there. We both decided it was wrong. But ever since he approached me, I can't get him out of my head. How can a guy switch off his emotions so easily? I am trying to focus on my H more. We had a date last night. It was great. I love him but we are so different. The OM and I have so much in common. That's why it was so easy to fall for him. How can a guy switch off his emotions? He doesn't have those kinds of feelings in his penis! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 I love him but we are so different. The OM and I have so much in common. That's why it was so easy to fall for him. Feelings aside, you have no clue if he is a loving, supportive person. You really don't know know what he's like behind closed doors. Or his habits, moods, all the blah stuff in a relationship. You're basing everything on butterflies in your tummy and how he makes YOU feel. Your H and you may be opposites and different, but does he treat you well? Is he your confident, friend, lover? Just because there are times you and your H don't see eye to eye, or you don't have everything incommon, doesn't mean that you need another man to fufill the leftover needs that aren't being met. You gotta fill in those with the help of friends, family, hobbies, stuff you enjoy to do etc...Relying on ONE person to make you happy and meet all your needs isn't going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 How can he turn his emotions off? Because he hasn't fallen inlove with you. He probably hasn't focussed on you, let his feelings grow into something more, he's CHOSEN NOT to let feelings get in the way because he is married and doesn't want to hurt his wife. He changed his mind. He's allowed to do that...And good for him for choosing not to pursue something more with you, because he's chosen to live up to his marriage vows. Yes, it was wrong of him to tell you how he felt, but it seems he's realized that and has chosen to turn to his wife. Respect that, accept that and do your best to put him out of your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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