What happened next was unreal.

[pricillia]

For those of you who don't know I have been seeing a MM for about 8 months now, 6 of which I did not know he was a MM...

 

Well he calls me every day more than once a day, and my last post was that he thinks that I am seeing another man.

 

I recently got a new job and he thinks that I am going to find someone else there, as he said that he had a dream that there was someone else in my life, since the dream that he had which was about 3 weeks ago, he calls me about 4+ times a day when before it was 1x maybe two a day, but now he is convinced that I will meet someone else.

 

We had a big fight on Wednesday eve. I came home from work and went to sleep early, he called me and was upset that I did not call him he was so abrupt that we kept on miscommunicating.

 

I said enough is enough. I got out of bed and drove to meet him after work so I could talk to him about all of this, well that was a big mistake.

 

I told him that I was there to stop the miscommunication that we seem to be having, everthing was going fine until...

 

I will try to make this as short as possible here it goes...

 

He asked me if I have ever been with a woman, I said no... he persisted, the answer was still no...

 

He then said that he wanted to be with one of my friends, I said that would never happen, he then said why not with one of my friends (male)

 

I said no repeadedly, by this time I knew that he was trying to get me to say yes to being with another man because he was trying to prove to himself that I would infact "cheat on him".

 

This torture went on for about 30 minutes, I was hurt that he would even ask me to be with another man.

 

He said that he would set this up with his friend, I asked him if his friend had a GF and he said yes, so I told him to be with his friend and his GF or ask his wife to do this.

 

He still persisted, asking me if he should set it up, I said yes set it up, but before I could say the next thing which was, but I won't be there, he flew off the handle and said...

 

It is over! I knew that you would do something like that. (which I would not)

 

By this time I was sooo damm angry, I told him that I would never do something like that and that I am tired of his games. He was so mad that he got in his car a drove off.

 

I left him a message telling him that I am not his mistress, or his whore, that he is untrusting, jealous and hurtfull. I told him that I want a man of my own and that I would like to start a family.

 

I told him to never ever ever call me again and that I never want to see him again.

 

NEXT DAY>>> 15 messages in my phone

 

He calls me to tell me that I do not have to worry that he will not be calling me anymore.

 

Then as the day progressed, he was begging me to return his call, and said that what happened last night was a mistake, that we were talking about something that did not mean anything to either of us.

 

That he is in love with me and I mean everything to him, that he would do anything for me.

 

He said please please call him so we can talk about it... he even sent me a text message ( which he never does) to say PLEASE CALL.

 

I just sent him a text back at that point that said...

 

MY heart hurts.

 

ok this story is long enought, but I just wanted to let you alll know

[melodymatters]

leaving the "married" part out of it : he sounds like a jealous, manipulitive loon.

 

Now lets add the married part.

 

 

and what do we have ?

 

Nothing good, nothing healthy, nothing with a future.

 

You deserve SO MUCH BETTER.

 

I don't think I've ever said this in the 4 months I've been on but :

 

LEAVE THIS GUY !!!!

[whichwayisup]

He has NO right to be jealous of what you do anymore, even more so seeing as he's married and has a wife!

 

Do yourself a huge favour, ignore him. As much as it hurts you, you gotta do this because he's not a healthy person to have in your life. HE is messed up, his actions are all over the map and to be honest, he's acting out emotionally and not thinking at all.

 

Fact is, he lied to you that he was married and led you to believe he wasn't. You now know he has a wife, so why are you even talking to the guy?

 

He doesn't deserve ANYTHING from you, so please end it, for your own sake. If you allow him in and continue reacting, talking to him, it will only get worse and you'll get more hurt.

 

Think with your head, not your heart - ALL the time. Bottom line, he's married and what he is doing now is so pointless as nothing will really become of him and you together - SO please, end it, walk away and heal yourself.

[Adunaphel]

I am sorry that he pulled such hurtful cr^p.

 

BUT

there is a good side to it:

the fact that he is married is no longer your biggest problem.

 

It will be *much*easier to do what is best for you - forget about him and move on.

 

You can find out a guy is married, and a liar, and still love him.

 

But there are not many more effective turn-offs than crazy, unstable, psycho behaviour.

 

How are you doing right now?

Expecially - what do you think you are going to do about it?

[Touche]

He sounds mentally unstable to me. And why didn't you dump his sorry ass when you found out he was married? This is has nowhere to go but down.

 

Stop responding to his stupid pleas. Tell him you're through with him. Let him find someone else to jerk around. You should have ignored that last text message.

[yousaveme]

Married is one thing to deal with....Thats hard enough in its self.

 

But hurtful well thought out mind games is WRONG, VERY WRONG...

[lighthouse]

Run, do not walk, away from this man.

15 messages in one day?? Scary.

You deserve much more.

LH

[yousaveme]

Run, do not walk, away from this man.

15 messages in one day?? Scary.

You deserve much more.

LH

 

15 messages are the guilt of a hurtful mind twisting game.

 

You need to do what is best for YOU..

[pricillia]

I have never played a game like that and I never want to again. I am thinking that he has no control over me and his life is out of control.

 

We were talking one day about what each of us would do if we won alot of money and the first thing that he said was that he would get a divorce.

 

I know that he is unhappy but that in no way gives him the right to treat me in such a manner.

 

As Yes maybe has said being in this kind of relationship is hard enough.

the extra added bounus was not what I needed in my life.

 

or maybe it was good timing so I could see what I am dealing with.

 

He made a comment to me about him being jealous, if anything I do not think that he is aware of how he is.

 

I know that he is not happy in is marriage, as this goes without saying, for anyone to do something like this.

 

I am not condoning him for his actions toward me at all. I have thoughts to change my phone number

[Seen_It_All]

This loser just sounds better and better.

 

First he LIES for the first 6 months about being married, and then the a*sshole has the nerve to ride you about 'cheating' on him.

 

What a freakin' hypocrite. Last time you looked, this lying scumbag was married - no? Of course, he LIED about it for 6 months which makes him the lowest kind of parasite on EARTH, but that's a story for another day.

 

What's the deal...are you a masochist or something? This guy is the biggest loser on the planet and you keep going back for more. More of WHAT, I'll never EVER understand. I'm honestly dry heaving at the thought of this creep.

 

My brain hurts yet AGAIN.

[pricillia]

This loser just sounds better and better.

 

First he LIES for the first 6 months about being married, and then the a*sshole has the nerve to ride you about 'cheating' on him.

 

What a freakin' hypocrite. Last time you looked, this lying scumbag was married - no? Of course, he LIED about it for 6 months which makes him the lowest kind of parasite on EARTH, but that's a story for another day.

 

What's the deal...are you a masochist or something? This guy is the biggest loser on the planet and you keep going back for more. More of WHAT, I'll never EVER understand. I'm honestly dry heaving at the thought of this creep.

 

My brain hurts yet AGAIN.

 

did I say that I was going back for more? FYI my brain hurts as well.

[johan]

I don't understand how a guy with hangups like this can get a woman to marry him and then keep the marriage together in the first place. Either he abuses the hell out of his wife or he has multiple personalities. And you're getting the bad one.

[pricillia]

I don't understand how a guy with hangups like this can get a woman to marry him and then keep the marriage together in the first place. Either he abuses the hell out of his wife or he has multiple personalities. And you're getting the bad one.

 

I don't understand any of this either.

[pricillia]

I am at work... he just called me here, I told him that I am having a hard time sharing him with BS, something that I should have told him long ago.

 

He said that he will sit down and talk to me about it...

 

I know at this point that there is nothing he can do, not sure if he even really wants to.

[BenThereDunThat]

All I can say is I'm glad for you that he showed his true colors. It's gotta make it a helluva lot easier to walk away and not look back.

 

He's not right in the head.

[whichwayisup]

I am at work... he just called me here, I told him that I am having a hard time sharing him with BS, something that I should have told him long ago.

 

He said that he will sit down and talk to me about it...

 

I know at this point that there is nothing he can do, not sure if he even really wants to.

 

You have to exclude him from your life. I don't know why you're still even intouch with him! NO good can come of your situation - Keep telling yourself that, don't listen to your emotions/feelings for him. The guy isn't respecting YOUR wishes, which is to leave you alone. He keeps on calling like he's obsessed!

 

When he tells you he needs to sit down and talk to you, tell him there is nothing to say! He's a liar, he's married and that's that. What else is there to say? Sorry? Well, even if he IS sorry, his actions are not showing you how selfish he is. Him and his selfish ego is what is driving him, he can't stand not having that extra attention - His wife isn't enough for him so it seems...

[BenThereDunThat]

You have to exclude him from your life. I don't know why you're still even intouch with him! NO good can come of your situation - Keep telling yourself that, don't listen to your emotions/feelings for him. The guy isn't respecting YOUR wishes, which is to leave you alone. He keeps on calling like he's obsessed!

 

When he tells you he needs to sit down and talk to you, tell him there is nothing to say! He's a liar, he's married and that's that. What else is there to say? Sorry? Well, even if he IS sorry, his actions are not showing you how selfish he is. Him and his selfish ego is what is driving him, he can't stand not having that extra attention - His wife isn't enough for him so it seems...

 

Seriously. This man is only bringing you down. You have to get away from him. He's got your head all messed up. I think the hallmark of a lot of MM is their fragile egos. Yours appears to be even worse.

 

This is all about his needs, nothing to do with yours. You need to get away from him and start caring about yourself.

 

Makes you wonder what he puts his W through.

[GreenEyedLady]

Pricillia: Take a break and really think about what is going on...decide what YOU want and then go from there...

[Jane Doe]

This relationship is dysfunctional on so many levels I don't even know where to begin. He's unstable, jealous, insecure, manipulative, and immature--just to name a few. I pray that you will gather the strength you need to leave this man once and for all. He's bleeding you dry. Truly.

[lighthouse]

I am at work... he just called me here, I told him that I am having a hard time sharing him with BS, something that I should have told him long ago.

 

He said that he will sit down and talk to me about it...

 

I know at this point that there is nothing he can do, not sure if he even really wants to.

 

Pricillia -

I am only speaking for myself here but I think that you "sharing" him should be the least of your problems. This person is "one taco short of a combination platter." He calls you 15 times in one day. He is not supportive of you. It sounds like he is trying to involve you in sexual relationships that you are not comfortable with (I had a hard time understanding whether he wanted you to be with someone else or whether he wanted to be with a man or whether he wanted to be with a friend of yours).

So you are having a hard time "sharing" him? Don't. Leave him. Let his wife deal with him. That being said watch out because there is a flashing NEON sign over this guy's head that is screaming "MENTALLY UNSTABLE."

LH

[pricillia]

Pricillia -

I am only speaking for myself here but I think that you "sharing" him should be the least of your problems. This person is "one taco short of a combination platter." He calls you 15 times in one day. He is not supportive of you. It sounds like he is trying to involve you in sexual relationships that you are not comfortable with (I had a hard time understanding whether he wanted you to be with someone else or whether he wanted to be with a man or whether he wanted to be with a friend of yours).

So you are having a hard time "sharing" him? Don't. Leave him. Let his wife deal with him. That being said watch out because there is a flashing NEON sign over this guy's head that is screaming "MENTALLY UNSTABLE."

LH

 

 

Thanks everyone for you reply's this could be the case he could be a little crazy. I know that he did not have a good relationship with his Father and he was telling me one time and he did cry, I know that it is a soft spot for him. I believe him to be a little messed up. I know what I am dealing with now. I also know that there are other sides to him, not sure where to go or what to do at this point.

 

I am frustrated and disapointed in him and his actions and still hurt as well. I am not looking for a relationship or a man but if I meet someone that I am interested I would hope it would be the same for him.

 

I need to focus on the good things right now.

[PoshPrincess]

I think the hallmark of a lot of MM is their fragile egos.

 

God, ain't that the truth!!!!

 

Pricillia, as other posters have said, him being married sounds like the least of your worries. I can't believe how controlling and manipulative he is being, what with all the mind games! How old is he? He's acting like a stupid teenager and a bit of a nutter to be honest. I know it's hard but do your best to cut him out of your life because this will f*** with your head even more than your average MM/OW relationship. V destructive.

 

If you still think you love him, you could explain exactly how his actions are making you feel, and that if he leaves his W and gets some therapy then maybe you will consider seeing him again. God knows he needs some help!

 

Best of luck x

[whichwayisup]

I need to focus on the good things right now.

 

And as long as those good things have NOTHING to do with him...Meaning, I hope you're focussing on all the yukky stuff about him - Don't look at him in a positive light.

 

Keep busy and try your best to go NC.

[Spinderella]

Its easy when the guy is still not available, to overlook flaws. After all, what do his flaws matter when you cannot have an exclusive committed relationship, right? Really try to imagine this guy single, and wanting to be your partner, with all his problems part of the package of course. How do you really feel? Dig deep. Its confusing to be told that you are in love with a nutcase, and that you shouldn't be. After all, you have the feelings. However, I think it is also easy to get confused about what our feelings actually are, and it is always wise to have a good long look inside our hearts and minds, and see what is really motivating us, and what we really want, and more importantly, what we really need. Good luck.

[pricillia]

Its easy when the guy is still not available, to overlook flaws. After all, what do his flaws matter when you cannot have an exclusive committed relationship, right? Really try to imagine this guy single, and wanting to be your partner, with all his problems part of the package of course. How do you really feel? Dig deep. Its confusing to be told that you are in love with a nutcase, and that you shouldn't be. After all, you have the feelings. However, I think it is also easy to get confused about what our feelings actually are, and it is always wise to have a good long look inside our hearts and minds, and see what is really motivating us, and what we really want, and more importantly, what we really need. Good luck.

 

I agree with what you said we should all do this, I do not think that he is crazy I just think he is somewhat untrusting and his tactic to find out what I was NOT doing was really crass... I wish you could all listen to the progression of messages that he left me. He is hurting at this time!