Finally heard from MM after 2 months of wondering, his W knows now

[Love is Tragic]

Well, i hadnt heard from my MM in 2 months, after him promising he wouldnt just disappear on me. We used to talk every day, except weekends. We were extremely close and just all of a sudden he didnt call anymore. So on the 4th when i was watching tv with my H, i get a call from a private number, which i didnt answer. They didnt leave a voicemail so i didnt think much of it. So last night at almost midnight, i get another private call, but this time i answer it, and lo and behold, its MM.

 

The first thing he said was that he was sorry, that he had a lot of bad **** going on in his life. For starters, his wife confronted him a couple weeks after i last saw him, which was about 2 and a half months ago. She said he was acting different and weird, and weve kept it on the downlow until now. So she asked if he was cheating, and he said he had a brief affair. I cant freaking believe he told her! wtf?? he was always paranoid about her finding out, and he doesnt want to lose his kids. Thankfully she doesnt know who it is, he told her it was noone she knew. Trust me, this woman is already jealous and controlling enough as it is, and now she has dirt on him, i just cant understand why he would make it worse on himself.

 

Then, his work phone was taken from him, because he was getting in trouble for using it to talk to me. So he couldnt call, and no wonder i was getting no answer when i tried to call him. He cant use his personal cell cuz his wife always checks the phone records. On top of it all, hes working two jobs now and is hardly ever home. My last voicemail to him was when i finally told him i loved him and that if he wanted to say goodbye he should at least give me that closure by calling. When we talked, he told me he was a piece of ****, that i shouldnt love him, that he wasnt the kindof guy i should feel that way about, just very down on himself. He kept telling me how sorry he was, and he sounded horrible. But when i asked him if he missed me, he told me that he hadnt had much time to think about it. Which hurt a lot, but id rather have him tell me the truth then something that i wanted to hear.

 

So i asked him what now? if he still wanted to talk to me, or if it was over.(i figured it was the goodbye phone call, giving everything that had went down with him and the wife) and he said he wanted to talk to me, it just couldnt be as frequent as it was before. But he still wouldnt validate any feelings for me, or anything resembling that. He sounded very depressed and was very down on himself. Hes afraid she will leave and take his kids, and he cant handle that-and he kept saying that he made his bed, and it was all his fault. The phone call still left me very confused though. Do you think it was just a courtesy call or is he still genuinely interested in sticking around? I have many mixed feelings about it. Hes really such a mess right now, and i want to be there for him as his friend, but its so hard to be with all the feelings i have for him. And of course i dont know if they are reciprocated or not. Im so confused.

[TogetherForever]

Love Is,

He chose to be with his wife.

Let it be & go on with your life.

(((Hugs)))

[norajane]

He didn't miss you, he didn't tell you he had feelings for you, and he is devastated at the thought his wife might leave him and take the kids.

 

So why not call it the end and re-focus on your husband?

[IWALH]

He's just trying to string you along. He is very scared that his W is about to take the kids and leave him. He is keeping up the peace and a little contact with you because he wants to make sure you are going to be there for him when his W leaves him in the dust.

 

My suggestion to you? Change your phone number. If he knows your email address then either change that or block his email. Does he know where you live too? Try to see if you can move.

 

This guy is nothing but trouble. Run as fast as you can and don't look back.

[Love is Tragic]

Trust me, hes not scared of his wife leaving him, as they dont get along well, but he absolutely will do anything for his kids, so he stays in the marriage. He admits he hasnt been happy in years. As far as him "choosing" his wife,there was never any choice, I was never a choice for him and never expected to be. I just want to be there for him through this hard time, but im afraid my feelings will get in the way. Who knows if he will even call again. ??

[Seen_It_All]

Well, i hadnt heard from my MM in 2 months, after him promising he wouldnt just disappear on me.

That ALONE, right there, is reason enough not to even acknowledge this loser.

 

Then, his work phone was taken from him, because he was getting in trouble for using it to talk to me. So he couldnt call, and no wonder i was getting no answer when i tried to call him.

WHY are you making excuses for his total act of DISRESPECT toward you? Do you have ZERO expectations and ZERO self respect? You say the guy works two jobs and is never home - well guess what?? That gives him even MORE opportunity to buy a freakin' calling card at WalMart or the local convenience store and call you from a lousy payphone. What - he doesn't have .35 CENTS to call you from the payphone at the Sunoco station? He doesn't have a FRIEND who'll let him use their cell phone for 2 minutes to call you? He doesn't have access to ANY computers AT ALL to send you a freakin' 2-line email letting you know what the he*ll was going on? How can you even make excuses for basically being treated like a NON-ENTITY for two solid months then act as though this is perfectly acceptable?

 

When we talked, he told me he was a piece of ****, that i shouldnt love him, that he wasnt the kindof guy i should feel that way about, just very down on himself.

LOL - that's the ONE thing he said that actually has MERIT. He IS a piece of sh*it. To his wife, to his kids, and to you. But since you're only TOO happy to forgive his repulsive behavior towards you, it's all good ... right?

 

But when i asked him if he missed me, he told me that he hadnt had much time to think about it.

Aww, that silver-tongued devil.

 

So i asked him what now? if he still wanted to talk to me, or if it was over.

Do you have THAT little self-respect - after allowing him to treat you like garbage for 2 months AND him telling you that he hasn't even missed you, you ask him "what now?" What's WRONG with you?

 

Do you think it was just a courtesy call or is he still genuinely interested in sticking around?

Is this a serious question? Let's mull it over, shall we? The guy disappears for 2 months TOTALLY. Tells you he hasn't really thought about you or missed you. He's totally non-committal in every single way where you're concerned. I'll bet you get more warmth and respect from the MAILMAN. He*ll, I've been treated better by my UPS man, to be honest.

 

Im so confused.

Why? The writing is clearly on the wall. I think it's time you seriously relocated your self respect and took ANOTHER real good look at this situation. Your willingness to just forgive this creep makes me cringe.

[Love is Tragic]

Good points. harsh..but good. I know,hes definitely treated me like **** and youre right, there ARE payphones, he could have found a way to call me somehow. That does piss me off. I dont expect or even really want a commitment from him, but i would like to be there for him as a friend anyhow. My question is why did he even bother to call me once he got his phone back? If hes not thinking about me, and didnt miss me, why did he waste his time by contacting me? Makes no sense. I know that deep down he is a good guy, just has a lot on his mind right now. But im definitely not excusing his behavior or the way he has treated me. Especially when ive always been a good friend to him. I just dont understand why he bothered to call when it seems obvious that he either doesnt give a crap or hes hiding his feelings. Who knows.

[IWALH]

Trust me, hes not scared of his wife leaving him, as they dont get along well, but he absolutely will do anything for his kids, so he stays in the marriage. He admits he hasnt been happy in years. As far as him "choosing" his wife,there was never any choice, I was never a choice for him and never expected to be. I just want to be there for him through this hard time, but im afraid my feelings will get in the way. Who knows if he will even call again. ??

 

 

Your feelings will get in the way, they already have it seems like.

 

As for his "reasons" being the kids for staying in the marriage.... a lot of them say that. That's just what he is telling you.

[child_of_isis]

Probably after he told wifey, she made him go no contact. He snuck around and broke that.

 

Do both yourself and her a favor...call her and bust him out.

 

He had to tell her to save his M. Read some of these posts on the forum,(and others) this is usually the way it goes down.

 

Same story, only the names change.

 

Wifey busts him.

He begs for forgiveness and promises to do everything to save the M

wifey begins to get comfy in the R

it starts all over again.

[Love is Tragic]

Yep, she made him promise that he wouldnt talk to anyone out here in my town again, which seems drastic-see, she saw the area code on my phone number and knew it had to be someone in my town(the town he stayed on business all the time), so she made him promise NC with anyone that he met while staying out here. She actually thinks it was my boss that he was sleeping with, which is hilarious. My boss was really the only one she talked with quite a bit when she and the kids would come to visit him.

 

And he may do just that, go NC. I really think the only reason he called was to let me know he was still alive and kicking. I doubt that he will call again. He says he needs to straighten up, and hes right. So do i. Things are rocky right now in my marriage, i suspect my H is fooling around, but havent gotten any solid proof as of yet. Its been so hard for us to spend time together, what with us working opposite shifts, and also trying to get our free time with friends or whatever. Plus, my daughter is hitting 'terrible twos' late and she has been a complete horror-no wonder we crave getting out of the house so much.

 

Anywho, do you think i should let his wife know exactly what happened with us or just let it go? Id really rather she not know it was me he having an affair with, although i have met her a few times, apparently she doesnt really suspect it was me.

[child_of_isis]

Yes. Tell the wife. Please.

[skindeep]

love IS tragic. You're dilemma is all too familiar-in fact, from the outside looking in, I see myself sooooo clearly-and frankly, it's freaking me out. He has contacted you, I believe, because he feels guilty and is looking for forgiveness and emotional support. We cannot truly be in someone else's head. This is in no way a sign that he wants you back-his failure to verbally express anything even remotely to that affect says it all. Obviously, this is a time for him to re-evaluate his life and get in touch with his feelings instead of avoiding them by involving himself with another. This will and should take time. In the meantime, he is covering his *ss with his wife. When the dust settles, and she once again trusts him or better yet, goes out of town for some reason, he'll call again and will happily resume what the two of started......nothing more. It has just happened to me. Decide you are deserving of better and stay away from him, until he shows you divorce papers and a sincere desire for something more. If you are married, then refocus your attention where it really belongs, do the work neccesary to save it or step up and BE HONEST. It is the only way to retain any self esteem and dignity in the long run. Hang tough!