My xmm and I had a long talk yesterday some 3 hours and we basically went in circles him wanting to keep the A going and me not wanting to settle for fwb. He told me all the lies, love you , care about you, need to have you , will eventually leave but not right ,yada yada yada. He then wanted to have sex in his house, then told me to not break this off until he times to think, and then to we cannot have sex because I feel too guilty. So after this rollercoaster of a afternoon I finally had enough. I told him I love you, but I cannot continue to do this so call me when you sign the divorce papers, until then do not contact me or my family. Well, it sent him into a rage because I pushed him into a corner he could not get out of.
It was the final ultimatum and then I saw his true colors. I saw the true mm not the one he has wanting me to see all this time. I just stood there shocked, but finally got my truth and through his rage he said I don't care enough. Well, that was all I needed to hear and I said we are through and don't come near me or my family ever again.
Of course he freaked when he realized what he had said and tried to come back and say he did not mean it. When push comes to shove you will get your truth, but be careful because it might not be the truth you want to hear or expect. I was semi aware of my truth so I was not surprised, but it is devasting nonethless.
After a almost two years this is what I get I did not care enough. So there it is and now it is time to move on.
GOOD FOR YOU! You stood up for yourself and you did a good thing for you and your well-being. Sounds like it is going to be tough, but stick to it and you will come out of this A with your head held high!
Congrats on moving on with your life!
My xmm and I had a long talk yesterday some 3 hours and we basically went in circles him wanting to keep the A going and me not wanting to settle for fwb. He told me all the lies, love you , care about you, need to have you , will eventually leave but not right ,yada yada yada. He then wanted to have sex in his house, then told me to not break this off until he times to think, and then to we cannot have sex because I feel too guilty. So after this rollercoaster of a afternoon I finally had enough. I told him I love you, but I cannot continue to do this so call me when you sign the divorce papers, until then do not contact me or my family. Well, it sent him into a rage because I pushed him into a corner he could not get out of.
It was the final ultimatum and then I saw his true colors. I saw the true mm not the one he has wanting me to see all this time. I just stood there shocked, but finally got my truth and through his rage he said I don't care enough. Well, that was all I needed to hear and I said we are through and don't come near me or my family ever again.
Of course he freaked when he realized what he had said and tried to come back and say he did not mean it. When push comes to shove you will get your truth, but be careful because it might not be the truth you want to hear or expect. I was semi aware of my truth so I was not surprised, but it is devasting nonethless.
After a almost two years this is what I get I did not care enough. So there it is and now it is time to move on.
Remember this post FF. I hope this time it's for real and you DO move on, and not let him back into your life.
It's just that this is like the 3rd time you've had these 'wake up' calls, seeing the MM for who he is and you get fed up, pissed off and say IT IS OVER! Then, you relapse....
Remember this post FF. I hope this time it's for real and you DO move on, and not let him back into your life.
It's just that this is like the 3rd time you've had these 'wake up' calls, seeing the MM for who he is and you get fed up, pissed off and say IT IS OVER! Then, you relapse....
After a almost two years this is what I get I did not care enough.
They always blame someone else!! I've heard, so your just giving up on me, til I'm blue in the face. You've had a chance to see the real him, not the man he wanted you to believe he was. Had he left for you THIS is the man that you would be stuck with. While you're greiving, just remember, you are mourning the man you wanted him to be (and he wanted you to believe he was). Nothing good could have come from it ever. That said, his actions showed you who he was and what he was capable of to begin with.
Blameshifting. Many BW are so painfully aware of this phenomenon, having leant the hard way and all. There should be a MM/WS manual to refer to because if there was one, this would be in it.
The blameshifting (sometimes gaslighting or demonizing the partner) is the turn-around game where they are clearly very wrong but the WS/MM will not stop, he will not apologize, and he will (quite literally) walk away and sleep like a baby at night while you are left there bewildered, holding your heart in your hands and feeling guilty for feeling guilty. Now you're his victim. Which can cause depression. Anxiety attacks... But wait, you put your own nervous breakdown on hold for two years (coupled with life changing decisions for him) so you can help him with his problems, just to be told that you don't care don't "appreciate" him enough. Good grief Charlie Brown. IKWYM.
good for you FF. Stick with it. You wasted 2 years....yes WASTED. Yeah you had some good times.....but you just entered into TRUTH land....and now you see what I have been trying to explain to all these OW here....
The blameshifting (sometimes gaslighting or demonizing the partner) is the turn-around game where they are clearly very wrong but the WS/MM will not stop, he will not apologize, and he will (quite literally) walk away and sleep like a baby at night while you are left there bewildered, holding your heart in your hands and feeling guilty for feeling guilty. Now you're his victim. Which can cause depression. Anxiety attacks... But wait, you put your own nervous breakdown on hold for two years (coupled with life changing decisions for him) so you can help him with his problems, just to be told that you don't care don't "appreciate" him enough.
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